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can a blended family work?

(14 Posts)
keepwhimsical Sun 22-Nov-15 21:31:51

I love my new (tho he was my first love) partner deeply. He and I have both been married and have two kids each, between 8 and 11, who get on well. I have been a single parent for 4 years and in many ways I like it. We are planning to all move in together, which I know will be a big change. My main fear is that it will be miserable. Do any of you have encouraging stories or can advise?

Finallyonboard Sun 22-Nov-15 21:34:41

Not helpful at all, but, I hated being part of a step family growing up and will be a single parent rather than put my DC through it. I hope this works well for you though flowers

Onmyownwith4kids Sun 22-Nov-15 21:51:19

I grew up in a blended family. My mum started living with my stepdad when I was nine. I had an older brother. Aquired 2 stepsisters and a stepbrother. Went from family of 3 to 7 of us with 5 children all similar ages. It worked for us. Really close to my stepdad and step siblings. I don't think of them any differently to my biological brother. It worked for us. I loved growing up in a big blended family which got even bigger when another baby arrived!

GummyBunting Sun 22-Nov-15 21:56:23

I love being a blended family.
My mum got with my step dad when I was 9 ish. He had full custody of his two children, so we all lived together.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

My only advice is to not let the children dictate how you live. A lot of amendments were made for my step sister and actually it's caused more harm than good. Trust that you know what's best.

wallywobbles Sun 22-Nov-15 21:58:41

We went from 4 to 6. I loved being the youngest. Was really positive.

BobbleCat Mon 23-Nov-15 09:59:29

I've never seen it work, in family or friends. I've seen it make some very tight financial/child care situations more doable, and I've seen late teen children just about cope with it til they went off to study.

But I've never seen a situation where the children loved it, even though they might have made a good fist of pretending to when their parents asked.

KeepOnMoving1 Mon 23-Nov-15 10:04:57

I too haven't seen it work, however I'm sure there are as many situations where it did.
Maybe give it a trial run first to see how all the logistics pan out, rather than jumping in and dealing with big issues down the road.

wallywobbles Mon 23-Nov-15 11:01:20

As I said above I was a child in a blended family. It worked for us all. Difficult kids will remain difficult kids, regardless of the family dynamic.

It never seems to work on here, but I don't suppose any family is all easy. My eldest DC is more resistant that the others, but she always was/is, so I don't think its the blending that is the issue! She would have preferred to be an only child.

For the other 3 it's pretty good. We are still not living together permanently, after 2 years - but are heading that way. Hopefully by September 2016, with our forever home completed sometime in 2017.

grobagsforever Mon 23-Nov-15 18:40:24

Blended families are like nuclear families - some work out and some don't. Second marriages actually have a lower divorce rate. All down to the individuals involved. Nothing is impossible but nothing worth having is easy.

Orangeanddemons Mon 23-Nov-15 18:44:05

We did it. Ds went from being an only to having 2stepbrothers and a1/2sister. He gets on great with his step siblings and vice versa. They're like proper brothers. He always said he liked it, as there was always something going on!

It wasn't easy at times, but it worked for us!

UmbongoUnchained Mon 23-Nov-15 18:49:02

I've been with my new partner for 6 months now, he has full custody of his DC and I have full custody of mine. We are going to spend next year staying one night a week at each others houses to see if we function well as a family, then if successful move in together the year after! Hoping to hear some more positive stories on this thread!

hippyshake Mon 23-Nov-15 18:54:57

Not sure if we count as a blended family as I had a DS from a previous r/l but DH had no dc. We've been married for six years and we're all very happy. Probably different from many situations as DS had no contact with his own bio dad, so DS doesn't view DH as replacing anyone. Also I haven't had any more dc with DH, so DS is still an only child (no plans to change this), which he enjoys. We've had no issues with finances or house rules, we moved to a bigger house and put all money in one pot and DH and I both regard DS as both our financial responsibility. DH and I agree on all major issues and we've never had any issues with parenting decisions.

Keeptrudging Mon 23-Nov-15 18:57:35

It works for us as far as the kids all getting on - they really are like siblings, I look at them all playing/snuggled up on the couch together sometimes and feel really blessed to have them in my life. My DD calls my DH 'Dad' (as hers has never been in her life) and they have a good relationship. I also really appreciate my (lovely) extended family.

The hardest bit for me about being a blended family has been dealing the actions of his ex (indirectly, we've never met/spoken). She's a bit tricky, even though they'd been separated for many years before I met my DH. I bite my tongue/butt out, it's for him to deal with, I just commiserate! grin

After being a single parent for many years, it was hard sharing space/making joint decisions and having to think about other people. If you treat each other with kindness and patience and don't expect instant bonds, you'll be fine. We had far too much invested in this relationship to ruin it with petty arguments and so we both talk things over like adults/calmly. It's very refreshing.

shebefierce Mon 23-Nov-15 19:03:08

It really didn't work for me...thought I was open and generous and would find it easy. Turns out I couldn't handle kids other than my own around at all and it was a significant factor (among others) in breaking up. Living with someone else's child is so hard. Never being quite sure of your place, or relationship with them. My son was left quite off balance too. I hated it and was very shocked at myself for feeling so strongly.

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