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Low contact with semi-retired parents

(1 Post)
UbiquityTree Fri 27-Nov-15 15:11:08

I am not well (psychotic depression, PTSD, etc) and part of that I am not dealing with my mother at all well. For example, getting an email from her means a panic attack. Seeing her name come up when my phone's ringing has made me faint.

She's not unpleasant; she has no idea how damaging she has been over the years, and continues to be. I let her know a hint of it in the summer and she seemed to get it ... then continued the very next day.

DB is helping me to have low contact with her at the moment, meaning that she isn't coming to stay as she might otherwise have done (to "help" ha ha ha) and we won't be seeing them at Christmas. He knows exactly what's actually going on but is gatekeeping for me and playing dumb. "Ubi isn't well and needs time on her own" is I think his line.

I'm finding this difficult because my father is actually fine and doesn't wind me up, but it feels completely impossible to keep her at arms' length without unnecessarily pushing him away. We live a few hundred miles apart so there simply isn't the option of short visits or neutral ground.

I don't exactly know what I'm after with this thread - reassurance that I'm not being completely unreasonable? It's hopefully going to be fairly short term but Christmas is freaking me out so it's becoming a point of obsession. I do have a nice set of token presents to send them in the post with a card or two (we don't do big Christmas presents and I'd happily do nothing at all but they resisted that last year).

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