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OMFG mark2 (Supermario update)(15 Posts)
Ok so this follows on from my recent rant here on the subject of my Thundercunt stbxh. Who from hereon in I refer to as Supermario due to midlife crisis image 'revamp'.
New proper arrangements starting this Friday (yesterday) with dd1 (12yo) walking straight from school to his house. She had a party to go that evening.
On advice of my therapist, decided to get dd1 to sort out arrangements with her dad to avoid getting into discussions with him. She wanted her friend to come home with her to get ready for her party. I told her to ask Supermario about this and about arrangements. He moved house this same week
into swanky 500K house with trophy bonkers girlfriend
So dd1 texts him, Tues, asking. Bear in mind he never contacts the dc so hasn't spoken to his dd1 for over 2 weeks. He texts back sarcastically: 'I'm fine, thanks for asking'. WTF? dd1 (lovely sensitive girl trying to get her head around why she only gets crumbs of a relationship with him) reacts tearily, welling up. I invite her over to the sofa for a cuddle and tell him he should not have said it. Wanker.
He then phones and says no the friend can't come over straight after school. Which is fair enough as he has just moved
into swanky 500K house with trophy bonkers girlfriend and I can hear they are arranging plans for Fri.
Wed comes around. dd1 says as far as she remembers he is coming tomorrow eve to collect belongings for weekend. I ask her does she know the address of new house/where she is walking to after school? dd1 says she knows 'roughly' which house it is (her dad has shown her). I also know the road but not the house. I ask her to text him. She is stressed and worried about arrangements. She texts him. No response.
Thursday evening comes round. Nothing from him. I call him and text him - goes to voicemail.
Friday morning. call him again. Still nothing. Still no confirmation of new address and arrangements for clothes and after school. So I tell dd1 she now has to walk home because I am not having her walking around town with no phone while I'm at work, looking for a house she thinks she knows, which stbxh may or may not be in. While it gets dark.
She goes mental. Storms off to school, kicking gravel up the drive, shouting (dd1 is actually a quiet, placid, sensitive girl). I finally give way to Wankbadger-ex-Tourettes and tell her it's Your Dad's Fault!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feel shit. Supermario now AWOL for 48rs
hopes are rising at this point that he has gone under a bus
1pm Friday (yesterday) Supermario comes out of the wood work, texting his address for dd1 to walk home to. I reply telling him that because he has gone AWOL/failed to clarify address by this morning she is now walking back to mine. And that the way he has communicated with dd1 has caused her quite a bit of stress/upset/anger since Tues. And that an apology to dd1 would go a long way. Which was a million times more polite than it should have been. But I am trying not to inflame the situation.
He said his phone 'went dead' ........ and that he would say sorry. And then............... proceeded to complain SOUNDING HURT that dd1 'hardly ever calls meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
so I reminded him. For the 1,00000000000 time (at this point the convo is becoming very reminiscent of being married to him) that HE IS THE PARENT AND SHE IS THE CHILD. FFS.
I have remained calm. I bloody regret not telling him to just fucking GROW UP!
And then he texted me again Fri eve to day dd2 is 'too tired' for (ie can't be arsed to take her to) her sports club (the club I have finally found successful after years of trying because she has ASD and struggles with social interaction).
And this, is how week 1 went. Strangely I still don't feel like I'm getting anything out of this?????????
Someone please shoot me.
Stop telling your ex what to do - its not your place to tell him to say sorry to DD.
Stay out if the arrangements, stop telling DD to text him etc and don't telephone or text yourself
DD knows address now so can go to his and stick to arrangements already made.
If DD can't go for whatever reason, then tell DD you will have nice time with her - so not contact him
Stop contact with any twats in your life
Ignore him not taking her to clubs ignore him, ignore twats and have a good time when DD goes
Have a good time when DD comes back
Ignore ex and his texts, don't respond what's the point
I'm not short of places to go when they are away - was out in London last night! Which is why a proper plan was needed. Am not forgoing a well-earned night out with old friends because my ex is a manchild! You make it sound very simple, ivy to me it doesn't feel that simple!?
honestly? you are far too involved with him; and interfering with his relationship with your children.
Detach. Do not text him, tell him anything (how he should behave) . Offer love support comfort and practical support to your children, but DO NOT engage with your ex husband.
Even inventing names for him shows that you are far too involved.
You will not heal or move forward while you give him this much headspace
Your therapist advised you to let DD1 make direct arrangements so you didn't have to converse with him, but you seem to have been micro-involved in all of this which is precisely the opposite of the advice you were given. Presumably advice that would help you move on.
As a PP said you are way too involved in this and won't be able to detach; time to step back for your own sake, surely?
Also why would she be wandering around town with no phone when your said she has a phone bought for her by her dad?
i don't think you are listening ...
ask yourself why you are over involved? really ? do you still love him?
you do SO need to detach ..
She's involved because it got to a point where her child's safety was potentially at risk!
Anybody with a brain cell knows kids aren't allowed phones at school, therefore she wouldn't have it after school
In addition to that, she was told not to converse with him which is why she told DD to message him!!! You can't flame her for trying not to contact him as she was told by telling her DD to do it instead!!
OP, you're getting an unfair flaming here. This seems to be the way for MN. You get one poster, usually the first, who sets the tone for the whole thread and other posters come along and go with the grain.
Agree with tokenginger. I don't think you've done anything wrong here. Wish I had some advice for you but your ex sounds impossible to deal with and his behaviour is shocking.
He's a tit. It seems a shame for your dd. Also MN seems to have become really nasty lately. I'd challenge anyone to 'detach' from setting up new care arrangements for a 12yo.
Hey ho, teething problems. Hopefully dd can just go to his after school from now on. And trying to stay out of it probably will help your blood pressure!
Your poor dd!
No phones at school ? Primary yes, but a 12 yr old would be at secondary, where children up to the age of 18 attend. Whilst having phones turned on and active is disallowed, having your phone turned off, in your bag or locker is the norm.
Majority of schools operate this policy as completely impossible to police 800+ students ,99% of whom have a phone, not to bring to school.
Prior to the 'off in school hours' policy, (before they were owned by virtually every child) the phone could be handed in to the school office for the child to collect after lessons, in the interest of their safety. There is no school that would object to this OP.
If your daughters school is one of the few that disallow phones 'turned off' in a bag, then write a note and get her to hand it in to the office. Then you can leave her to make her own arrangements with her father and reduce your blood pressure considerably. ----
Every contact you make with him will be (to him) further evidence of being the ex from hell and something for him to enjoy
and snigger about with trophy shaggers girlfriend. Don't give him the chance.
Of course phones are allowed at some secondary schools, not all schools have same rules.
There wasn't a safety issue as all op had to say to DD was..the arrangement is you walk home until we get you father's address and when we get his address you can walk to the house
No great shakes or safety issues
No need for all these texts going to and fro
"Anyone with a brain cell" Tokenginger?! How rude. I find it highly unlikely that she wouldn't have had it switched off in her bag or locker in line with school rules; how many teenage girls do you know who'd go all weekend without a phone?
I don't see any flaming here at all. I see a very over-invested mother who having been told to back off by her therapist really ought to do so, for HER sake.
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