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relationship break up

(15 Posts)
icklacknok Sat 21-Nov-15 21:14:42

Hi

My partner wanted to end our relationship about 3 months ago saying that she just didn't want to be in a relationship any more with me or anyone. We were having a few issues but nothing I thought we couldn't sort out. We have a young daughter together. I have spent the last few months trying to persuade her but feel I've only pushed her further away - I've been calling and texting and realise now that I should probably just give her some time and space.

I honestly don't know what to do for the best. She has ended it before and then we got back together and quite a few times in the past she has blown hot and cold. I guess she will never change as a person but for some reason this time around it has hurt me more. She has said things like "who knows what the future will bring" and "everything will work out ok in the end". She has said that it's definitely over but at the same time I think she hasn't truly let go. I bet if I know try and give her space and not contact her she will start texting and wondering why I haven't been in touch.

I obviously want to ask her know and again how our daughter is but how often is reasonably? A text every other day just simply saying "How is xxx?"

Thanks

rumred Sat 21-Nov-15 22:04:17

Speak to her and calmly discuss arrangements? Then stick to them. Maybe consider couple counselling? And look at yourself, work out if you should have done things differently. Good luck

icklacknok Sun 22-Nov-15 08:34:54

I've mentioned couple counselling and she's completely against the thought.

If I want to text now and again to ask how my daughter is what is reasonably - every couple of days?

ALaughAMinute Sun 22-Nov-15 08:52:49

If your partner doesn't want to be with you there's not much you can do. You will just have to accept that it's over and do your best to move forward.

How often do you see your DD? You need to put some formal arrangements in place to make sure you see her on a regular basis.

LuluJakey1 Sun 22-Nov-15 08:58:06

Make an arrangement. You see her DD every Tuesday and Thursday and alternate weekends for instance. You text on Fridays. Stick to it. Don't discuss anything other than DD.

This woman does not sound like she wants anything good with you. She does not sound very nice at all actually. She is stringing you.

Sort out arrangements for your daughter and leave your ex to get on with it. Look after yourself rather than thinkng about her.

icklacknok Sun 22-Nov-15 09:17:09

Hi. Thanks for the replies. DD lives about an hours drive away so it is quite difficult seeing her during the week due to work committments - at the moment I have her alternate weekends but try my hardest to see her in between - ie take a longer lunch break and pick her up from nursery and have spend a couple of hours with her.

I have DD this weekend and ex has just texted to ask if we have snow and what DD thinks of it - do I ignore or reply??

Feel like I'm treading on eggshells most of the time.

LuluJakey1 Sun 22-Nov-15 09:51:11

Just text 'Loves it. Will drop her off at 4 as agreed'

ALaughAMinute Sun 22-Nov-15 10:46:00

Reply to her email and but keep it as brief and as pleasant as you possibly can. It is important to keep the relationship with your ex as amicable as possible for the sake of your DD.

icklacknok Sun 22-Nov-15 18:38:44

Deep down I doubt whether my ex is good for me but I love her very much and would love it to work out between us. I struggle a bit with depression and I think she finds that difficult to deal with.

Goingtobeawesome Sun 22-Nov-15 18:42:36

It sounds like she's keeping you hanging incase no one better to bully comes along.

Being depressed doesn't mean she gets a free pass to be mean. You were/are ill and aren't making her life hard on purpose.

icklacknok Sun 22-Nov-15 19:17:27

I think she is just very insecure - I don't necessarily feel bullied but I do feel that she is in control, probably because she is the primary carer for DD. My low mood is currently making me feel very isolated and lonely and I guess I've been wanted her back to remove those feelings. I don't know. I just feel like a right old mess at the moment :-(

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 22-Nov-15 19:27:25

Focus on your relationship with your DD, you have control over how that grows, you don't have control over your DW's feelings so leave those aside for now.

DD lives about an hours drive away so it is quite difficult seeing her during the week due to work commitments

If you value your time with your DD then you have to change something to spend more time with her.

icklacknok Sun 22-Nov-15 20:21:12

Yes I will definitely change things if it means seeing my DD more regularly - it's just getting something in place and the ex agreeing to it and not making things difficult.

Cabrinha Sun 22-Nov-15 21:20:15

I don't think you need to be texting to ask how she is.
Your ex should be telling you if she's not OK, other that you should assume she is.

It's great if you can have a relationship where you do send spontaneous updates about unusual things - like the snow! But there's no actual need to be asking how she is and I think it's better not to live in each other's pockets.

How have you ended up an hour's drive away? Sort that, if you possibly can.

Agree child contact and as your ex is clearly flaky, don't take any deviation from it lightly.

icklacknok Mon 23-Nov-15 10:24:12

Thanks. I think I'm just finding it really difficult at the moment to accept the situation and let her get on with her life. It's come as such a shock.

I'll hopefully be moving soon so will be only 15/20 minutes drive away.

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