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Quick Question about "No contact"

(18 Posts)
donnattella Sat 28-Nov-15 02:00:37

I have just split up with someone (he cheated and thank to those who supported on my thread) and was just readign about "no contact" and how it helps you feel better and move on quicker etc.

I've done the deletion on social media, and the deletion off whatsapp and anything that could have me "checking" him (has helped) and I won't contact him

But what do you do when they contact you?

Is it weird and childish not to reply?

I lost a lot of dignity in this situation and wanted to regain as much as possible. I didn't want him to ever realise how much he hurt me or that I cared at all!

springydaffs Sat 28-Nov-15 02:15:25

Not weird and childish - sensible. Radio silence on all fronts.

Well done!

goddessofsmallthings Sat 28-Nov-15 02:15:50

It is isn't "weird" or "childish" not to reply and acknowledging contact from him in any way will cause you to lose the dignity you have already regained by ending a relationship with a man who is not worthy of you.

Not acknowledging his attempts to contact you is the most dignified course of action to take, and it lets him know in no uncertain terms that you couldn't care less about him.

springydaffs Sat 28-Nov-15 02:18:18

Great minds goddess santa

goddessofsmallthings Sat 28-Nov-15 02:46:06

But of course, springy grin

shinyhappypeople30 Sat 28-Nov-15 04:42:50

Couldn't agree more, considering a radio silence myself. Met a guy online and he's been full on msging, so many lost count now, for a week, then nothing.... So I got to like him, we chatted on the phone, had a laugh, then suddenly nothing. Why do guys do this, it's sooooooo frustrating!

shinyhappypeople30 Sat 28-Nov-15 04:44:18

Even told me he loves me! What!!!???? Not even met him yet.... Weird or what? Shall I ignore him?

Patheticfallacy Sat 28-Nov-15 04:54:15

Very weird. You can't know a person you've not met.

shinyhappypeople30 Sat 28-Nov-15 06:38:20

Yes, it is isn't it? That's exactly what I think. It is very over the top. Trouble is we get on when we talk, but he's erratic... Men are strange confused

mintoil Sat 28-Nov-15 12:09:55

Have a look at this it should help you realise what's going through his mind when you respond in any way to his contact.

I have an ex who still contacts me three years after I went NC with him and he just keeps trying, and I just keep ignoring.

It really is the only way to recover from a relationship that has messed with your head.

Asteria36 Sat 28-Nov-15 12:21:28

DH had an il-advised fling with a complete nutter between marriages. Despite going NC with her 4 years ago she still send the occasional message. He ignores all of them.

Our mantra (which also applies to his narcissistic exW) is "don't feed the troll" any response is feeding their need for contact/control. Even a response like "please stop contacting me" or "I will not be respondin in future" is feeding that need.
If you have read receipt on your phone switch it off, or simply delete any texts without even reading them. Your ex has nothing worthwhile to say to you, he just wants to keep you in the hook.
There will probably a rise in attempted contact when you first go silent, but after a few days of ignoring it should stop. You may get the odd late night drunken text, they are even easier to ignore!

If it doesn't stop, or escalates in any way that worries you then consider contacting 111 and making a harassment complaint.

shinyhappypeople30 Sat 28-Nov-15 13:00:25

Hey mintoil, that blog was pretty depressing, thanks for sharing it. Makes you see what the guys think, but isn't it their problem for keep texting us in the first place? Never used to be this bad before IM and texting. Could drive us insane. Men's brains work totally differently from ours. Aagghhhhhhhshock

donnattella Sat 28-Nov-15 13:56:56

Well, he stopped contacting me so it might have been a fruitless question anyway.

Isn't it so immensely sad that I am actually sad he's stopped apologising?

How being cheated on mucks with your self esteem!

shinyhappypeople30 Sat 28-Nov-15 14:16:22

It sure does, you doubt everything about yourself, it's hard to find that trust again. Remember you're worth a million of him, darlin' smile

CandiceSmith Sat 28-Nov-15 14:51:19

If you block him (phone, email) and return or dispose of unopened any letters sent, it leaves less opportunity for contact but obviously he can find ways round this but you simply (I know its not simple) don't engage.
Done it; been there. Good luck.

fishfingersinmysandwiches Sat 28-Nov-15 15:15:03

Mintoil that article is seriously effed up! She's desperate? Because he constantly initiates contact and makes allusions to "not being in a safe place right now" and falsifies bereavements?

Maybe she just feels sorry for him. Maybe she's concerned about his mental health, worries he will harm himself, and doesn't know how to break free of his clutches.

Whatever is going on, that man is seriously dellusional as to who is the one with the major problem, and an emotionally abusive arsehole to boot. Who the fuck cares what he thinks about women who respond to contact?

mintoil Sat 28-Nov-15 15:19:34

I should have said, the article is meant to be tongue in cheek, but I do believe it broadly reflects the views of men who like to keep women dangling, just in case they might want to pick you up again some day.

If you respond to contact, you just become more and more pathetic in their eyes. I posted it to help OP ( and anyone else currently sitting on their hands, trying to maintain NC) to steer clear grin

fishfingersinmysandwiches Sat 28-Nov-15 18:55:28

Oh yeah. Should have noticed it was The Onion grin Doh.

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