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He behaves atrociously and then goes running to my friends and mother

(42 Posts)
CraigRevelHorwoodsPetCat Mon 23-Nov-15 16:06:43

Name changed for this - split up with boyfriend of a few months.

I'm exceptionally happy about it.

We split up because he was a sex pest. I literally couldn't lie beside him in bed without him tugging down my pyjama bottoms; the final straw was when I woke up because his hands where they really shouldn't have been. I felt violated and disgusted.

Anyway, since then he has rang, text, private mailed on Facebook, emailed..I've blocked everything without reply. I told him when I ended it that I wanted to be left alone.

Now, he's bombarding my friends and my mother. Friends have told him where to go; mother (not surprisingly) has utmost sympathy for him and keeps telling me how cruel I am, for hurting such a "lovely man."

My mum is very old fashioned, despite her youth and refuses to consider that I have a sexual relationship with anyone; and even if I did tell her why I left him - she'd make an excuse for him and tell me that I was dreaming. We don't have a close relationship.

I don't even know why I'm posting. I am just so annoyed sad

laundryeverywhere Mon 23-Nov-15 16:12:54

I'd tell your Mum, if she likes him so much she's welcome to him. Or tell her he has perverted desires that you prefer not to talk about, but if you did she would have a different opinion of him. If she doesn't believe you say look at Rolf Harris, every loved him too.

LineyReborn Mon 23-Nov-15 16:15:53

Report him for harassment.

As for your mum. I feel for you. I don't exact get on with mine either.

category12 Mon 23-Nov-15 16:16:39

What a tosser. Keep ignoring. If he keeps harassing you, consider getting the police involved.

Sorry about your mother. angry

CraigRevelHorwoodsPetCat Mon 23-Nov-15 16:18:36

My mum believes men are there to be obeyed. It caused plenty of arguments in my youth hmm I am just disgusted. And I hate the thought of him pressuring some other girl sad

CraigRevelHorwoodsPetCat Mon 23-Nov-15 16:20:02

He actually emailed me the other day "hey babe..blah blah..can't wait for Christmas. Please reply xx"

He's lost the plot.

And all I'm getting from DM is "please hear him out." "I didn't raise you to be so cruel."


pocketsaviour Mon 23-Nov-15 16:20:33

Ugh, he sounds utterly vile. Good on you for getting rid of him.

How long is it since you split? If he continues trying to get to you through friends and family, I'd consider logging it with 101.

If you mum continues to facilitate his harassment, you may need to block her too - at least temporarily. It doesn't sound like she brings much positivity to your life?

CraigRevelHorwoodsPetCat Mon 23-Nov-15 16:25:31

He is. Very kind and generous man, very interesting and generally nice. Until it comes to trying to get some sleep. In my eyes "NO" means no; not roll over and wait until your girlfriend is half asleep to try and tug off her bottoms. Sickened. Totally skin crawling sickened. We've split about two weeks.

As for mum; she is lovely. But a doormat to my dad and was a "daddy's girl" to my granda. Victorian mindset. It's "not right" for a man to cook, or clean. Dinner on table for husband being home, nod and agree and never have an opinion. She's 47 ffs. Married for 29 years, but the less said about my dad the better.

I've already had the "you're my mum, not his" nowhere sad

Owllady Mon 23-Nov-15 16:29:21

Could you not just tell her you were sexually assaulted and his behaviour was making you feel unsafe?
I honestly think I'd just tell her the truth. He sounds extremely manipulative

CraigRevelHorwoodsPetCat Mon 23-Nov-15 16:31:59

I don't think she'd believe me. She's the kind of woman who thinks young women get raped because they were short skirts and drink alcohol. Pathetic beliefs. But knowing her, she'd either tell me I imagined him doing it or tell me that as a good wee girlfriend I should just let him do what makes him happy. And I wish I was making this up. I have a dinosaur mum angry

kittybiscuits Mon 23-Nov-15 16:32:27

Your Mum is not lovely if she thinks men are there to be obeyed and forms an alliance against you with your strange, sexually abusive ex.

OurBlanche Mon 23-Nov-15 16:32:33

Tell her something she can understand "Mum, he hurt me, physically hurt me and I can't even look at him any more".

Then again, if you have already had the "whose mum are you?" conversation, maybe that won't work.

You may need to shout at her. And block him entirely - or maybe a repeated "fuck off" reply.

Good luck getting through to both of them!

CraigRevelHorwoodsPetCat Mon 23-Nov-15 16:35:45

I can deal with him, I suppose. Ignorance is bliss. I just hate her siding with everyone over me. I know I sound like a petulant child sad but I think if I told her what he's been doing and she dismissed me, it would cause a massive amount of hurt

Redskyatnight01 Mon 23-Nov-15 16:36:53

Eurgh- sounds very familiar! His name doesn't begin with J does it?!

You're well rid OP!

IwishIwasinNewYork Mon 23-Nov-15 16:40:15

Your mum is the problem here, more than your ex. But you know that.

I'm sorry. Many of us have disappointing or toxic parents. It hurts.

But the amazing, fabulous thing is that despite your upbringing, you have great instincts, values and beliefs.

Just ignore her, tell her 'mum you don't know the half of it' and keep repeating that.

As for him. Block, report, consider police if he doesn't stop.

CraigRevelHorwoodsPetCat Mon 23-Nov-15 16:41:25

No, RedSky but it's a horrid thing, isn't it? I initially thought I was being dramatic, confided in my best friend and she was outraged. Now that I've had some time to think, I am beyond disgusted. A bath of bleach wouldn't make me feel any cleaner sad

kittybiscuits Mon 23-Nov-15 16:42:23

There is nothing petulant about expecting some loyalty and support from the person who should be your closest ally. I broke contact with mine for similar reasons and I haven't regretted it at all. It is very unsteadying when the person who should have your back is really disloyal.

GruntledOne Mon 23-Nov-15 16:45:07

Tell your mother she didn't bring you up to put up with people being cruel to you day after day. I agree with Iwish's advice to keep telling her that she doesn't know the half of it, and to butt out because she doesn't know what she's talking about.

CraigRevelHorwoodsPetCat Mon 23-Nov-15 16:46:38

You are right, IWish. 100% right. Luckily I am relatively well balanced considering the upbringing I've had. It would be so nice to have support

KinkyAfro Mon 23-Nov-15 16:48:33

Tell your mum exactly why you've split with him, if she dismisses you then you're better off without her. She doesn't sound anything like a lovely mum, she sounds absolutely awful

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Mon 23-Nov-15 16:51:53

No means No and waking up to someone with their hands where they shouldn't be is sexual assault.

If he is still harassing you, I would consider speaking to the police to get him to back off.

As for your mum: "It's over mum and it isn't up for discussion"
It's a shame she doesn't realise she should back you 100% flowers

Finola1step Mon 23-Nov-15 16:57:23

You are well rid. flowers

I am shocked at your mum's attitude. Absolutely shocked. Why am I so shocked? Your mum is only a few years older than me and I can honestly say no woman in my social group has ever uttered such opinions and beliefs.

I'm actually a bit worried about your mum.

CraigRevelHorwoodsPetCat Mon 23-Nov-15 17:06:53

Finola I have tried, for years, to try to find out why she is that way. My granny was basically a servant to my granda. And my mum and dad have been together since they were fourteen. Learned behaviour, maybe?

I'm just glad that I'm not her. We're in NI - a very strange wee country with odd laws. She didn't speak to me for a week when I voted for a political party that supports abortion and same-sex marriage hmm

P1nkP0ppy Mon 23-Nov-15 17:11:16

My mum's the same; first BF was a lech and couldn't keep his hands to himself. I dumped him pdq and all I got was 'he's lovely, he called your father Sir'...wth?

timelytess Mon 23-Nov-15 17:14:07

You are right, your mum is wrong. No-one should be taking sex that isn't freely given, we have a word for that.

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