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Describing a affair as "just friends"

(49 Posts)
Confused2015xxx Thu 19-Nov-15 13:48:08

I read so much on here and a scenario that always gets my head baffled is when a guy says a affair is just friends
If a bloke is texting/talking to another woman sexually etc and makes it clear to her that he wants her etc then says to this other woman "it's a shame we can't be friends,nobody would get our friendship"
Hmmmm surely you don't think about your friends sexually.
So why do they justify it to themselves the woman is just a friend?
After he has had sex with her says the same " I'm so pleased we are friends"
Is this to make him fool himself that what he is doing isn't bad?
If he claims he is just being friendly he can't feel guilty.
How can sex be "friends"

MorrisZapp Thu 19-Nov-15 13:53:04

Of course they're not just friends, it's a blatant lie.

Having said that, I am friends with a bloke I once slept with and would again if I was single. I don't meet him in rl though, just the odd text now and then. Nothing dodgy.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 19-Nov-15 14:05:31

Denial? - Nope
He's a twat - Yes!

Confused2015xxx Thu 19-Nov-15 14:09:47

Unless the bloke is that deluded he thinks what they have is friendship.
Or kidding himself to save the guilt.

janaus Thu 19-Nov-15 14:16:22

Confused, so sorry to hear you have been through this too.
I just finished more ranting on my "how do they justify" post.
Yes, delusional.

binders1 Thu 19-Nov-15 15:02:03

Very easy - 6 words - YOU DON'T SLEEP WITH YOUR FRIENDS!

It's actually even more insulting for a DH/DP to risk/end their relationship or and marriage due to being found out for having sex with JUST a friend and it didn't mean anything. I'd have a bit more respect if he had fallen in love!!!

Because 'it doesn't mean anything', it apparently doesn't feel as bad in their heads!

If you sleep with your friend when both parties are single and you want to call yourselves 'just friends' that's fine but not when both or one of you is in a relationship.

Maroonie Thu 19-Nov-15 15:11:56

Also just because you aren't having a sexual relationship doesn't mean you are 'just friends'
Even if both parties are single,
A friend had a FWB thing, they stopped having sex but it didn't mean they were 'just friends' they were still much more than that.
In my opinion You are only 'just friends' if neither party wants to have sex with the other

Confused2015xxx Thu 19-Nov-15 15:14:45

I agree with if both are single they are just friends it's fine.
I think it becomes confusing when the man in the relationship is telling the other woman how much he wants her etc then calling it friendship.
Either he is confused,insane or in denial

Threefishys Thu 19-Nov-15 15:19:24

Maroonie has it bang on

Maroonie Thu 19-Nov-15 15:20:13

(Just wanted to add That I don't mean it's not okay if 2 single people want to have sex- I just think they are more than friends even if they aren't a couple)

binders1 Thu 19-Nov-15 15:21:01

I totally agree Maroonie but you will get people saying that they did sleep with someone but are just friends now and wouldn't sleep with them again.

Or as MorrisZapp said upthread, she would sleep with her friend again if she was single.

I think if you do have a 'friend' and you have a new relationship, it's best to be honest and tell them that there is a sexual history there if this 'friend' is still going to be in your life, whether you would still have sex with them or not.

Confused2015xxx Thu 19-Nov-15 15:23:37

I agree if there is sexual attraction there it crossed the friends line.
Also if there's a emotional connection and kissing and hugging and confiding.
Do you think it's possible men get confused and rather than deal with it they say "just friends"

Maroonie Thu 19-Nov-15 15:29:08

I do think you can go back to being just friends, but only if you don't want to have sex anymore- not just because you stopped actually doing it.
I totally agree about be honest with any new partners too,
Having a past is different to keeping secrets

Maroonie Thu 19-Nov-15 15:32:06

I think they probably say just friends to differentiate between being a couple.

Fintan Thu 19-Nov-15 16:12:07

Is this the guy with the gf and the baby again?

Confused2015xxx Thu 19-Nov-15 16:30:21

Hypothetical question.

Fintan Thu 19-Nov-15 16:36:58

What a coincidence then OP wink

Confused2015xxx Thu 19-Nov-15 16:39:11

Yes they do

ProjectPerfect Thu 19-Nov-15 16:40:22

Oh jeez .... hmm confused

kerbs Thu 19-Nov-15 17:13:02

My friend has dated two men that she got naked with but sex didn't happen.

In each case she discovered afterwards that they had not been single at the time. It's like they hadn't been unfaithful if nothing happened, either that or they had an attack of the guilts.

Offred Thu 19-Nov-15 17:14:24

He's not interested in you. We have been here before, several times. He is stringing you and his gf and probably others along.

He wouldn't know the truth if it smacked him in the face so why does it matter what he thinks he means when he tells you anything.

Just move on already.

Offred Thu 19-Nov-15 17:15:48

In this case though he is telling you 'don't get any ideas this is just about me using you for sex I am not leaving my gf'

Confused2015xxx Thu 19-Nov-15 17:16:29

I have moved on Thankyou.
Not sure the relevance of bringing up previous posts which aren't related to this.
But thanks anyway.

Zippingupmyboots Thu 19-Nov-15 17:21:50

Is this the same guy you shared a bed with but didn't have sex? So this explains why he wanted to watch the film and not have sex with you.

kerbs Thu 19-Nov-15 17:22:22

Fucks sake. Penny drops.

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