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partners left

(15 Posts)
Meljenks30 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:27:02

Hi all

just want to rant on here if that's ok lol

i was with my partner for 11 years and we have a 19 month old son, we Haven't been happy since his birth and tired ending it last month but my partner was like " well talk and get through it, im not loving out as its my house too" But Friday just gone he said we should end it (which i agree on) but what hurt me is that hes moved in with another woman and their "giving it a go" so we finished "officially" on Friday then he moved in with her on the Saturday.....is it me of does it seem our whole 11 year relationship doesn't even bother him? i know we haven't been happy but still. and then for her to tell him she likes him knowing he has a fiancée is also annoying me!! am i being unreasonable at being angry at that... hes talking to be like im a friend and he doesn't seem sad or anything?

tribpot Tue 24-Nov-15 12:31:31

Clearly he got together with her a while ago. Was she in a relationship of her own until last Friday as well? I'm wondering if his initial comment about not moving out was because she didn't want him to move in at that point.

It sounds like he checked out of the relationship a long time ago. All you can do now is work on putting it behind you - not that anyone could expect that to happen overnight.

More importantly what arrangements are in place in terms of finance for and contact with your ds?

Meljenks30 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:37:45

no she was single, he said he stayed because of our son and he didn't want to leave him...saying that he hasn't even texted to see how he is in 4 days.

he will be paying £120 a month for him BUT wont help pay his nursery free's and hes left me paying all this months bills even tho he lived here for the most of November.

I want him to see his son as much as poss as i want my son and him to still have a bond. hes coming to mine on the 6th dec and the 24th for a few hours to see him.

Inexperiencedchick Tue 24-Nov-15 12:46:30

I'm sorry you are in this situation.

You are really better off without him.

flowers

rockabillyruby82 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:48:50

My STBXH is pretty much the same, he's treating our break up like we were gf/bf, doesn't seem at all bothered that he's thrown away a marriage, home, DS and baby and is with the woman he was seeing behind my back. It's so hurtful.
We also hadn't been happy since DS was young. He says I changed, problem is he didn't.
There's no way of understanding his actions without prolonging the pain. And you're unlikely to ever really know the truth I'm afraid. Try to focus on DS and your future with him, take it one day at a time.

Meljenks30 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:51:25

yes i know, i haven't been happy for a while and i was like his mother taking him to and from work and picking up after him.

I am just sooo annoyed and shocked that 1 - she persued him while we were still together, she obviously has no morals and 2- he's moved in with her and not with her a day after we split up!!!!

I just dont know what to do with my self as i havent been on my own for 11 years.

Meljenks30 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:52:46

thank you rockabillyruby82, hope your ok. yes i am trying just so annoying and hurtful.

Leigh1980 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:55:22

I actually did this to my Ex. No kids been together for ten years. Our old friend moved in as he didn't have anywhere to stay and I do butterflies that I hadn't felt in ages and told my ex it was over. I don't and will never know why as I had literally had a major breakdown where I'd been in hospital and I honestly didn't know what I was doing. The new guy and I are still together but I will never forgive myself for the hurt I caused. I was not thinking straight and had literally lost my mind! It haunts me everyday.

Leigh1980 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:56:12

Sorry I felt butterflies not do!!

rockabillyruby82 Tue 24-Nov-15 12:57:05

My STBXH's OW knew he was married, had a DS and baby on way. Didn't stop her! Some women are just vile.
He clearly has no morals either though and if the case is that she pursued him and they had an affair, he should have either blocked her advances or ended things with you.
It sounds like you're well rid. If you're anything like me you're angry at the deceit but mostly having that control taken away. If a relationship is over it should be a mutual thing.

tribpot Tue 24-Nov-15 13:10:39

You (probably) have no idea what he told her - he could have said you split up ages ago but were sharing a house until finances were sorted so he was a free agent. The problem isn't her behaviour, it's his.

It sounds like he couldn't give a toss about seeing his ds, sadly. I wouldn't waste much effort trying to keep their relationship going. That's up to him to do. I wouldn't make it too easy for him by hosting him in your home every time, although appreciate it will be easier for your ds to be in familiar surroundings at least at first. I'd start making noises about where he can take him out for contact once your ds is more used to it.

Are you pursuing him for money through the proper channels, so if/when he changes his mind about paying anything you have a paper trail? Nice that he can just decide to stop paying nursery fees as well as bills.

Inexperiencedchick Tue 24-Nov-15 13:24:55

Exactly what Tribpot said.

who knows what he had told her.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 24-Nov-15 13:45:42

Get to CAB and find out what you are entitled to regarding benefits and housing etc...
Then get onto the child maintenance people and find out what he SHOULD be paying you. NOT what HE want to pay you.
Do you know how much he earns?
You can get a sense of what he should be paying you HERE
So if he earns £25K, he should be paying you £58 per week, so you are being short changed massively.
Do you rent?
Do you work?
Sorry, but most men only leave once they have their next nest all set up.
It's just how a lot of them are.

Meljenks30 Tue 24-Nov-15 14:16:40

hello, worry i was on my lunch break at work.

she knew we were together as i know of her and she knows of me.

we are sorting out the payments with each other and not through the official channels, maybe that's the wrong thing to do. if he misses even one payment ill go through CSA.

yes i rent and work full time, im going to have to cut my hours right down so my son isnt in nursery as much as it costs me £40 per day.

He actually only started paying nursery fee's two months ago but hes been there since February.

she doesnt work and what i gather is into her drugs.

I am glad hes moved out as i was sick of his attitude, moods. messiness.

I am just so hurt and angry that hes with her!!

bjrce Tue 24-Nov-15 16:43:12

" She doesn't work and what I gather is into her drugs".

OMG OP be thankful he isn't currently looking for custody or overnights with your DC.

Let him off. He wasn't making you happy.
Word of caution. Go down the formal route for maintenance. It doesn't look like they are going to be a reliable source for finance.

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