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How would you play this?

(14 Posts)
Pancake2015 Tue 24-Nov-15 10:20:08

I have been talking to someone i see quite regualarly - just general bumping into them, being at the same place, same time.
I was noticing little signs of interest and started wondering how to show my interest in him.
He then spotted me on a dating website and started talking. We both happened the join on the same day without knowing.

Im not ready for a relationship right now. I have been single for a couple of months. I am looking for a friend who would have the potential of being a future boyfriend. It seems he is looking for the same.
His circumstances are that he has just recently split, only forced to live together at the minute.

Am i right in thinking to not allow anything at all to happen until they are fully seperated? Would going for coffee be alright?
They are definitely seperated. She does have another boyfriend who she left him for.
I just know i do not want to be involved like 'that' while they are still in the position they are in.

ALaughAMinute Tue 24-Nov-15 10:30:27

I don't think there's any harm in going for a coffee as long as you don't get emotionally involved. Easier said than done, so be careful.

What does he want? Has he suggested you meet up?

rockabillyruby82 Tue 24-Nov-15 10:32:27

2 months is definitely not long enough to be thinking about meeting some one else. I'd just keep it to the chit chat. Meeting up, even just for coffee, could put you in the middle of what sounds like an ongoing break up.

Pancake2015 Tue 24-Nov-15 10:38:56

He has suggested going for a coffee at some point. There has been nothing set for it to happen.
That is what i dont want. I dont want to be caught up in it.
But i dont want to deny a friendship, either.
I think i will stick to chit chat for just now.
How do i get that across to him without sounding like i dont want to get to know him better?

rockabillyruby82 Tue 24-Nov-15 10:43:39

I don't think you need to. A coffee is a coffee, it's how you behave when you meet up that will let him know what you do/don't want.

Pancake2015 Tue 24-Nov-15 10:49:19

How? I would just be my normal self and speak to him as i do any other time.

rockabillyruby82 Tue 24-Nov-15 10:56:05

I mean being flirty, body language.

Pancake2015 Tue 24-Nov-15 10:57:15

Oh right lol

Seeyounearertime Tue 24-Nov-15 11:07:28

I talk out my ass most of the time but am I the only one that find it odd that a guy who is interested in OP is magically regularly in the same place? Bumping into them, joining dating sites the very same day etc?
Am I reading more into coincidences than I should? confused

ALaughAMinute Tue 24-Nov-15 11:10:37

I agree it sounds a bit odd Seeyou. Wonder what he's playing at?

plainjanine Tue 24-Nov-15 13:03:35

Playing Devil's Advocate for a minute... Why is he unable to leave his current ex-partner? Is it because he hasn't yet told her she's an ex?

I would be very suspicious of his motives, not just because he's not-quite-single. In my experience, men don't want to be just friends with a woman, whether or not they've only just finished a releationship.

Just my 2c.

Guiltypleasures001 Tue 24-Nov-15 13:09:45

Seeyou you took the text right off of my keyboard

Pancake2015 Tue 24-Nov-15 13:44:13

We had never spoken about any of us being on dating websites. I dont even have him on facebook, so there was no way of either of us knowing that either of us were on there.
There has been a lot of coincidences, but they literally are just that.
They have kids - just moved into this house and stuff. She has apparently been with someone else even though all of this has happened. I see her around and can speak to her, too. So if he was lying, then he would know he would be found out.

The same time, same place is the school run. We do see each other elsewhere frequently, too, but it is mostly there.
I was trying to keep that info hidden so to not out myself lol.

Whythehellnot Tue 24-Nov-15 15:52:17

It would be potentially very complicated. He has only just split and is still living with the family? I think he needs to let the dust settle first.

Exh and I separated but continued living together for convenience. Neither of us would have started seeing anyone else during that period as it would have got messy and upsetting.

I also wouldn't start seeing one of the dads on the school run (I did consider it at one stage but too worried about the fallout.)

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