Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would you buy a house with DP if you haven't lived together before?

(55 Posts)
Tearsoffrustration Thu 26-Nov-15 08:22:19

Rather than renting first - just incase

Blu Thu 26-Nov-15 08:23:17

No.

LaContessaDiPlump Thu 26-Nov-15 08:23:49

I did. It was fine. We're married with two DC now!

Admittedly he's quite easygoing when it comes to my clutter.

atticusclaw2 Thu 26-Nov-15 08:24:26

No my friend has just done this and five months later its all gone horribly wrong. She desperately wishes she hadn't sold her own property.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 26-Nov-15 08:25:27

I did and we were together 15+ years.
It was fine.
But.... I wouldn't now.

How long have you been together?
Do you stay at each others houses?

sminkypinky Thu 26-Nov-15 08:26:21

I did but we'd been together 10 years before buying the house. We're 10 years further down the line now and are married with a DS and are ttc number 2.

SouthYarraYobbo Thu 26-Nov-15 08:26:10

No l wouldn't.

Duckdeamon Thu 26-Nov-15 08:27:01

No: it's a bigger commitment than marriage and harder to get out of if things go wrong. If you do it, get legal info first and set things up to try to avoid disputes in event of breaking up.

Only1scoop Thu 26-Nov-15 08:26:42

No with bells on

SerenityReynolds Thu 26-Nov-15 08:31:42

I did, we'd been together 3 years. Now together over 11 years, married nearly 4. 1 DD and DC2 due any day now.

However, I would only do it if you are able to contribute equally 50/50 to deposit and mortgage payments, or have something in writing agreed as to what happens legally and financially in the case of a split.

mmmuffins Thu 26-Nov-15 08:34:12

Well, no. I wouldn't buy a house with a man unless we were married, and I would probably always live with said man before agreeing to marry them.

From watching friends, a break up is so much worse when you own a home together. But couples keep buying houses before getting married, it baffles me.

MummaGiles Thu 26-Nov-15 08:34:41

Given it could take at least 6 months to find a property and go through the purchasing process, could you not rent somewhere together for that time so you get used to each other's living habits before making such a huge financial commitment?

Pixa Thu 26-Nov-15 08:34:52

I would.

Salene Thu 26-Nov-15 08:35:21

Nope my mate did this now 18 months later she is going through a very lengthy legal battle over the property as they have spilt up , arguing now about who paid for what and how profit from sale should be spilt

MooseAndSquirrel Thu 26-Nov-15 08:36:28

Not a chance - you never know how much you can dislike someone until you actually live with them. This goes for partners & friends! grin

Wishful80smontage Thu 26-Nov-15 08:37:41

I did and 10 years, another house, wedding and (nearly) 2 dc later its worked out fine but we were together for 3 years before we brought that house.

HootOnTheBeach Thu 26-Nov-15 08:38:54

Mmmuffins I thought you meant the TV show for a moment, ha. Not a reliable source of information.

And no OP I would not. Even staying over is not the same as living together. You find out all sorts of things when you live together full time. I wouldn't risk it.

Joysmum Thu 26-Nov-15 08:54:08

In my younger years, yes. Now I'm older and wiser, no!

mrstiggy Thu 26-Nov-15 08:57:38

No, we rented together for about 18 months first. I know someone that did and it worked out fine, but I wanted to be sure and didn't want the pressure of 'this will cost me the earth and get messy if it all goes tits up'.

pissedonatrain Thu 26-Nov-15 09:06:26

Definitely not. Rent a couple years first.

Sgtmajormummy Thu 26-Nov-15 09:07:01

I did. 23 years and four houses ago.

Ownership was a 70/30 split, also reflected in the deposit and mortgage payments, and everything was CLEARLY documented. People buy houses together all the time, whether they're in a relationship or not.

You need to think about the relationship and whether it's strong enough. Is your partner a vindictive type? Is he a user? Do you feel uncomfortable when you pay for nights out? Is he asking to open a joint bank account? All red flags IMO. Any doubts, don't do it.

KeepOnMoving1 Thu 26-Nov-15 09:10:35

No it would be stupid to. What is the Rush?
Give it a trial period and then commit to a house. If it works then great, you would have also found out what it's really like to be with this person. And if not you saved yourself a whole lot of hassle about getting out of it. Small price to pay for not being hasty.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 26-Nov-15 09:14:58

Only if it was a holiday home with a legally binding agreement giving each of us sole use of the property for 6 months in any one year with clauses setting out responsibilities for outgoings, maintenance, furnishings, redecoration etc, but if this was the only way I could afford to buy the property in question I'd rather do without it,

Otherwise I wouldn't buy a property with anyone I hadn't lived with for at least a year and I wouldn't do so unless both of us were in a position to buy the other out or the property was large enough to convert into 2 self-contained flats if living together didn't work out, and I would obviously ensure that I was legally protected in every which way before parting with a penny and/or going into hock for 25 or more years.

BlueStringPudding Thu 26-Nov-15 09:18:13

We did, but only after dating for 4 years and spending lots of time at each others houses. I had DC from first marriage, and we both owned our own houses, but it wasn't practical for either of us to move into the others house. So eventually we took the plunge, each sold our own and bought a new one together, as didn't want to sell and then rent due to the rising house price market.

We got married 6 months after buying and had a DC together a year afterwards, who will be 10 next year. For us it was the right thing to do, as we have been very happy.

However, it wasn't without risk, and we did ensure that our mortgage was Tenants in Common with our individual contributions clearly defined, so that had it not worked out, we would at least have known where we stood financially.

If you can, it would be wise to rent together first though..

CalliopeTorres Thu 26-Nov-15 09:21:47

I did, we'd only been together 9 months and I was pregnant. Hey ho. 13 years later we're still together and still own that house!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now