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normal....

(8 Posts)
thelittlesavages Wed 25-Nov-15 00:22:32

I am really sorry to offload my problems on others but I would appreciate any advice... My partner seemed to struggle with family life/ work and became very up and down. One minute everything would seem perfect to him and he was so high and happy with life - but then something would happen, eg the kids start arguing or not enjoying themselves and it was like the world would come crashing down around him and suddenly in a matter of five minutes he would end up talking about killing himself. The worst was when he sat in a bath while we were on holiday in a cabin in a wood and with a knife at his throat in front of me and the children and he said if I didn't take them away he was going to kill himself.
There were about half a dozen slightly less dramatic incidents after this and a few where I felt me and the kids were at risk and took them out the house. But now he is calmer. But despite me ringing the gp and making appointments for him he won't go to a doctor.
He is much calmer now, but gets angry very easily and shouts at the children and me every day about something.
I have thought about leaving him many times but I feel I have lost track of what is normal in a family.
I know people and argue and have conflict and have hard times, but what kind of emotional upheaval is normal do you think in family life?

ilovelamp82 Wed 25-Nov-15 00:32:06

Not this. It sounds awful. It sounds like he's clearly not going through a great time himself but the fact that he is shouting and making threats everyday to you and your children is not right. The fact that he is not willing to go and see a doctor and in effect is telling you "tough, you just have to deal with me", shows just how little respect he has for you.

I'm willing to bet my last pound that you change yours and the kids behaviour to avoid his moods/shouting.

This is no way for you or your kids to live.

You can't fix him. You will damage your own emotional wellbeing trying to.

He needs to want to fix himself and then act on it, not just pay lipservice.

A life is not worth living on eggshells.

whatdoIget Wed 25-Nov-15 00:55:58

You need to start logging these incidents with the police and/or your GP. It's not normal for you to feel that you and your children are in danger from your partner. Could you phone women's aid or the police for advice? The thing with the knife sounds terrifying. You need to put you and your children first and keep yourselves safe.

whatdoIget Wed 25-Nov-15 00:58:01

I know you say he's calmer now but it's not normal for you and the children to be shouted at daily by your Dh. It sounds horrible. I'm sorry you're going through this

Topsy44 Wed 25-Nov-15 11:36:30

This isn't normal. Your oh needs to get professional help. If he has talked about ending his own life then he is unwell.

I would suggest if he won't go to see your gp then you go on his behalf and talk to your gp about this. This is too much for you to deal with on your own and is not your problem, it's his.

Good luck and I'm sorry you are going through this.

Joysmum Wed 25-Nov-15 11:58:51

Is is not normal. If he won't seek help and can't see the damage he is doing others then no matter how much you love him, you need to take steps to protect your kids and yourself from the emotional damage is doing to you.

molyholy Wed 25-Nov-15 12:00:40

This is NOT normal.

The worst was when he sat in a bath while we were on holiday in a cabin in a wood and with a knife at his throat in front of me and the children and he said if I didn't take them away he was going to kill himself

Your children will grow up damaged if you can't even work out whether this relationship is 'normal or not.

Your husband needs help fast and I would not be allowing him to live in the family home until he got the help he needed and could prove to you he was mentally balanced.

Garlick Wed 25-Nov-15 13:56:43

Fucking hell. That is MASSIVE child abuse.

If you can't see that it is, you are already badly damaged and are setting your kids up for horrific mental health problems.

Since it seems you can't see it, please take our word for it. You must remove him from your children's daily life. Call Women's Aid for advice, they'll know what to say to you. 0808 2000 247.

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