Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Assult and common battery

(21 Posts)
WhoGivesAFlying Fri 20-Nov-15 22:58:28

My H is on probation due to this. If I were to leave (it's been 8 months since it occurred), it's happened again but I didn't report it) how could I ensure our ds is safe when with him?

startrek90 Fri 20-Nov-15 23:09:11

You can ask for supervised contact. Given his history of domestic violence you would be granted that. You really need to leave. He is dangerous

goddessofsmallthings Fri 20-Nov-15 23:13:55

How old is your ds and was he present on any of the occasions when you were assaulted?

May I ask why you didn't report his subsequent assault and have you considered letting his probation officer know what took place?

WhoGivesAFlying Fri 20-Nov-15 23:22:07

My ds is nearly 3, he saw what happens so ss were involved (I called the police). I didn't report the next one due to the stress of the ss

WhoGivesAFlying Fri 20-Nov-15 23:23:03

Would I get supervised contact after this long?

WhoGivesAFlying Fri 20-Nov-15 23:26:20

Also, I'm about to have counselling, but I don't feel I can open up due to what's happened and the ss involvement. I won't jeopardise my ds .

Lweji Fri 20-Nov-15 23:26:32

What's the situation now?
Do you want to leave? Do you want him to leave?
I suspect you can still report the second event. He's on probation, he did it again, why have you stayed?

summerwinterton Fri 20-Nov-15 23:34:11

you need to be honest to protect yourself and dc.

WhoGivesAFlying Fri 20-Nov-15 23:38:17

we have a ds, he has two DC, I've seen him not be very nice to them. And I know due to guilt that they come first

Lweji Fri 20-Nov-15 23:41:02

Come first to who?

What do you mean by not very nice?

WhoGivesAFlying Fri 20-Nov-15 23:44:33

They come first to our ds

AdoraBell Fri 20-Nov-15 23:45:19

The stress of SS involvement will be worse if you don't report the second assault and leave him.

The assaults will get worse and if your DS tells teachers or nursery staff depending on age then SS will want to know why you haven't safeguarded your child.

You owe it to yourself as well as your DS to get away from this man, he is dangerous. Work with SS and push for supervised contact unless you can block contact.

WhoGivesAFlying Fri 20-Nov-15 23:47:58

I don't want to block contact, I just want to know my ds will be safe

WhoGivesAFlying Fri 20-Nov-15 23:51:02

Ugh, life's shit

WhoGivesAFlying Fri 20-Nov-15 23:52:10

He has two kids? Who my ds loves. How will that work?

goddessofsmallthings Sat 21-Nov-15 00:38:29

It seems to me that you may be in danger of overthinking and this is preventing from taking the necessary - indeed, the essential - action to safeguard yourself and your ds from further harm..

I'm surprised that SS have countenanced your h living in the same property as you and your ds. What conclusions did SS reach in this matter and do you have any ongoing involvement with them?

If you get on with your sdc's mother there's no reason to suppose that your ds won't be able to see them but if for some reason he's unable to stay in contact with them, at 3yo he'll soon be finding friends his own age at nursery/reception.

Do you rent or are you buying on a mortgage, and whose name(s) is on the tenancy/mortgage agreement? Are you working and could you afford to pay the rent/mortgage alone?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 21-Nov-15 01:53:19

Your DS is 2. He will quickly get over it if he loses some people from his life.

Redglitter Sat 21-Nov-15 02:13:21

You've got far more chance of getting supervised visits if you report his latest assault. If it looks like it was a one off and he's complied with his probation he may have more chance of getting unsupervised.

Report this last assault. If you want to ensure your son is safe it makes no sense not to

NerrSnerr Sat 21-Nov-15 05:41:51

You need to be honest and report everything. It will help ensure your son stays safe which has to be your priority.

Suddenlyseymour Sat 21-Nov-15 10:31:01

So you've seen him be "not very nice" to his other DC, he's on probation for assaulting you, and has since done it again in front of your DS. You are asking if your DS would be "safe" with him. Strikes me you have the tools to hand to ENSURE your DS's safety (i.e. Report the assault, not reporting it does NOTHING to protect your DS and EVERYTHING to protect your aggressor) and yet you are unwilling to do it? SS are not wanting to remove children from their mothers unless their mothers are demonstrating that they are not safeguarding their DC from a dangerous man.

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 21-Nov-15 10:46:44

Report everything. And leave him.

Both of those actions will demonstrate to SS that you are taking all the proper action to safeguard your child, and they will therefore do their bit to help you and DS.

Fail to report and fail to leave, and you become part of the problem I'm afraid.

Your DS comes first, and it is in his interest for you to report all assaults, and to leave the aggressor, in order to provide a safe environment for your child.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now