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Dad putting me in the middle in divorce.

(6 Posts)
milkmilklemonade12 Wed 18-Nov-15 23:20:56

I'm so tired. My Dad is the unreasonable one and always has been. My mum called time on the whole thing and walked out a few months back. She tried living with him while the divorce went through but it was too much and got her own flat last week until everything is sorted. She has blocked his number.

My dad has been texting me: "milkmilk. Please tell your mother to pay X bill and I will pay her back. If I don't pay this bill in both our names, we will get red letter and credit rating will go down. Then we will both be fucked in future. Etc."

I'm trying so fucking hard to remain friendly (ish) with him, because I don't want him to hide assets or make it harder for my mum than needs be because he's angry with me or thinks we've clubbed together against him which he's accused us of doing since I was a tiny child.

But after several weeks of being his emotional punching bag, my patience is wearing thin. Im sad. Im sad and angry. Sad that he's wrecked his relationship with my mother beyond repair, and angry that he's rounding on me. I'm so tired. I don't know what I want to do about it. Or even what the right thing is to do.

I've posted several times on here over the years I've been here under various names about him, and what an emotional fuckwit he is and how my mum needed to get it together and leave. This isn't a new thing. There's obviously history with his manipulative behaviour that is pulling my strings, hence my reaction.

I just needed to vent. thanks

Nandocushion Thu 19-Nov-15 02:41:46

So sorry to hear you're going through this. It sounds extremely difficult.

AcrossthePond55 Thu 19-Nov-15 03:33:02

Does your mother have a solicitor? If so, tell your dad to direct his 'instructions' to her solicitor as you will not play 'go-between'.

Otherwise, just tell him that you don't want to be involved so will not be relaying messages back and forth for either of them. I know your mother wouldn't ask you to, but saying it will let your dad know you aren't 'playing favourites'.

Hillfarmer Thu 19-Nov-15 12:16:42

Tell him clearly you do not want to be involved in their marriage/divorce and that you will not be passing messages. This is highly inappropriate and him trying to involve you is unfair on you. He needs to know this. He shouldn't be angry, he should be sorry he has done this to you.

Sorry OP, I had 'too much information' and emotional manipulation from my mother when my parents divorced when I was in my twenties. It is very damaging, and you are totally right to try to detach. This is self-preservation for you. Don't let them mess with your head. You can show care to both your parents, but manipulation is bad bad bad. Good luck.

Jhm9rhs Thu 19-Nov-15 12:26:40

I would send him a message saying that you will not be passing on messages for either your father or your mother. Inform your mother in confidence about the bills if needed.

Then completely ignore all further communication in this vein.

Viewofhedges Thu 19-Nov-15 14:55:49

I had the same as Hillfarmer. It's very damaging, and though it sounds like your relationship with him is already not great, it'll make it even harder to rescue it in the future.

Can you take him to one side and say a variant of : "Dad. I know you and Mum are going through a tough time because of the divorce, but it's affecting me too. It really upsets me to be in the middle of this and I have decided that I can no longer pass on messages for either of you. You are both my parents and I don't want to be put in this position. It makes me feel really sad and upset." He really should be able to accept that and hopefully he should also apologise for having done it.

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