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To think I might really have a problem!

(107 Posts)
Starwar Wed 25-Nov-15 15:51:47

Not sure if this is the right place to put this. I'm a regular poster but have NC for this.

I think I might be depressed. I don't mean just feeling down or fed up. I have no interest in doing anything at all. I ignore my friends who have given up bothering to even contact me now. I do go to work but that's it. I fake a smile and am probably still seen as the life and soul, but it's just a show, a very tiring one at that. I come home, close the curtains and go to bed. Im annoyed if the phone rings because I just want to be left alone.

I know it's not right but I can't decide if it's just a reaction to my current situation DH is leaving and will hopefully pass when that does. I am very upset about the breakdown of our marriage but I know there is no other way. it's like my entire future had been wiped out.

He says I'm being lazy and I wonder if he is right but maybe I need to see my already stretched GP. I feel to do that would just be wasting their time. I'm just so fed up and down. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this in RL. I'm hoping someone in here will give me a virtual kick up the arse.

Sorry if this is in the wrong place

goodnightdarthvader1 Wed 25-Nov-15 15:54:07

Go to the doctor.

AnyoneFucoffee Wed 25-Nov-15 15:57:07

I have to go out in literally one minute so can't give the longer reply I normally would... But just before I go...

I once apologised to a GP for wasting their time. He said to me (very kindly) 'I see 40 patients a day every day. Makes no difference to me if one of them is you or someone else'

That probably sounds like he was being stroppy but what he meant was I want wasting his time all.

I've always remembered that.

Yes you sound depressed (and who wouldn't be with what you're going through?)

I was on prozac for 9 months during a similar situation a long time ago. Best thing I ever did.

Please go to your GP.

No you're not lazy flowers

AnyoneFucoffee Wed 25-Nov-15 15:57:43

wasn't wasting

DingbatsFur Wed 25-Nov-15 15:59:30

Gp and vitamin D.
Try to get out even a little bit.
It will help.
Books, nice feel good stories.
Sorry to hear about marriage sad

Starwar Wed 25-Nov-15 16:03:24

Thanks for that reply. I do think it's more than likely reactional to my complete disaster of a life so maybe it's normal to feel like this, maybe it will pass when things settle. its normal to be down when your life is a mess right? confused

TheCrowFromBelow Wed 25-Nov-15 16:09:25

flowers totally normal to be down once in a while especially during tough times but - and I mean this in the nicest way - I think you are a bit more than down and your GP is there for all aspects of your health. Please go and see them.

Polgara25 Wed 25-Nov-15 16:11:38

Yes. It is normal.

I ended the relationship with my ex, I still felt like this.

Maybe try not to be so hard on yourself? I think that even if you want a long term relationship to end, you still need time to grieve for what could've been.

Lozza1990 Wed 25-Nov-15 16:11:40

How long have you felt like this? Do your friends know about your situation? I feel like for them to stop talking to you, it must of been a very long time or you just haven't told them. Either way you need someone to talk to. See your gp if you're worried and/or tell your friends what's going on.

pigsDOfly Wed 25-Nov-15 16:15:24

Yes, Starwar it is normal to feel down when you're going through a marriage breakup, but it doesn't mean you have to feel like you want to hide away and sleep all the time.

Go and see your GP. Don't feel like you have to get through it on your own feeling as if you're dragging yourself from home to work and back again.

You might just need something to help you over this very difficult time. Many people do. Your GP won't think you're wasting his/her time.

CurlyCustard Wed 25-Nov-15 16:18:01

Go and see your Gp flowers

wowis Wed 25-Nov-15 16:21:53

poor you starwar i've absolutely been there and it took a couple of excellent friends a long time to finally convince me I had depression. I think when you are working and getting up every day etc it can feel like I just don't feel sociable life is difficult thats all it's not depression I just like watching tele and being on my own.
I would say if this stuff is out of characyer for you as in you used to enjoy socialising it is highly liely youre depressed. Definitely go to see your gp.
I went on AD's and have never looked back. It's often only when you are out the other side you can see the hole you've been in. (I speak proffessionally too as I'm a psychotherapist)
hugs to you and flowers

Starwar Wed 25-Nov-15 16:39:35

Thanks for the replys. That's it exactly wowis. I feel that I'd be quite content sitting in watching TV on my own not having to speak to anyone but that's not normal (for me anyway). I had 3DSC who I will miss terribly.

LovelyFriend Wed 25-Nov-15 16:43:45

I feel the same as you OP.
I am absolutely sure I am properly depressed.

I am now doing a NHS CBT course for depression cause by low self esteem.
Halfway through and I am beginning to realise I'm too depressed to even care about any low self esteem - I'm sure I have that too, but I am too depressed to want to do anything about it. To act at all.

It took me 2 years to mention to the doctors (silly). Beginning to think I should have just taken the drugs.

I ended a long term EA relationship THREE years ago (father of DC) - this depression is the result of the damage that relationship cause to my self - that I am pretty sure of. I feel pathetic.

Fuck knows what to do about it though. I function at work and as a parent - but as soon as I'm on my own I completely shut down.

bessiebumptious2 Wed 25-Nov-15 16:45:06

It's a perfectly normal reaction to a massive life change. I don't necessarily agree that it's anti-depressants you need - I think it's far too easy to reach for a little pill when what you're feeling is normal within the realms of life events.

Could you find someone to talk to about how you're feeling? Your Dr may be able to point you in the right direction for that. Don't beat yourself up about feeling the way you do - just allow yourself to wallow if you want if you're in the early stages of a breakup. I will caveat this to say that if it goes on for too long then perhaps you will need something medicinal to help, but I'd exhaust every other avenue first.

What you're going through is not necessarily depression, but may be a profound sadness (which can feel like depression).

Kelsoooo Wed 25-Nov-15 16:46:19

Please go to your GP, you would if it was a physical ailment, this is no different.

MrsCrimshaw Wed 25-Nov-15 16:53:50

OP, depression can be triggered by a specific event, or can just happen to you - you don't have to justify whether it is or isn't ok to feel the way you are, the reality is that you have symptoms of depression and it's ok to seek support for that, whether in the short or long term.

I had depression on and off for years, and am still susceptible to it now if I lose my structure or feel overwhelmed. I had a combination of meds and CBT, which was really successful for me, but you do have to feel well enough in order to want the treatments to succeed, and to do the homework.

I have also seen a counsellor at times when I have felt overwhelmed. The hardest thing to do is to go to the first appointment (which for me is usually spent just crying!). However it is really important that you can offload to someone who is just there to hear you, to hear your side and be an advocate for your wellbeing. Friends/family will always try to find solutions to help fix you, which isn't always what you need.

I really hope your situation improves and you feel well enough to access some support or treatment before you drift too far into yourself. Good luck x

Spellcaster Wed 25-Nov-15 16:54:30

There is a difference between grief and depression OP. Grief is a normal and healthy response to change and loss. It lasts for a good while. Grief has stages to it - maybe someone has a good link? While depression is not healthy, but in some ways easier to talk about these days. Grief is still taboo for some reason. Definitely go to the doc, ask to see a female gp if that would make it easier to be honest with what's going on. flowers

Yiska Wed 25-Nov-15 16:56:18


BoyFromTheBigBadCity Wed 25-Nov-15 16:58:07

I echo go to the GP. You are not wasting their time, it's what their job is.

Try and walk outside every day, for at least 10 minutes or longer. But if you don't don't eat yourself up.

Be kind to yourself. Shower every day and maintain whatever your hair schedule is. Don't forget to eat.

MrsMolesworth Wed 25-Nov-15 17:02:04

Sorry you feel this way and that you are sad about the marriage breakdown. It's really hard to know if it is clinical depression or whether you, quite understandably, feel this low because you are going through a deeply traumatic time in your life. Either way, being told you are lazy by your STBX really doesn't help.

Please be really kind to yourself. Not in ways that require massive effort, but in tiny ways, to help break the cycle. Before you come home, stop at a café, order something you love and sit and just breathe and savour it. Give yourself a buffer between the drudgery of work and the stress of coming home to a house with your STBX in it.

Would you buy yourself a notebook and write down things small and large that you would love to do, or have always wanted to do from way back before you even knew him, from childhood? Are there any really easy things you could start to do? This may seem too much right now, but even day dreaming about stuff - even if it doesn't have much appeal right now, will help you gradually to reframe your image of the future and help you realise you can have lots to look forward to.

And of course, go to GP and ask for ADs to help you through this tough time if they would help. But as someone who has been on and off them all my adult life, I feel strongly that people have a right to be miserable when bad things happen. It's probably even healthy to process that misery in your own way during difficult times in your life. It's when you feel that low without a cause that you know it's depression.
flowers cake brew

SoDiana Wed 25-Nov-15 17:02:49

Are you in pain emotionally?

Work seems to be your lifeline. Stick with that no matter what.

But don't be a martyr to pain.

Cornettoninja Wed 25-Nov-15 17:03:08

My personal test is to ask myself if there is anything at all that I am looking forward to and if not can I think of anything to put in place to look forward to.

Doesn't have to be a trip around the world, something small like a show, meeting a particular friend, planting up the garden, sorting out the cupboard under the stairs, reading a book. Something that will make me feel happy/accomplished/excited. If there is nothing then I would go to the doctor. For me I know that this kind of place will lead to anxiety, almost as if my brain starts substituting no feelings for heightened awareness of risks and suddenly things I didn't feel like doing become things I'm frightened of doing.

Counselling is definitely an option, but depending on your area it may take time so if finances or charitable organisations in your area allow then it may take organisaton by you (which when you feel like this ends up being another thing to avoid) so personally I wouldn't write off medication at a low dose if that's whats needed to kick start me.

Does your employer have a decent occupational health department? There may be counselling available through that route.

Booyaka Wed 25-Nov-15 17:07:03

If you don't want to start taking anti-depressants straight away, try this site:

It was recommended by my GP and is very good. It uses CBT principles and is run by an Australian University.

It's also possibly the kind of thing which might help more with the sort of depression caused by external events than pills.

Beautifullymixed Wed 25-Nov-15 17:09:19

This is exactly my life OP.
I work in a school and chat all day long. I sing and dance with the pupils. I have a smile on my face all day.
Nobody knows I go home, close the curtains and ignore the phone (doesn't ring now anyway) and the door.

I am drained from the act of appearing 'normal'. I have no outside hobbies, go nowhere. I read, clean, surf the net, watch TV -mostly in my room sad

I have tried antidepressants in the past, the side effects have been horrendous.
I take B, and D vitamins for health. Also iron. I just feel drained and empty. No energy or get up and go.
I drag myself out for the DCS.

Don't know what to suggest OP, but I will be reading the replies. For you flowers

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