I was on Tinder for a coupl of weeks last Christmas and ended up swapping a few numbers. I ended up meeting one of them, and we ended up dating from about January to July. He travelled a lot with his job, but after about three months he started to mess with my head. Silent treatment, ignoring me for 1 week then coming back full force. Each time I tried to walk away he woul tell me he was in love with me and struggling with the feelings. In the end he just ghosted me one day, blocked me on everything and I never heard from him again. Whole situation was quite disheartening and made me feel quite low because he always made me feel like it was my fault he'd been a dick. I can't explain how but he was very convincing.
All the way through this, was another guy I'd swapped numbers with on Tinder. He was nothing like the other guy. Less good looking, less interesting, less "full on" but we messaged quite a lot as friends over time and slowly became something a bit like friends. We linked on facebook and we talked sometimes on the phone or facetime. He was just a consistently nice guy. He told me about his failed dates, he seemed quite down on himself and humble, and I told him about my woes. He told me in May or June tht he'd had enough of dating, having his heart broken, and he was just going to do hookups or casual relationships with no emotions. I told him I thought he was being silly but he was pretty fixed that this was what he wanted.
Fast forward a bit, and I split with the first guy, was very upset and ended up agreeing to finally meet and go for a drink with the second guy. At this point I was the second guy as a harmless softie that wasn't my type at all. When we met through, we got drunk and ended up in bed. It was actually pretty good and I had a really good night but I'd expected a one night stand for various reasons.
He suprised me, by leaving and basically letting me know he really, really liked me. That he'd felt something, couldn't stop thinking about me and he asked me if we could see each other again. I wasn't quite sure, but then we got on so well and the sex was 10/10 so I agreed.
All through this he was acting like he was mad about me. Constant texts and calling and wanted to see me every couple of days despite us living hours apart and working full time. I was a bit worried he was going to fall in love with me, and while I liked him I didnt think I liked him enough for a full relationship. I was actually a little embarrassed and said "no" when he asked me to meet his friends and I made it quite difficult for him to see me.
Then over another few nights together I thought to myself that I was being an idiot. That here was a great guy who'd been good friends with me for a long time, who I really fancied and who I knew was a nice guy that I loved being with and decided to make a go of it.
From then on things changed. I made myself more available, more affectionate and reciprocated more and lo and behold he started to go the other way. Less call, less effort, less available to see me :(
My alarm bells went off, so I ended it. Didn't explain, just told him it wasn't working. A few days passed and he came back to me saying he was just so upset and why was I giving up on such a good thing. Queue the romantic reunion and then as soon as we were back together he started doing it again but worse.
It was hard because at time he'd be so nice and act so crazy about me, then he'd be cold and weird and I felt like I didn't know what was up and what was down. I was angry and upset but felt desperate to do or say the right thing to get things back to where they were. We had a couple of blow outs and I expressed that I felt used, messed around and like he was hot and cold and he said he liked me a lot but didn't want to fall in love because he'd made the decision not to have a serious relationship.
I didn't know what to think or believe but it was grinding me down so I ended it properly and we've not talked for a couple of weeks. He has sent the odd text message. Quiet ones to let me know he was thinking about me but then if I have texted him, he doesn't reply.
Almost like he doesn't even talk to me unless it's on his terms and he only likes or wants me when I don't want him.
I realise as I type this I have to moe on and forget this guy, but for whatever reason It's really affected me badly and I am struggling with being played or messed around or conviced to care for someone who was not going to just be normal. Especially as he knew I'd just had someone else be such a dick to me and he'd promised to be diferrent.
I don't know what to do to feel better?
Also don't know how to get the courage to start ignoring him instead of replying, as I feel if I do there's no doubt we will end up back together and right back where I was.
I think I might even be depressed. I don't want to get out of bed or work or see anyone and feel so tired.
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Not sure why this has affected me so much
15 replies
fullenglish · 21/11/2015 09:35
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