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What do you think about men in their 40's?

(168 Posts)
WhiteSwan1 Fri 27-Nov-15 15:08:47

I'm just asking myself, what is it with men in their 40's or is it just me? I've just come back from my BF's (I'm 39, he's mid 40's) and really have a feeling of him not being sure of what he wants in the future (apart from seeing me as someone fairly interesting and attractive to spend some time with) after seeing me for 18 months.
I recently had a message from ExH (mid 40's) reminding me of how long ago we met and I wonderfully came in to his life (he is now seeing someone else from 5 months after we split up and is still with her).
I have another friend (mid 40's) who has admitted he is cheating on his DW.
I have another male friend (mid 40's) who can't commit to a relationship with any woman and is acting like he's 20 going out with multiple women.
I guess it's just my age and who I know but I just wondered if some men in their 40's go through a stage when they just don't know what they're doing? Any male responses are also appreciated.

Northernnights Fri 27-Nov-15 15:30:05

My exH threw our marriage away for a fling with an 18 year old when he was 42.
My 25 year old son says that when he socialises in his hip hop trendy bars and clubs he sees a lot of 40 something men desperately hitting on 20 ish women. Aggressively so on occasion. In fact the last two incidents where my son witnessed a bar room brawl, both involved 40 + men thrashing younger men in pursuit of the opposite sex.

BaronessSamedi Fri 27-Nov-15 15:31:35

i see what you mean.
hitting 40 for men seems to be the equivalent of the full moon rising for a werewolf.
i've seen a few of them begin to lose it, for sure.

mid life crisis is what this all is, to my mind.
they start to question everything. especially the choices they've made around marriage, children, work and, of course, the big one for them: sex. and how reaching middle age affects them and their cock.

personally, find it vastly entertaining. i see the way they carry on on a regular basis. i even got a few glimpses of it down the pub last night. its everywhere.
i do feel sorry for their over halves and kids though.

strawberryandaflake Fri 27-Nov-15 15:34:06

Midlife crisis. They can't accept they are getting older. They either have an affair to still feel attractive, develop a random hobby to take their mind off it or blow their savings on something expensive.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich Fri 27-Nov-15 15:57:00

I daresay someone will come on saying that not all 40+ men do this, and I am sure they dont. But ime more do it than not. And yes, I do think it is a midlife crisis.

My sister and I discussed why women seem less likely to have a MLC and we came to the conclusion that its because we dont have time! Of the men that we know that have had MLC they were usually the ones that were disconnected from family life in the first place, so the idea of dumping the kids on the missus and fucking off out was not new. The wives on the other hand are too busy keeping all the balls in the air to bother with shagging around.

BoboChic Fri 27-Nov-15 16:01:39

Male MLCs are usually the result of boredom and the inability to identify any way to develop further within the life they have carved out for themselves. Another woman = a new set of ideas, new friends, a new family = a way to relieve the tedium and to develop the self.

Chchchchangeabout Fri 27-Nov-15 16:37:43

Most of the men that age I know are elbow deep in young family life same as the women I know of the same age

IfNotNowThenWhenever Fri 27-Nov-15 16:41:35

Oh love, you are only 39! You should ditch the midlife crisis nightmare men and find someone a bit younger than you.
Avoid, avoid!!

WhiteSwan1 Fri 27-Nov-15 18:00:48

BaronessSamedi You made me laugh out loud, that was hilarious and brought me out of my fairly depressed mood over 40 something men. There definitely is something about that age. There are some decent men who are keeping on their path through 40 but I'm surrounded by men in a midlife crisis and I think I need to steer clear.

Joy69 Fri 27-Nov-15 18:45:21

Wonder if these mlc men ever wonder what us women in our 40's think of them?
I look around, especially when I think I'm not glammed up enough & wonder why the hell I bother. Some of them think they're gods gift to woman kind & just look a little bit sad?
Have to say there are some decent ones out there ...I just need to catch one 😅

Funinthesun15 Fri 27-Nov-15 18:49:33

My sister and I discussed why women seem less likely to have a MLC and we came to the conclusion that its because we dont have time!

My ex SIL and my DH exW did have afairs (hence why exs) so were they having MLC then wink

aWowChristmasGuna Fri 27-Nov-15 19:43:09

I'm not male but I am in my forties and I think single men my age are feeling a bit desperate that the woman with they're with reflect well on them . They want somebody who proves what isn't true, that a beautiful younger woman is in their league!

I've dated men a few years younger (late 30s) and they see very relaxed about my age and their age. It really does seem to hit men in a panic in their forties that they are too old to go 'pull' a young woman and that makes them feel worthless as a man or something??

Men in their forties who are going through a MLC couldn't give a shiny shit what women their own age think of them!

I think what validates women in their forties is being loved, valued. Generalisations, but what you'll see on fb is the ''16 years since I married such a great guy'' and a picture of their wedding day and loads of really big claims about how wonderful he is to them. That is the female equivalent of pulling a younger woman. It's my husband is great and he loves me and values me so therefore I am valuable

HelenaDove Fri 27-Nov-15 19:43:47

"my son witnessed a bar room brawl, both involved 40 + men thrashing younger men in pursuit of the opposite sex"

Bloody hell!

aWowChristmasGuna Fri 27-Nov-15 19:44:48

yes baronesssamedi!! wine

groovergirl Fri 27-Nov-15 19:53:25

IfNotNow speaks truth. At 39 you should be taking your pick of tasty younger men. Go get 'em, tigress.

I don't agree that women don't have MLCs. We're just more dignified about it, on the whole. My MLC was awful. It kicked in at 36 and paralysed my brain under a tonne of regrets, frustration and feelings of failure. I kept going through the motions and in fact was promoted into my dream job during that period, but I wanted to run away from my life, preferably to somewhere with lots of dancing and sex. (I got little of either in my marriage.)

Here's my theory: Our prehistoric ancestors would have been lucky to see 40 candles on their campfire cake. For those who did, it would have been their last chance to DO THINGS -- have (or sire) another baby, do one really great cave mural, hike to the end of the jungle to see what's there, etc-- before they died. I think we have inherited that terrible, sudden urgency, and we have not evolved out of it just because we now live beyond 80.

What do you think?

aWowChristmasGuna Fri 27-Nov-15 19:56:37

Yes true. I felt very ''stagnant'' and depressed and frustrated at 40, but I recognised it as being one of the phases of adulthood (according to erikkson)

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest Fri 27-Nov-15 20:00:20

I think both men and women have MLC crises, but the difference is that men have spent most of their life until that point being told (and believing) that they are the dogs bollocks whereas women are used to being supporting characters as it were. So when MLC hits it's not so much of a shock to women to realise they're not going to be a rock star one day!

Ubik1 Fri 27-Nov-15 20:02:59

A lot of them seem to take up cycling.

FreeWorker1 Fri 27-Nov-15 20:07:57

"They either have an affair to still feel attractive, develop a random hobby to take their mind off it or blow their savings on something expensive."

Its all true!

I went for the random hobby for what its worth. grin

Seeyounearertime Fri 27-Nov-15 20:11:14

I'm only 36 but I have my Mid Life Crisis all planned out.

I'm going to buy me a sports car in a shape that vaguely resembles a penis. Then I'm going to buy an expensive shirt and trouser and I'm going to drive up and down the road near the college. I'll stop at every opportunity and beep my horn at the girls and I'll feel big and clever and forget for a second that the only time my penis gets hard now is when i wake up in the morning.
Yeah... Sounds fucking pathetic awesome.

That or I'll still be SAHD and spend my time worrying about my DD who'll be 10 by then and making sure my gorgeous GF I happy. smile

Finallyonboard Fri 27-Nov-15 20:15:05

My DH is in his 40's. He's the most emotionally stable person I know. No sign of a MLC - yet.grin

veryfedup123 Fri 27-Nov-15 20:15:41

Mine changed into a teenager in his mid forties, decided he didn't know if he wanted family life anymore and met a "soul-mate" (much younger of course!!)

annandale Fri 27-Nov-15 20:20:53

I think most women have their MLCs at 30. Which is odd, considering we live longer than men as a rule. but how many threads are there on here from women saying 'I'm TWENTY EIGHT YEARS OLD and not married' and clearly ready to shack up with anyone and everyone to prove they're not worthless [projecting massively as I had a bad news starter marriage aged 26]

Aged 31 I contacted builders to get quotes to get the house extended for my dad to move in with me [the last thing he wanted] as clearly I was going to be alone for the rest of my life.

At 40 I had a great party and drank a lot of vodka. 40s are great for women, we should be kind to the poor chaps.

strawberryandaflake Fri 27-Nov-15 20:30:46

True, Annandale, I think we do have them just earlier on.wink

PurpleHairAndPearls Fri 27-Nov-15 20:38:38

My DH tried very hard to have a MLC. He used to go out and buy expensive gadgets (eg going for milk and coming back with a TV hmm)

The best one was when he randomly bought a car.

A Volvo.

He gave up trying after that and embraced middle age he was born middle aged

grin

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