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Would you ditch?

(74 Posts)
SeaCreature Tue 24-Nov-15 18:52:51

I've had to register on here as it has been a long time since I have posted and I no longer use the email address I first registered with.

Warning: this post contains sexual content blush

I am quite out of the loop with dating as I was in a very long term relationship that was abusive. When I finished with my ex I took a year out. I have now met a man who is nice and has similar interests with me. It has been normal so far in that he isn't full on and is nice and polite.

We have slept together twice now and quite frankly it is putting me off him. The first time he could not get it up but I put it down to nerves and I myself haven't done it in a very long time.

The second time he struggled to get it up and we spent most of the time with me giving him a hand job blush. He eventually came but it was in my hand. I have realised now that it was all about him and he didn't really try to give me any pleasure. There was a couple of poor attempts and then he just lay back. I'm also feeling quite low that he couldn't get it up and I'm taking it personally. Surely at the early stages we should be practically ripping our clothes off and there shouldn't be problems like this?

Should I cut my losses or give him a chance as he isn't really experienced despite being in his thirties?

magoria Tue 24-Nov-15 18:55:48

Even without an erection as you say he could have attempted to pleasure you.

Maybe give it one more try and be more forward about him getting you off before he cums.

If he doesn't then cut your losses and move on.

ruddygreattiger Tue 24-Nov-15 18:57:01

So he was happy with a hand job but gave nothing in return? Just selfish, selfish, selfish. Don't waste anymore of your time on this lazy idiot. Next!!

AnyFucker Tue 24-Nov-15 18:57:54


spudlike1 Tue 24-Nov-15 18:57:48

Talk to him
Tell him how you feel , find out what his views are .
He could be nervous , intimidated, self centred, selfish ??? blah blah
Who knows?
But sex can be an awkward business

noclueses Tue 24-Nov-15 18:58:18

a lot of men have ED problems to a varying degree. This is not likely to change.
BUT in his case, if he is inexperienced, he may be unusually nervous and would need to build up to 'full performance' - if you really like him otherwise, I'd say be patient, but if not that much anyway, you wouldn't have a motivation to be patient anyway. Btw if he drank more than his usual amount for courage, that could have caused sex issues.

spudlike1 Tue 24-Nov-15 18:59:08

Or what AnyFucker said grin

RedMapleLeaf Tue 24-Nov-15 18:59:26

The erection problem I haven't dealt with; I hope I would be understanding and patient. However, the one-sidedness of the sex... doesn't sound good. You're pretty patient, there's no way I'd spend that amount of time on a new partner blush I'd just stick to more mutually satisfying activities.

Is the foreplay good?

WickedWax Tue 24-Nov-15 19:04:42

He's lazy or selfish or inexperienced.

The first two won't change, the inexperience you could work on if you can be bothered training him up.

Personally, I'd bin him.

SeaCreature Tue 24-Nov-15 19:06:07

I can cope with the lack of erection as I do understand that he could be nervous. It was the fact that he didn't seem to care about my pleasure. The foreplay wasn't that good either. He just kissed me and then there was some fingering blush which he stopped once I starting giving him a hand blush.

I just don't know how long I can continue like this without full on proper sex blush.

Finola1step Tue 24-Nov-15 19:07:50


Twinklestein Tue 24-Nov-15 19:08:04


ALaughAMinute Tue 24-Nov-15 19:09:37

So he can't get it up and he's selfish in bed?

Get rid!

lavenderhoney Tue 24-Nov-15 19:11:53

Has this happened to him before? Does he say he's inexperienced?

I'd probably see what he said then decide. Because a life of no sex and you doing all the work/ no pleasure sounds grim.

ImperialBlether Tue 24-Nov-15 19:14:31

I think you'll find he's a porn fiend. Nothing does it for him except his eyes and his right hand.

Jw35 Tue 24-Nov-15 19:17:17

Waste of time, ditch!

SeaCreature Tue 24-Nov-15 19:47:08

ImperialBlether that crossed my mind too as a hand job seems to be the only way he can get it up.

I'm finding it difficult though as outside of the bedroom he is a really nice guy. My ex was controlling and always putting me down. Funny though the ex was good in bed blush.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 24-Nov-15 19:50:43

He didn't care about your pleasure on the first two times he got in your knickers? What an entitled prick!

Get rid immediately.

goddessofsmallthings Tue 24-Nov-15 19:58:16

Don't bother wasting any more time on this one. Throw him back and cast your rod for one who makes you feel desirable in every room way.

wuckfit Tue 24-Nov-15 19:58:56

Wouldn't waste your time ditch him

TooSassy Tue 24-Nov-15 20:03:21

Oh good god.

I have sympathy with the ED. but there are NO excuses for not ensuring you too were satisfied. Half the fun in a new relationship is foreplay.

He came and just lay back???

Not worth wasting anymore time on.

AnyFucker Tue 24-Nov-15 20:27:20

He's got the "death grip" problem, hasn't he ?

Oysterbabe Tue 24-Nov-15 20:44:58

Defo sounds like death grip. My ex had it.
I'd move on if I were you.

TooSassy Tue 24-Nov-15 20:53:39

TIL that death grip is a term. I also learnt what it means!

Every day is a school day! grin

ElderlyKoreanLady Tue 24-Nov-15 21:06:33

Ditch! If he's aware he has an ED issue he should be prepared to pleasure you in other ways, certainly the first 2 times.

FWIW, my ex had an ED issue. Unless he was watching porn.

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