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Feel like DP wishes I was his ex

(14 Posts)
showsomeclass Sat 21-Nov-15 19:10:48

Been with my DP for almost two years and he told me from a very early stage be had just broken up with is ex of 5 years. This was their second relationship of the same length and they have both had another long term relationship in between but ended up together again

She has now remarried, but they remain 'best friends'. She lives locally to him, works locally and they communicate frequently but he has always reassured me that they are just good friends which I accept - but they do have a special 'connection' that is clear to everyone we know - they just didn't work out romantically and wanted different things

There have been a few occasion where I have felt like the second choice, not that he intentionally makes me feel this way. Today though, something really silly has upset me. When we first em, he went away with work and when he came back, he wanted to see me and said he had a present for me. He said he bought me some perfume because he really liked it and the next time we went out together, he wants me to wear it. When I did, he said it drive him crazy etc. Well today, we went to the pub and his ex was there and she had left her toiletry bag in the toilet. I didn't know it was hers or what was inside but in order to try and identify this, I looked inside and there was a small sampler type bottle of perfume - the same one (not a common one). I told her what I had found and she confirmed it was hers. Now I feel shit and that he only bought it for her to remind him of her. Or that she still wears it because she knows he likes it

Am I being stupid?

bjrce Sat 21-Nov-15 19:16:05

Lose him, you are always going to feel second best!

This is just another example of you feeling insecure in the relationship. He still holds a candle for her. I wouldn't be with any man whose " best friend" was his ex.
In addition she probably enjoys the fact in her mind he'd prefer to be with her.

Look at another thread from a few weeks ago from a poster call Binder.

He is never going to make you feel like you are the one.

Joysmum Sat 21-Nov-15 19:20:00

I would tell him you are upset that he bought you the our fume his ex wears, his response should be telling.

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 21-Nov-15 19:22:24

Yes, you should be his ex: by dumping him.

You are totally right to be upset, and it's not a small thing at all: the perfume "drives him crazy" because it reminds him of her, and that's why he bought it for you.

Those two are going to keep on playing their on-again, off-again game, and if you stick around you're just going to be a casualty. Their number 1 relationship is with each other. You are not your boyfriend's priority. His infatuation with this woman will always come first.

Don't be a chump: leave them to it.

bjrce Sat 21-Nov-15 19:28:27

It will be interesting to see if he will be as good friends with you, as he is with his ex, once you split up?

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 21-Nov-15 19:34:30

...it will be interesting to see how quickly they end up sleeping together again, once OP dumps him.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 21-Nov-15 19:50:59

Can I just say I like a certain aftershave and it's due to the smell of it not the person wearing it!

I might get flamed for this but I would not think twice about buying it as a gift for partners present and past but then I really don't know if your Dh is buying it to remind him of her. That seems a bit far fetched and truly freaky that he would want to smell her on you.

Who broke the relationship up and what was the reason?

There is a big debate on here as to whether male:female friendships are only ever platonic or if there is truly always more to it.

Personally I think there's always a little attraction lurking in these type of relationships.

showsomeclass Sat 21-Nov-15 20:22:45

Well it was 2 years ago.. I'd known him about a month when he bought it

They split up because she wanted marriage and children and he didn't! (He'd already been married before and had a child)

TokenGinger Sat 21-Nov-15 22:39:20

Is it not possible that she might have been with him when he bought it? She liked it and went back to buy it herself?

I love the smell of my brother's aftershave. I'm considering buying it for DP. Not because I want him to be my brother, but because it smells very nice.

Atenco Sat 21-Nov-15 22:46:21

I would be best friends with my ex if we lived in the same town, without it meaning anything other than friendship. We split up for a reason

Coco7841 Sat 21-Nov-15 22:54:21

Bit extreme. I aren't one to go round sniffing aftershaves in shops. I knew I liked one in particular as my ex wore it, I buy my husband it!!

I don't think of the ex at all when I smell it, the smell just appeals to me!!

TaintForTheLikesOfWe Sun 22-Nov-15 10:01:16

I had a boyfriend that wanted to call me Cassandra because his beloved exDP was called Cassandra. I. Said. No.

HTH

newname99 Sun 22-Nov-15 10:10:01

I think the perfume is just a symptom for you and agree that you will feel 2nd best.You have a choice here, decide to be in a relationship where you are nos1.

If you don't feel 1st choice then your feelings are valid.

maras2 Sun 22-Nov-15 12:33:08

May I suggest that you read the thread by binders1? It involves a 14 year relationship and a (so called) ex.

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