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Please help... What should I do about my relationship?

(7 Posts)
Fromtheoutside Fri 27-Nov-15 09:58:28

I'm really hoping that I can get some good advice on here!

I am in my early 20's and live with my boyfriend. We have been together for the best part of 7 years.

I have always had this nagging feeling what it would be like to be with someone else. You see when I met my boyfriend we were at school and didn't do the usual dating thing. He loves and absolutely adores me however recently I have been feeling lonely in my relationship and resentful of him. I wonder whether I love him but I am not in love with him, if that makes any sense?

To confuse matters even more for a few months now I have been having increasing feelings for someone else. The connection with the other person is mutual and we very much like each other. This other person wants to be with me, he said he has never been in love but thinks he is starting to love me. I think about him all day everyday and miss him when I don't see him (I know I'm such a bad person). This is absolutely killing me, I cry everyday and regularly go to bed before 9 as I'm just emotionally exhausted. This other person isn't putting any pressure on me to leave, he says that I need to take some time to figure out exactly what I want and that he ultimately just wants me to be happy with my decision. Just to be clear though I can't really express how much I think myself and this other person feel about each other and I appreciate how probably stupid this sounds.

Back to my boyfriend. He is the nicest person you will ever meet and everyone says so. I guess this is part of the reason I feel so utterly dissapointed in myself at how I feel. He would be absolutely devastated if we split, he told me recently that he will try so hard to make me happy and that I am his world.

So right now I am trying to give my relationship a chance and also trying to ascertain whether I am truly unhappy regardless of the other person as I know that is important. I don't want to be this kind of person, it's killing me, I've lost nearly 3/4 stone in 2 months and I'm small anyway.

I just really want some advice from some impartial people. I appreciate the grass isn't always greener on the other side but if I feel like this now, will I always feel this way?

category12 Fri 27-Nov-15 10:08:21

You're so young. It might be time to branch out on your own and see what life is like single. Your bf might be terrific, but it sounds like you're already having an emotional affair with this other guy.

I'm not sure going into a new relationship with the om is the right way forward, but you do sound smitten.

Personally I think you may have outgrown the original relationship and should get out. But being single and learning how to be happy on your own might be more healthy than leaping into the next relationship. I can't imagine it's advice you'll follow though.

RandomMess Fri 27-Nov-15 10:13:56

Infatuation isn't love - so don't be fooled by them. It's incredibly powerful but no indicator of whether a relationship will be a good or happy one!

I would suggest you be brave enough to take a break from your current relationship and spend some time being single and finding you as an individual. It would be a huge mistake to then rush into another relationship though IYSWIM.

I can honestly say it's very likely you will meet other people throughout your life that you have an infatuation with - brief or longer, it's choosing not to act them that is the issue. Is it possible that the emotional intimacy with your current parent is lacking at the moment?

FauxFox Fri 27-Nov-15 10:14:28

If your boyfriend felt as you do what would you like him to do? If roles were reversed? I would rather know how you feel and maybe take a break from the relationship.

I don't think starting another relationship straight away would be wise, you sound like you need some time out to focus on yourself.

I have been with DH since I was 16 (now 38) and have never felt I missed out or wanted anyone else so I think if you DO feel that way you need to explore it now before marriage/children complicate things further.

Thymeout Fri 27-Nov-15 10:30:32

I think your relationship has come to an end. You were very young when you got together. You have to steel yourself and tell your bf.

Yes, he will be v upset and you will feel guilty. But you are both young enough to recover and find new partners, probably more than one, before settling down for the rest of their lives.

BastardGoDarkly Fri 27-Nov-15 10:50:48

Oh dear, it's so hard for you because your bf is lovely, and clearly loves you.

Unfortunately, that isn't actually enough of a reason to stay if you don't feel the same.

I can only echo what others have said, that you should try life on your own for a while, however painful it may be for your bf in the short term, you're not being kind to him at the moment, he deserves someone who feels the same.

tuilamum Fri 27-Nov-15 11:11:10

I have been in this situation before so I know how tough it is. Break it off with your bf now. Trying to force yourself into a relationship for the sake of the other person will only cause heartache on both sides. Let him go and eventually he will move on and go on to find happiness as will you. Don't immediately jump into a relationship with this other guy, take it slow, maybe a couple of dates etc.
Take it from someone who made all the wrong choices - caring about how someone feels doesn't mean you should be in a relationship with them. If one person isn't happy neither person is happy. Move on and maybe try and stay friends but don't be too upset I that's not possible.

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