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Emotional / mental abuse partners ex?

(14 Posts)
Archieoscarcharlie15 Sat 21-Nov-15 10:38:33


Sorry if I'm posting in the wrong category I'm new here.

My partner has a 5 year old who he has contact with once a month as he lives over 300 miles away- they have a good relationship and she adores her father.

The relationship we have with her mother is very difficult and she constantly puts barriers in the way to stop us having more contact with my partners daughter.

More recently since my partners little girl has started school she has become more vocal about things mummy does or says.

She broke down in tears one visit saying mummy said I need to chose who I want to live with? I can live with daddy or stay with mummy and our dog. We were pretty shocked she would even put this idea in a 5 year olds head and when questioned she ignored my partner but has never denied it.

Yesterday we collected partners daughter from school and noticed she has her ears pierced, she has previously pierced her ears twice and daughter has taken them out as said they hurt- I asked her about them being pierced again and she said mummy did it herself with a needle and ice cube! I was horrified!

She then told us that when we drop her home - mummy makes her take off the clothes daddy has dressed her in and throws them in the bin!!! We always buy her lovely girly clothes and not cheap things either, little one always says can I wear a dress mummy won't let me? And that she wants to grow her hair long but mummy always chops it off so short she looks like a little boy!

I might be over reacting but I'm worried about the emotional / mental affects this could be having on my partners little one, she clearly knows what mummy is doing is wrong or she wouldn't be telling us about it.

Does anyone have any advice or similar experiences?

Many thanks x

slightlyinsane Sat 21-Nov-15 11:36:38

I'd report your thread and ask for it to be moved to the relationship forum, you might get more help there xxx I'm sorry you are going through this and unfortunately I don't know what to suggest xxx

Archieoscarcharlie15 Sat 21-Nov-15 11:55:57

Thank you x

abbsismyhero Sat 21-Nov-15 12:04:45

i would suggest you be more than careful in taking a five year olds word for everything how do you know the bin isn't the washing bin?

at age five my friends son had a social services nightmare visit her son informed the school her stepdad kicked the cat smashed it into the wall and killed it after a two hour grilling the "dead" cat walked in the room unfortunately it was just one of the things she had to prove her son was lying about sad

Archieoscarcharlie15 Sat 21-Nov-15 12:15:31

Yes I do take that into account however she is a very honest little girl and it's not in her nature to make things up she is too honest sometimes and her mothers spiteful behaviour and immaturity I have no reason to not believe this is something she would do, she has done far worse in the past. I'm just concerned at the impact it's having on the child or if I'm over reacting.

RandomMess Sat 21-Nov-15 12:16:03

There is little your dp can do when he lives so far away - realistically it's only every going to be monthly contact isn't it.

How long have you been with dp?

If him buying her a new outfit ever visit is a source of stress for his DD I suggest he stops it.

Archieoscarcharlie15 Sat 21-Nov-15 15:05:31

He would like more contact but mother refuses and we are constantly in court. We have been together 3 years and expecting first child. It's not a case of buying her a new outfit every time he visits he collects her from school and dresses her for the weekend so is not going to return her in schools inform on a Sunday. He is a very loving father and travels 300 miles every month to collect daughter and bring her back to our home or spends the weekend in her hometown. Th distance isn't ideal but we make the best of the situation we can. I'm just concerned for his daughters emotional state as she clearly understands her mothers behaviour is wrong yet mother demands more money than CSA payments because she doesn't think £150 a month is enough but if your throwing away perfectly good clothes out of spite why would you expect anymore.

Offred Sat 21-Nov-15 17:24:52

What is your partner doing about all this?

Archieoscarcharlie15 Sat 21-Nov-15 17:28:45

He has tried speaking to the mother but she refuses to talk by text email or face to face! We have another court date soon for trying to agree more access but during mediation she denies everything he questions. That's why I am on here wondering if we are over reacting or if this is some form of abuse?

LineyReborn Sat 21-Nov-15 17:29:19

Why is the money relevant?

LineyReborn Sat 21-Nov-15 17:32:31

Honestly you need to think of it all through a five year old's eyes. She travels a 600 mile journey every month? And you want to increase that?

You buy her different clothes to wear at your house.

You talk to her about her mum.

You're pregnant and her dad will gave a new baby soon.

Her mum's probably worried about court.

It's scary stuff for her.

Offred Sat 21-Nov-15 17:34:45

Quite frankly I think you need to step right back. This is not your child and your involvement could be inflaming things.

Why in the hell your partner thought that leaving his DC with an apparently EA mother hundreds of miles away and having another baby with someone else there was a good plan I don't know.

The money thing is irrelevant, A. A child costs much more than the CSA minimum so if a couple agree on paying higher fair enough, B. If he struggles to pay this amount why is he having another DC.

summerwinterton Sat 21-Nov-15 17:36:05

If the mother is so awful why does he leave his daughter with her at all? And £150 a month pays for bugger all quite frankly.

Offred Sat 21-Nov-15 17:37:55

And why are 'we' in court? It is his child, he should be the one in court...

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