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I've been played, haven't I? OLD related

(139 Posts)
itsallpoop Wed 18-Nov-15 18:30:10

I am so stupid. I have been played like a right fool and I am so upset and annoyed with myself.

First OLD ever, went amazingly well, and coffee turned into a meal out. Before that we had exchanged literally hundreds of texts over two dsys. He was so bloody nice. Really kind, loads of compliments, funny, charming - everything.

Second date, also brilliant with some heavy duty kissing.

Third date and we DTD. Again, absolutely fantastic, loving, warm, intimate. Just perfect. I floated home, hardly able to believe my luck. After being in a crappy relationship for 3 years, I had a glimmer of happiness.

Since then, almost nothing. The odd text in response to my increasingly desperate ones, but no sign of anything like before at all.

Why do they do it? Why say on a profile you're looking for a relationship when all you want is a shag?

Number deleted now, won't be getting in touch again. Not saddened by this ending before it began, just incredibly sad that I was played for a fool, when I had been so hopeful.

Are all men on OLD like this?

Confused2015xxx Wed 18-Nov-15 18:34:55

What a twat.
Sounds like he got what he wanted.
Don't take it personally.
A lot of men online are like this.
Saying that even the ones you don't meet online are like this.

Wotsitsareafterme Wed 18-Nov-15 18:35:04

No they arnt I promise. I have a lovely dp of 6 months I met online. Before that a year. Before that 4 months and 6 months. They didn't work out for various reasons but I wasn't played.
Old is a funny old game and players will occur. It is no reflection on you whatsoever - just one to chalk up to experience flowers

JeffsanArsehole Wed 18-Nov-15 18:35:33

Well I think the thing to bear in mind that anyone texting hundreds of times immediately is not going to be able to sustain it. And that's why you should wait to shag (unless YOU want a shag).

They do reveal their tosserness if you wait a while.
flowersflowersflowers You don't deserve it

ImperialBlether Wed 18-Nov-15 18:36:11

No, they're not all like that but a lot are, apparently. What a horrible way to behave. No advice, sorry; you did everything you could and you were unlucky to catch a bastard.

flowers

SolsburyHell Wed 18-Nov-15 18:48:03

Yep, definitely watch out for the ones that come on so strong so soon.

I'm sorry that you've had a crap time. Try not to be too put off by it, I know of quite a few OLD success stories, have even been to 2 OLD weddings.

niceupthedance Wed 18-Nov-15 19:04:14

I met a fair few of these. It made me feel shit. Anyway after meeting seven of these guys in a row, I met a decent one. I had almost given up hope. Rest assured, it's not you it's them.

Wotsitsareafterme Wed 18-Nov-15 19:06:06

The zillions of texts can be sustained. Sleeping together early on doesn't mean you get played.

amysmummy12345 Wed 18-Nov-15 19:11:24

I met my DH OLD nine years ago, now with 2 year old dd and another baby on the way, there are some good guys out there xxx

itsallpoop Wed 18-Nov-15 19:13:24

Thank you all, your words are just what I need to make me feel better. Or not as stupid maybe.

HustleRussell Wed 18-Nov-15 19:27:58

Of course most, if not all men are like this. In general men will get as much sex as they can. OLD is to blame as everyone can get what they want then move to the next. People become commodities.

Of course unattractive men will have a higher chance of being more 'normal' in that respect.

Threefishys Wed 18-Nov-15 19:38:58

In what way did you get played ? And yes hundreds of texts obviously is madness and not sustainable.

SirRaymondClench Wed 18-Nov-15 19:45:00

Please don't feel stupid. You haven't done anything wrong.
You were honest about who you were and what you were looking for.
He, on the other hand, totally misrepresented what he was about. That's his loss.
Eat chocolate, drink wine, have bubble baths or whatever you do to make yourself feel better. Be kind to yourself. Then shake yourself down and get back out there.
One day you'll be glad this guy turned out to be such a tool. The world is full of amazing men (yes there are a few cock-ends out there too) but you will find someone lovely before long if you keep being yourself. flowers

pocketsaviour Wed 18-Nov-15 20:04:53

Nothing to do with OLD - there's plenty of men you can meet in a pub, through work, through friends etc who will drop you after a shag.

Don't take it personally - and don't get over-invested until you've DTD a few times, is my advice.

Guiltypleasures001 Wed 18-Nov-15 20:05:31

Hi op

How about looking at it this way

You had a good first date a lovely second one and a very decent shag after that grinwin win lovely
Could have been worse he could have been a shit shag and you would have felt worse

Chalk it up to experience, head up shoulders back tits out NEXT thanks

itsallpoop Wed 18-Nov-15 20:18:21

You were honest about who you were and what you were looking for. He, on the other hand, totally misrepresented what he was about.

^ this is why I think I've been played. Thank you SirRaymond, nailed it.

Threefishys Wed 18-Nov-15 20:36:36

Has he completely dropped you then? How did he misrepresent himself? Not being pedantic just genuinely interested.

SirRaymondClench Wed 18-Nov-15 20:38:14

Yes but read what I said after that:

That's his loss.

If that was all he wanted, he should have been upfront about it. But he wasn't. So he is gutless. He would much rather lie about who he is than be honest. You kind of have to feel a bit sorry for blokes like that. Nothing wrong with a ONS but at least be honest about what you want.
The only thing you've missed out on here is who you thought he was.
There will be loads of lovely men out there who actually fit your ideal rather than some sad twat who lies about himself. You had a lucky escape!
So head up and onwards!

Threefishys Wed 18-Nov-15 20:40:14

And when you say you were honest about yourself what does that mean ? That you fancied him and made it clear by sleeping with him and vice versa. Or did sleeping with him mean your expectations changed ? Three dates is only three dates and enough time for you to know you wanted to sleep with him so yes how did you get played . My OLD story is a bit more successful we've been together a year after DTD on the first date but I'm genuinely fascinated by the subject and the perceptions of it.

SirRaymondClench Wed 18-Nov-15 20:40:10

Threefishys because he made out he was up for the same things as OP. Then got what he really wanted and disappeared. If he'd said he just wanted a casual shag then she would have been able to decide whether she wanted to go further. He made out this was going somewhere and she believed it.

Threefishys Wed 18-Nov-15 20:43:45

Just reread OP and it boils down to him saying he wants a relationship but backing off after sex yes? Having sex doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want a relationship though does it it just means you and he had chemistry and went for it - but perhaps he doesn't see you having a relationship after all - I wouldn't that's misrepresentation as such just a decision he's made? Either way you've deleted him now and I think that's probably for the best. Onward and upward !!

Threefishys Wed 18-Nov-15 20:44:46

But going somewhere after three dates? Unless I've read it wrong (I may have) nobody in their right mind can make that call about a stranger can they

niceupthedance Wed 18-Nov-15 20:53:40

"Perhaps he doesn't see you having a relationship after all"

That's a very convenient explanation which seems to happen A LOT in online dating. Just saying.

Threefishys Wed 18-Nov-15 20:58:20

Well of course it happens a lot . You are picking people off the internet essentially blind and have dates to establish if they are what you are looking for. Its a numbers game for both sexes so not so much convenient as totally understandable I would have thought. As I say my OLD fumble on Tinder resulted in my relationship now which is one year on....we DTD on the first date...we both were casual for around two months I'd say - no talk of expectations about relationships and it grew organically as relationships are wont to do. Slow build is generally a stronger foundation. I would have said to OP that the full on nature of all the texting first thing is not usually a good sign of longevity. The signs are there you just have to want to see them and learn from them for next time.

Threefishys Wed 18-Nov-15 21:01:12

And on a personal note I recommend Tinder above all other dating sites - you know where you are immediately its like meeting someone out no talk beforehand of why you are out that night - it just happens if that makes sense! Tinder all the way smile

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