Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Bumped into ex and his new family after over a year of NC

(21 Posts)
maybeanotherdaysoon Tue 24-Nov-15 17:48:40

Had a slightly hideous experience while shopping today. I was looking for something for dinner when I glanced to the left of me and saw my ex with the woman he left me for and their baby. I suppose it was inevitable as we all live in the same area but I still never wanted to see him again.

To give a bit of background, he left me after 4 years for a married woman, who he got pregnant very soon after. It took me a long time to come to terms with it and took me a little while to get over the hurt he caused.

What happened today though was just bizarre. He obviously saw me because he literally turned and ran away, leaving his new gf standing there with the baby. I turned and walked very quickly in the opposite direction, until I was a few aisles away.

A few minutes later, I turned to see the new gf following me up the aisle, staring at me intently. I have never met her before so I have no idea what she was doing. The baby was with her too which made it even stranger. I walked away from her and lost them. Unfortunately, I bumped into them again (he had been reunited with her after his disappearing act) when I was walking to the checkout - walked right in front of them but I made sure I didn't look at them or acknowledge them in any way.

I suppose the positive thing I gained from it all was that I'm no longer anxious about bumping into them together. It was something I used to worry about, but no longer. He seemed much more uncomfortable than I was. It's also made me realise that he's not the person I thought he was and I can finally see him for what he is. The first thing I thought when I saw him was not how much I miss him or how much he hurt me, but actually how terrible his posture is, so that must be a good sign. grin

ILiveAtTheBeach Tue 24-Nov-15 18:03:45

Aha ha ha. I bet he is absolutely knackered with this new baby/sleepless nights/shitty nappies and I bet OW does not look quite so glam these days with her cracked nipples, stretch marks, flabby belly, sick down her top Meanwhile, here you are serenely coasting the aisles, looking fabulous. Brilliant. flowers

spudlike1 Tue 24-Nov-15 18:53:51

He was running away !! Want a silly d**ck
Very immature ...poor OW who's lumbered now.

noclueses Tue 24-Nov-15 19:03:37

oh God, what a nightmare. And why on earth was she following you and staring? sounds like she wanted to talk - the last thing you'd want! At least you've gone through it and didn't have to speak to then in the end.

Loiterer Tue 24-Nov-15 19:23:08

Was bound to happen. Look at it this way, you're free now.

ILive having a new baby myself I've got all of those things blush lets judge OW on the fact she lied and cheated rather her looking like shit?

bjrce Tue 24-Nov-15 19:27:52

Actually, I would say the OW was angry. First, that her Partner did a runner as soon as he saw you, but also he just left her there. it probably made her feel as if he was ashamed to be seen there with them. This would have really pissed her off. It really gave you the power. He was ashamed
The reason she followed you and stared you out of it was probably because she wanted you to know she's not running from you. I'd say she had a few choice words with him when they met up again.

Jesus, you're well rid of him, talk about a little rat running scared. WIMP!

Vinci74 Tue 24-Nov-15 20:52:50

I thought it sounded like she was trying to intimidate you and show that she was in charge - which shows she's insecure about you. Oh dear. They say you reap what you sow. She's saddled with him now.

inlectorecumbit Tue 24-Nov-15 22:23:57

you should have turned and faced her in the isle.- Smiled sweetly and said that you were no threat to her, that you turned him down when her begged to come back to you. Then you should have thanked her for taking off your hands as you realise life is so much better without him.

All lies of course but to create a wee bit trouble in paradise grin

sykadelic Wed 25-Nov-15 04:13:35

If she's never met you she may have been wondering if you were the "new her" instead of the "old her".

Picture this, you're out with your boyfriend/husband and he sees a woman that you don't know and turns and runs away without saying anything to you or her. My panic, knowing that he cheated to be with me, was that he was about to be caught out cheating on me. I would wonder who she was and why he was scared of her/you,

cranberryx Wed 25-Nov-15 04:44:16

Something similar happened to me once (sorry to hijack) my ex and his shiny new gf that he had left me for although 2 years down the line.

I didn't have my glasses on, perusing the aisles of superdrug looking for paracetamol with a female friend, new gf came up behind me as if she wanted to say something - didn't know her from eve as I couldn't see her face properly.

I stepped back, she was so close I almost hit her. I just said "take it you want the KY jelly, because your getting awfully close" I honestly don't know what made me say it, maybe having my bf there made me show off like a bit of a joker.

It wasn't until I was out of the shop that my bf said, "you realise that was so and so!"

I never felt prouder or more blind

StayWithMe Wed 25-Nov-15 05:39:10

Cranberry that was absolutely hilarious. I've nothing to add to the thread. Just wanted to say that.

CakeMountain Wed 25-Nov-15 13:16:55

inlectorecumbit wouldn't that be a bit cruel, to cause problems in a relationship with a new child. Child takes precedence here I think.

AyeAmarok Wed 25-Nov-15 13:32:47

Eh, Cake hmm I don't see how it does. If you choice to have a child with a lying cheating bastard (and are a cheat yourself), then you can't go through life expecting everyone to pussyfoot round you lest you be reminded that your DP is a lying cheat!

The relationship is probably not the most secure/robust, but that's because of the history and personality of the two people in it, not anyone else!

Dowser Wed 25-Nov-15 13:36:28

There's a recipe for dealing with awkward situations like this. Take the bull by the horns, tack on bright smiley face, go up and say
Hi, nice to see you
Is this your new baby. Beautiful.
If asked... How are you ...champion. Doing reall well thanks

Oh well, nice to see you all doing so well.

Breeze in and breeze out.

AyeAmarok Wed 25-Nov-15 14:10:10

True Dowser

Although you need to be quite prepared to do that, it's hard to regain your composure quick enough if you're caught off guard.

maybeanotherdaysoon Wed 25-Nov-15 17:54:17

I think she knows who I am and what I look like, as there were lots of photos of me and exP on Facebook, probably around the time she reeled him in met him.

I think she followed me to intimidate me. From what I've heard, she's quite a domineering, pushy person so I can imagine that she would have the nerve to do that. No way could I have gone up to them and started a conversation. I can't stand the sight of him so I definitely wouldn't want to speak to him.

noclueses Wed 25-Nov-15 18:49:09

I can see that OP. I wouldn't want a conversation with a hated ex at all, my instinct would be to walk away as fast as poss - as you did. Once I saw a much-despised ex at a railway station, walking in my direction but not seeing me yet. I had a horrible adrenalin rush as felt trapped where I was - I dived into my bag - bending low so that he couldn't see me. If he did - he could tell I was doing everything to avoid him, but hopefully he didn't - then I got up and ran once he s passed. Obvoiusly it doesn't apply to all exes, some can be even friends.

noclueses Wed 25-Nov-15 18:51:28

well done not confronting her despite her pushiness - you came across as 'couldn't care less about you' rather than wanting an argument which would only be upsetting afterwards. Also putting a small could be preceived as trying too hard (unless you were cornered).

noclueses Wed 25-Nov-15 18:51:45

*putting a small talk act on

tribpot Wed 25-Nov-15 18:55:35

My reading of it was that she didn't know who you were, got flustered by her DP's reaction to seeing you, is worried he is now having an affair with you and followed you trying to psych you into revealing something.

springydaffs Wed 25-Nov-15 19:08:57

You kept your powder dry, maybean. Elegant unlike the trollop steaming up the aisle like a rhinoceros

Blardy well done flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now