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Have to walk away from this man

(68 Posts)
Walkingalonelady Wed 25-Nov-15 17:36:09

Please don't flame me.... But I got involved with a unavailable man a few months ago!

I fell head over heels for him and he says he feels exactly the same and will leave his GF yet his actions don't really match his words!

Just kind of feeling like I'm a hook up and nothing else and seriously doubting that he will ever leave, I seem to really only hear from him when he wants to get together and where as he used to come to mine for the night it's now all conducted from the hotel room where he stays during the week for work.

I know I have to end it, I know I deserve more and his GF certainly does, but I'm sad, I'm scared and secretly hoping it will kick him into action and make him so what he says he will because I'm not allowing him to have his cake and eat it.

I honestly have never never felt like this about anyone before, but I hate the way I feel like a teenager constantly chasing him.

This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but now I don't know when to do it, if I contact him asking to see him then I'm chasing him..... Which I'm really trying to avoid doing or do I wait it out until he contacts me to meet and do it then?

Mysteryfla Wed 25-Nov-15 17:40:23

If he'll cheat with you he'll cheat on you!

pinkyredrose Wed 25-Nov-15 17:41:53

You feel like a hook up because you are. If he wanted a relationship with you he'd say so. He's happy with his girlfriend but gets a thrill from keeping you hanging and sticking his cock into a different person. Only keep seeing him if you want to feel like a walking vagina holding a sign saying 'do me'.

Tearsoffrustration Wed 25-Nov-15 17:42:13

Just phone him and end it?

MorrisZapp Wed 25-Nov-15 17:42:56

That's pretty disgusting talk, pinky.

Leviticus Wed 25-Nov-15 17:43:52

Why wait to meet? He hardly treats you with dignity, summoning you to his hotel room (which he doesn't even have to pay for) for a shag behind his girlfriend's back.

Treat it like the thing it is. A text will suffice.

We all make mistakes. Glad you see this and want to put it right.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 25-Nov-15 17:57:07

Forget 'GF'. I'd bet on him having a dw and no doubt he has dc too. Have you checked out his home address to see the names of those who live there?

You're no more than his dirty secret and, as these clandestine shagfests trysts are being conducted in his hotel room, it's probable that when you 'hook up'" with him the staff think you're a hooker.

There's no need or reason for you to see him again as you can tell him he's ditched by text or phone call when he next contacts you.

fuzzywuzzy Wed 25-Nov-15 17:59:00

Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone you have to beg to be with you?

Surely you deserve better.

FredaMayor Wed 25-Nov-15 18:01:37

pinkyredrose has put it quite robustly, but in essence he/she is right, OP. You might have sleepwalked into a silly situation, but hopefully you are beginning to realise you should get out.

Cabrinha Wed 25-Nov-15 18:56:38

"You deserve more" do you?
I'm not sure about that.
I don't think women who happily choose to be part of an affair "deserve" more than the shit you get from being someone's meaningless easy shag.

Tell him NOW that you're, take a bit of time to reflect on why you thought it was OK to do that.

When you've done that, then you might deserve more. Right now, all you deserve is a roasting.

Cabrinha Wed 25-Nov-15 18:56:46

*you're done.

Iflyaway Wed 25-Nov-15 19:02:17

I'm not going to flame you.

But you know what you have to do to preserve your self preservation.

Get out now rather than 5/10 years down the line. And/Or pregnant.

What is it in you that has chosen this situation for your life?

CanalTrip Wed 25-Nov-15 19:10:31

You should walk away but also drop the secret hopes that walking away will push him into action he has not already taken. Walk away with the intention of finding someone who won't use you.

Your concern over how you should tell him suggests you are still invested in him. The method shouldn't take up much thinking time; focus on the outcome.

Elendon Wed 25-Nov-15 19:25:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hopefullyoneday1 Wed 25-Nov-15 19:42:55

I'm afraid your allowing him to have his cake and eat it. He loves the fact your chasing him, meeting in hotel rooms etc. Ive been there done that!
If he was going to leave GF he would have done so by now.
You deserve and can do better

PandoNoPants Wed 25-Nov-15 19:54:36

Your post actually prompted me to post an update on a similar ish situation a friend is going through.

If you can bear to read it (it's long) - please have a look at "stuck in the middle" It might show you what it's like to be on the receiving end of deceit.

As Hopefully said above, you are massaging his ego.... please walk away!! You can do better.

Crackerjack9 Wed 25-Nov-15 19:56:47

Oh big hugs. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Wed 25-Nov-15 20:06:56

Dump him by text and then block/avoid him.

He will try to win you round. If you let him talk you round he will think exactly that he can have his cake and eat and you will waste years on this guy.

Do it, and mean it.

Walkingalonelady Wed 25-Nov-15 20:29:22

I have drafted so many texts but there just so long!

Plus I will have to see him everyday so would rather actually just do face to face

Hopefullyoneday1 Wed 25-Nov-15 20:33:15

Mine was a slightly different situation. Ex was divorced, his wife had moved out of family home with kids and set up new life elsewhere. He bought her share in the house. All that was pretty much straightforward and I knew it was legit, seen it all for myself.......six years I was with him but something was amiss. He wouldn't let me meet his kids, wouldn't let me in his house, never met his parents. Turns out he had never actually got divorced, just separated but was living two lives. I was an idiot for not seeing it sooner but he soon got dumped. When I dumped he was absolutely heartbroken and couldn't understand why!!!

Cabrinha Wed 25-Nov-15 20:34:44

"On reflection, I don't want to be involved with you, because you are with someone else. So let's just stay as friends. See you at work tomorrow"

Job done.

Stop making a drama out of it. You're making a fool of yourself, and you're doing something horrible.

And it's sorted as quickly as it takes to type that text.

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Wed 25-Nov-15 20:50:43

Yeah you don't owe him an explanation if that's what you are thinking. It is a simple as "It's over."

Are you going to look for a new job?

Cabrinha Wed 25-Nov-15 20:53:31

Is he your boss?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 25-Nov-15 21:03:42

Get a new job. I assume you've done the classic thing of being won over by a middle aged man in a much more senior position than you.

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Wed 25-Nov-15 21:04:45

Yeah get a new job. Otherwise you will keep on going back.

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