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15 months later after we nearly separated.... im struggling to open up emotionally to my dh

(7 Posts)
biglips Sat 21-Nov-15 05:51:25

We've been together for 15 yrs and married for 2 yrs. In the first year, we were arguing alot, mainly dh bringing work probs home moaning about his arsehole business partner, and me being very frustrated about it. And we are financially struggling. He nearly ended the marriage and it really broke my heart. we've never split up before or even talked about splitting up, cos we love each other so much. we both got 3 kids together age between 3 - 11.

He decided to give it another go as long he stopped bringing work probs home which he did for a couple of months and then he started it again till I said "stop!!" As we were starting to argue alittle bit.... Now its stopped. I said to him "have u noticed that in the past month, we've not been arguing since you've stopped going on about him?".. He agreed.

I told him when he is bringing his work probs home, he taking it out on us lot and I didn't find that attractive at all. I keep him at arm length at all times.

The prob is that I'm struggling to open up in and out of bed to him cos I don't want to get hurt, which I prob will cos I'm not helping the situation.

I miss being close to him and if I want to cuddle him, he presume that I want to have sex with him and it makes me want to run a mile.

I don't want to lose him but how do I move a step further??? sad

Joysmum Sat 21-Nov-15 07:10:16

I can understand that. I can also understand your marriage must be suffering from his point of view because he doesn't feel able to share his worries with you.

The answer should not have been to ban work talk, but to find a better way for him share his frustrations with you and you be effective in helping him emotionally.

Not feeling the pain of having a broken leg because you aren't walking on it doesn't indicate the leg isn't broken. I think you'd both benefit from me re honesty with each other and should get help to do it if you can't do that yourselves.

If you can be honest about your hopes, fears and troubles with your partner, the relationship isn't what it should be.

biglips Sat 21-Nov-15 08:40:30

You're right as I do need to talk to him as it's in my head but cant get it out of my mouth as im still feeling abit raw. the business partner situation been going on for 8 yrs now. I don't mind if he talks about it lightly but not being angry and banging on about it for days.

Joysmum Sat 21-Nov-15 08:43:03

I really feel for you both. Sounds like your at a crossroads, both of you. The best way forwards is to try to work on your trust in one another, by that I mean trusting each other with your emotions. An easy thing for me to type and not so easy to do. sad

biglips Sat 21-Nov-15 11:21:22

I know .. Its was easy to type out on here but not to do... True.
Need to talk to him.
His business loan will be finished next August so he is seriously thinking of splitting the business (as both names is in the business loan) as he cannot put up with him any longer as he been taking the piss basically...angry

MatrixReloaded Sun 22-Nov-15 04:26:48

I'm not surprised your struggling. Threatening to end the marriage is a big thing and has probably damaged your trust in him. I would be happy to discuss realistic solutions to the business problems, but I definitely wouldn't be available to listen to someone vent their frustrations daily. He needs a better coping strategy and a solution to the problem. Daily venting achieves nothing. I wouldn't listen to it.

Does he listen to your frustrations ?

biglips Mon 23-Nov-15 16:11:40

Yes he does listen to my frustrations about our kids and money but we were arguing mainly about his business partner.
I haven't spoke to him yet as I'm just getting over a bad cold and today he's ill! Arghh!

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