Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Talk sense into me re OLD man and oddness

(42 Posts)
Clacketyclack34 Fri 20-Nov-15 18:14:54

Essentially:

Met bloke on PoF (lets call him Pillock)
Clicked
Met
Had a further 5 dates over the course of 5 weeks
All going well
REALLY liked him, similar personalities/humour etc
Came round last night to say he "couldn't do this" and would only give "timing" as the reason why
I was pissed off to put it mildly as mere hours before had been complimentary about me, said he really liked me blah blah
Told him to get out my house
Got a message this morning with a very, very long explanation saying that essentially he has a good friend who is going through a tough time and he had promised to support her (fair enough), and didn't feel he could do both (eg continue to see me with a view to having a relationship at some point, and support his friend) HOWEVER he said he said he spoke to his friend last night and she told him he was a complete idiot for breaking "it" off and he wanted to fix things as he had done the wrong thing
Said the truth is that he was sure I would meet him and want nothing to do with him and then he could get on with making wrong decisions as he has his whole life and will understand if I want nothing further to do with him.

AM SO ANNOYED! He was lovely/nice/friendly/chatty/SO funny/my age/totally fancied him (no sex yet) etc. And now this?! Ugh. Yes, how can you know someone at all after 5 weeks, nevertheless there was a connection and I could see a long term prospect.

My gut is telling me run for the hills - please can you tell me you agree?

For background, I am:
A lone parent to DS, who is a toddler
Left a very very EA relationships with ex H last year
Have spent a happy year living in a lovely drama free nice atmosphere with DS
Thought meeting this guy was the icing on the cake type thing. Enjoyed spending time with him and just being myself (which could never be when was with ex H.)
He was very very complimentary re my personality etc and SEEMED to genuinely like me and enjoy being around me.
Totally turns me off that he said nope not seeing you again then gets told he's an idiot and changes his mind - is he not an adult with his own mind??

So much drama after 5 weeks?!? I wish he'd just said he didn't fancy me or something! I have my son to consider in all this. If I said yes to meeting up with him again and at some point it gets serious, what if he pulls this shiz again, at which point (unspecified) my son is aware that this guy is in our lives?

So I am correct to write back a polite but definitive see you later message, yes? Friends are in the get shot and the give him a chance camp.

AnyFucker Fri 20-Nov-15 18:16:57

I would go back to your "happy drama-free life" with your son

HelenaDove Fri 20-Nov-15 18:17:29

The only part of you he is interested in fucking with is your mind.

Ditch!!!

pinkandstripey Fri 20-Nov-15 18:18:44

I'm supporting a friend = she's my wife.

AnyFucker Fri 20-Nov-15 18:20:09

Yep, he is married or in a LTR

akaWisey Fri 20-Nov-15 18:23:18

Step away from the pillock OP wink

Clacketyclack34 Fri 20-Nov-15 18:24:29

EXCELLENT

Thank you all. I shall compose a polite but end of reply. Any ideas what?

Dear Fuckface,

Please go fuck around with someone else's life and thank you for showing your true colours so early you wankbadger?" smile

Or

Thanks for the info. Won't work out. All the best.

Why is it the only guy I've been interested in turns out to be a total cockhead?

Oysterbabe Fri 20-Nov-15 18:25:10

Run, run away as fast as you can.

SilverBirchWithout Fri 20-Nov-15 18:25:34

Sounds like he was 'interested' in this newly free girlfriend, now she has told him she is not interested. Whatever the real reason he sounds like he is a bit emotionally hot/cold and I would not risk it after what you have been through in past.

ALaughAMinute Fri 20-Nov-15 18:25:49

Something doesn't sound right. Go with your gut and run for the hills!

akaWisey Fri 20-Nov-15 18:26:08

If I were going to send a reply it would be reply B. But why bother.

Clacketyclack34 Fri 20-Nov-15 18:26:28

Yes, it would be a giant risk and not one I can take with a child to consider. Or myself!

TF for Mumsnet, that's all I can say.

ThatsNiceDear Fri 20-Nov-15 18:29:50

I would tell him to eff off. He clearly wanted to pursue this woman, she's told him she's not interested, so he's come crawling back to you, as his second choice. You're good enough for now until she or someone better comes along. Lovely. What a cock.

RedMapleLeaf Fri 20-Nov-15 18:31:43

I was thinking silver's thoughts. Send reply B and move onwards and upwards.

Kr1stina Fri 20-Nov-15 18:32:15

What pink and stripey said

CwtchMeQuick Fri 20-Nov-15 18:41:01

I agree! Sounds like he was after this other woman and she's turned him down.
Send reply B. You can do better!

donajimena Fri 20-Nov-15 19:58:41

Reply B and feel fucking great about it. You sound amazing.

Clacketyclack34 Fri 20-Nov-15 20:16:17

Thank you donajimena

MiniTheMinx Fri 20-Nov-15 20:58:36

Sounds as though this friend is more than just a friend. He is hedging his bets. If he was dropping you for her yesterday he prefers her. Even if she backs away from him, you will forever know you were second choice.

Run run run

scratchandsniff Fri 20-Nov-15 21:03:37

Hmmm sounds like he's been blown out by someone else, and is hedging his bets. I'd walk away now before you get your heart broken. Enjoy going on a few more dates with other guys. A year of being single after what you've been through is not long. Enjoy being wined and dined with no emotional fuckery going on.

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 20-Nov-15 21:08:32

He thought his wife had found out. Turns out she hasn't.
OR
The 'better option' wasn't interested.

VelvetSpoon Fri 20-Nov-15 21:12:53

I'd have to agree with Silver. My first thought when I read it was that he thought he was 'in' with someone else, and she turned him down.

Thing is, even if everything is true, he sounds like a bit of a fuckwit.

I did OD for AGES. Loads of men did the whole emotional blackmail 'I'm such an idiot, I always get it wrong, please give me a chance' etc and 99/100 it was utter bullshit.

Agree with all those who say walk away.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Fri 20-Nov-15 21:25:36

I'd ditch him. Whether the story he gave is genuine or not no-one needs this sort of drama, and if he's done it once I'd never trust him not to do it again. He's shown he's either emotionally unintelligent (surely he can date you and support a friend!?) or he's full of shite, either one of which is an undesireable trait in a partner.
P.S. I like your first response wink

Clacketyclack34 Fri 20-Nov-15 21:27:40

Thanks everyone. I sent the text and got more blah blah blah back so got shot of him.

Sigh! But at least is now and not 15 weeks/5 months/5 years wink

cruikshank Fri 20-Nov-15 21:31:39

Wanker. You can do loads better than this. I would read it that he'd had his eye on this 'friend' for a while, decided to give it a shot with her, then when she turned him down oh-so-generously offered himself back to you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now