Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Ex has just told me he'll be moving next door

(17 Posts)
ConfusedLlama Sat 21-Nov-15 19:20:36

Been separated for a year and half in that time have got back together but found out he'd been seeing ow on the side. I ended it once and for all and moved on with my life.

I've been doing really well, making postie changes in my life. Haven't given in to his constant barrage of texts or him trying get an argument out of me. Have been very short and matter of fact in my replies about our DD. Trying to keep contact with him from my point of view at a minimum. I feel I have been fair with his contact with DD, two days a week on his days off, 8ve never denied him access.

He lies constantly not only to me but to our DD about silly things like doing things together that I'm the one denying it. All I've said is too save DD confusion we should do things like outings separately so that she knows that there is a clear separation between us.

Anyway, he has just informed me he will be looking at two of the flats that overlook our house. On one hand I'm glad he's looking at sensible places where he can have DD but I can't help feeling almost invaded. He'll be constantly keeping an eye on me. I won't be able to have any privacy.

Other than having a bit 9lof a rant. I was wondering what I should do in this situation I appear to have found myself in?

Pooseyfrumpture Sat 21-Nov-15 19:25:42

Move?
Is he likely to actually do it, or is he just trying to wind you up?

reni2 Sat 21-Nov-15 19:29:14

Tell him breezily: Oh good, I'll be able to keep an eye on you and watch him move to the other side of town. He forgets this works both ways.

ConfusedLlama Sat 21-Nov-15 19:31:56

I don't want to move as this my DDs childhood home. It's convenient for her school and my work.

I've taken it with a pinch of salt as his history of lying is about as big as it gets but I can't help thinking what if he does? I'm not even sure how he'd afford it to be honest. He's in so much debt as it is.

My housemate seems to think its a power move. He's realised his messed up and is trying to control a situation he has no control of.

It's really thrown me today. I was doing so well in looking after myself and trying to sort my life out for the better and then this.

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 21-Nov-15 19:31:47

He's doing it to remind you that you're under his control (or at least, that's where he thinks you should be).

Is he likely to actually go through with it, though?

I recommend that you don't react, don't bring it up, don't say anything when he tries to bait you again, and see if he actually does it.

If he does, do consider moving.

But the first tactic with a controlling person is to show no reaction at all -- only complete boredom or silence -- when they say things to try to get a rise out of you.

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 21-Nov-15 19:33:07

Oh yeah, and don't let it get it to you: that's what he's saying it for, to unbalance you. Don't let him.

Naoko Sat 21-Nov-15 19:35:32

Let him. Then mobilise every male friend you have to come round at 11.30pm on subsequent days, stay half an hour and leave again. Watch him blow a gasket.

RomComPhooey Sat 21-Nov-15 19:36:35

I've taken it with a pinch of salt as his history of lying is about as big as it gets but I can't help thinking what if he does?

Cross that bridge if and when it happens. Don't waste any emotional energy on it for now - it's what he wants.

ConfusedLlama Sat 21-Nov-15 19:42:50

naoko that did make me giggle.

The thing is my dad is moving in with me at some point in the future. My love life will be literally zero unless I can find some nut case willing to put up with all of this!

My housemate is male. He is my best friend our relationship is purely platonic. Which ex knows but that didn't stop him insinuating that something was happening. I actually laughed at this, I couldn't help it. I told housemate he also found it hilarious.

Since I ushered ex out the door I haven't looked back. He will not get a rise from me no matter how hard he tries. Including the time he sent me a picture of him and DD saying wish your were here hmm. Thanks for all the hand holding I appreciate it.

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 21-Nov-15 19:48:25

Why is your Dad moving in?

ConfusedLlama Sat 21-Nov-15 19:52:30

My parents are moving up north but my dad still has his job here (south) so for five days a week he'll be living with me. I'm fine with it as I get on well with my dad and I think it would be nice for DD to be able to see more of him.

I feel sorry for the bloke who makes it. Here's my house...Over there is my ex staring out the windows....oh and my dad lives in the room next to me...wait where are you going?

binders1 Sat 21-Nov-15 21:34:14

My friend's DH left her and their DC's completely out of the blue, told her he didnt love her anymore, there wasn't anyone else and within à few weeks told her he had rented a house 3 doors down to be close to the kids! Hé moved in on the Friday and on thé Wednesday OW (who he said there wasnt one) turned up and is now there most nights. Doesn't even want to see the kids as he is busy with OW. Friend doesn't wasn't to move for the same reasons as yourself but admits she is going to have to move. Hopefully your ex doesn't go through with it. You are not in thé same situation so if you don't want to move and think you can cope with the invasion of privacy thén just stay exactly where you want to be and live your life. As reni said upthread works both ways!

getmeoutofthismadhouse Sat 21-Nov-15 22:40:39

My ex moved over the road after we split and it was a headache. Him watching every move I did. he would text me if the kids were in the street , bang my door out the blue , I had to ban him from walking past the house (lived in a cul de sac and the gulleyway next to our house ) told him it wasn't fair on the kids to keep seeing him walk past .I had a female friend round one night , the next day the text accusations started. I was constantly living on edge. I wouldn't recommend that life . Maybe tell him you are moving anyway, you've had a great opportunity for a place elsewhere . Put him off. He is only doing it for control .

ConfusedLlama Sun 22-Nov-15 06:21:24

I suppose having my dad there will be good in a way as he'll be able to back me up on any untoward behaviour from the arse.

He actually used to live round the corner, when we first split which was fine as it wasn't on my door step and was convenient for DD. Then all of a sudden he moved over a hour away which happened to be 5 min from ow work and 15mins from where she lived at the time. Strange that. This was when we were trying to make things work and I found out he was still seeing her from a friend who saw them together. He still denied it. That was my turning point, it was a glass shattering moment where the image I'd built in my head broke and I saw him for all he was worth. Not a lot.

I think I'd be able to cope I have people irl who are very supportive. It's thrown me a bit.

Baconyum Sun 22-Nov-15 06:27:50

How is contact with dc working? I'd be tempted to say 'great you can have the kids more, they can pop over whenever they (or I) like. And I'll know your every move too.' Plus have friends over as much as possible, preferably male, and parties lots of parties. Knob!

ConfusedLlama Sun 22-Nov-15 07:00:23

Contact with DD is going quite well he sees her two days a week on his days off. Unfortunately he does shift work so they are never set days, they move around week to week. DD gets upset most of the time when she comes back from his but she's 5 and still adjusting to the situation.

my male friends come over anyway for game night, he'll probably assume I'm having an orgy or something. grin

goddessofsmallthings Sun 22-Nov-15 07:21:19

I'm not even sure how he'd afford it to be honest. He's in so much debt as it is.

He's trying to push your buttons. Tell him it will be wonderful to be able to drop dd off with him anytime you feel like a night out with your pals, and also mention that there's a few evening classes/book clubs you've been longing to sign up for.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now