Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

New realtionship ..normal?

(59 Posts)
Confused2015xxx Wed 18-Nov-15 18:25:56

So I'm very bad with men I mean disaster soon.
The last few weeks I met a new guy.
Last night was the first time he stayed over.
We didn't sleep together tho.
we watched a film in bed(cheesy I know)
Then we just talked for a while(2hours)
He asked me to lie on his chest and held my hand.
He kept staring at me( in my head I'm thinking what you looking at) then we were kissing,sometimes just little pecks.
He kissed my forehead then he fell asleep without trying anything on.
Is that normal? Surely if your in bed and your a bloke you have a go.

cuntycowfacemonkey Wed 18-Nov-15 18:30:58

"Surely if you're in bed and your a bloke you have a go"


I would hope not all blokes would think woman = have a go

MooPointCowsOpinion Wed 18-Nov-15 18:31:58

Oh lord. [popcorn]

Confused2015xxx Wed 18-Nov-15 18:32:11

Maybe I didn't phrase that well ..
If a woman is in her undies is it normal to just want to cuddle?

HustleRussell Wed 18-Nov-15 18:32:48

Is he gay?!

TattieHowkerz Wed 18-Nov-15 18:36:12

It's unusual.

Did you want to have sex? Could he be taking cues from you to take things slow, or just lack confidence?

If you feel ready for sex just tell him next time and see how he responds.

Confused2015xxx Wed 18-Nov-15 18:37:28

Well the kissing got quite passionate and there was touching.
He deffo doesn't suffer from lack of confidence lol

AnyFucker Wed 18-Nov-15 18:37:57

Why didn't you "have a go" ?

Confused2015xxx Wed 18-Nov-15 18:38:35

I didn't want to make the first move.

AnyFucker Wed 18-Nov-15 18:41:18

Why not ?

bendybootpumpkinpatch Wed 18-Nov-15 18:43:41

Bloke's really can't win can they....

PurplePoppy17 Wed 18-Nov-15 18:45:14

Maybe he really likes you and just wants to take things slow... It doesn't mean anything bad or that 'he's gay'

MirandaWest Wed 18-Nov-15 18:47:16

Maybe he thought if he initiated sex that you'd think he was just out for one thing

HustleRussell Wed 18-Nov-15 18:48:00

It's hardly a big deal. It was the first time you shared a bed. Don't worry, I am sure he will be up for a shag next time..

AnyFucker Wed 18-Nov-15 18:48:55

When my H and I got it on, he was the perfect gent

I was the one who pushed things forward sexually

He is definitely not gay and has certainly made up for his initial hesitation.

Confused2015xxx Wed 18-Nov-15 18:49:50

It was really nice.
I think as I've never been treat like that.
It was strange felt so comfortable with Him and it was nice.
I don't mind we never had sex.

Translator1000 Wed 18-Nov-15 18:51:41

If a woman is in her undies is it normal to just want to cuddle?

In my case that would read

If a woman is in her undies is it normal to just lie on your side of the bed ignoring her hmm

Sadly sad but then we have been together almost 20 years

Seriously though - why don't you ask him / talk to him.

ALaughAMinute Wed 18-Nov-15 18:56:03

Sorry to say, but by the sound of it, he didn't find watching a video in bed and talking for two hours much of a turn on. Some men would be eager to have sex no matter what and some men would find it all a bit too cosy and a bit of a turn off. You did nothing wrong by the way, it's just some men need to be teased and need a bit of foreplay. Sorry to state the bleedin' obvious but you know what I mean.

What video did you watch? Was it a sexy video? If it was, I would be worried that he didn't try it on, although he might have been suffering from first night nerves so don't take it personally.

I wouldn't give up on him just yet, just make it absolutely clear you want to have sex with him next time. Entice him and see what happens.

niceupthedance Wed 18-Nov-15 18:59:21

Maybe there was a reason he didn't want to? Did you ask him?

Cabrinha Wed 18-Nov-15 19:01:33

Entice him?
Video and chat not a turn on?

If your boyfriend fancies you, you could watch the test card with him for an hour and he'd be keen.

It's not about enticing him.
Maybe he just didn't want to have sex so soon.

RedMapleLeaf Wed 18-Nov-15 19:04:29

You went to bed for the first time... and watched a video?

What was the video?

Zippingupmyboots Wed 18-Nov-15 19:11:43

When you first meet someone you never get to the end of the film.

They were in bed for a whole night kissing. I don't think he needed 'enticing.'

Joysmum Wed 18-Nov-15 19:17:55

Fuck sake, so glad I'm not a bloke as they can't win.

He was comfortable and respectful of you and you think he's a freak for it.

Newsflash, you didn't want to push it forward and he's perfectly at liberty to feel the same way.

If you want to move things on, open dialogue about it. Relationships are 50/50 so it's as much down to you as to him.

Confused2015xxx Wed 18-Nov-15 19:44:47

The talking in bed seemed to bring us closer.
It just felt easy and comfortable and it didn't feel like he wasn't turned on I guess that night wasn't about just that.
He was talking about things and so was I.
We watched the green mile.
It almost felt like when you've been together ages and are just comfortable being with each other.
He said to me it's not all about that(sex)
There was lots of kissing.
It felt like it actually meant something to him.
Maybe I was caught up in a bubble.

ALaughAMinute Wed 18-Nov-15 21:00:02

"It almost felt like when you've been together ages are just comfortable being with being with each other"

OP, this is what I meant when I said some men would find sitting in bed watching a film bit too cosy and a bit of a turn off (or at least not much of a turn on!) especially as it was the first time you'd been to bed together. If you want cosy and comfortable then that's fine. Alternatively, if you want a wild night of passion, you might have to make more of an effort next time, that's all I'm saying.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: