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Is he loosing feelings for me?

(8 Posts)
Katieemilyxo Tue 17-Nov-15 23:08:23

Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly a year and a half now we are both seventeen and both have a baby together at first are relationship was amazing he would constantly message me call me text me we would always have something to talk about we was inseparable now he doesn't bother to call me message me or anything and I'm still madly in love with him I'm constantly trying to talk to him and it seems he's always got something better else to do he does go to college four times a week so of course he's busy but it's like he puts no effort into me Anymore I'm at home(living with my parents) caring for are son and I feel so alone iv never loved anyone like him I feel like I love him but the feeling is not neutral anymore he saids he loves me but he just doesn't put the effort in like he use to we see eachother at weekends but we just seem to argue he always find something to have ago at me about but I just love him so muchsad this is hurting me so much I don't know what to do I just want him to be the person I metsad

BaronessSamedi Wed 18-Nov-15 12:08:24

17 is young to have a baby. this may be part of the problem.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 18-Nov-15 12:11:38

Do you have any real life support?
You say you live with your parents. Can you talk to your mum about this?
Would she help with advice and support?

It does sound like he has lost interest.
You are both so young and have a lot of life to live.
If he isn't making you happy and he won't discuss it then I suggest you just take a break for a while.
There's no point seeing him and arguing and being miserable is there?

Offred Wed 18-Nov-15 12:26:45

All relationships struggle when you have a baby.

All relationships where you can't live together as a family struggle too.

Add to that the fact you are still under 18 and living with parents and your relationship is under a lot of pressure.

That said the vast majority of people do not have relationships that last as long as yours has at your age. That's because trying things out without committing to them long term is what being a teenager is about.

If you have the baby then your life will have changed in an absolutely massive way and you will have had to take on responsibility beyond your years. He hasn't, he's likely still behaving as a normal teenager.

I think, sad as it will be, you need to accept that this relationship is very likely to not survive all the pressures on you and focus on you and your child.

He needs to take responsibility for his child as a priority. If you stay together then you do but believe me you deserve a partner who loves you and treats you well and if he is not that person you will have gained something (an opportunity to be happy), not lost something as you fear.

Offred Wed 18-Nov-15 12:28:21

And sorry about baroness' nasty comment.

hmmmum Wed 18-Nov-15 12:53:02

Maybe he is feeling overwhelmed by his new responsibilities as a father and maybe he feels he can't give you what you need emotionally. It's quite a big deal to be in a committed relationship and have a baby. I know my husband really struggled when we first had a baby and we went from being a couple who could do whatever we wanted, go out and do fun stuff at the drop of a hat, to being a couple where we couldn't even have a lie-in anymore, and every time he cam home all he could hear as he came up the stairs was our baby crying, and then I'd be stressed out and exhausted. Your relationship can't really go back to how it was before, the baby has changed all that, it has to evolve into a new kind of relationship, one with a baby, and that's really tough for people in their 30s to figure out, let alone a couple as young as you.
It would be really great for you guys to get some support - could you ask your health visitor if there is relationship counselling you guys could access?
I'd say he is mainly avoiding you out of fear - fear that he can't be the guy that the situation needs. You could try reasuring him that you don't want perfection. I really hope it works out for you guys.

pocketsaviour Wed 18-Nov-15 13:07:37

I just want him to be the person I met

I don't want this to sound harsh. But you were both still at school when you met, and you are still not adults yet. You have had a baby and while you're still living with your parents, you've had to do a lot of growing up in a short space of time, to become a mum.

Your boyfriend hasn't gone through that same physical process, and as he isn't living with you, maybe doesn't quite "get" the whole becoming-a-parent thing, and hasn't matured as quickly as you have.

As people get older, they do change. The difference between who you are when you're at school, and who you are when you've left, is huge. (Thank goodness, because I was an utter brat at school grin )

Unfortunately, it may be that he was not ready to be a dad, and he wants to continue doing the kind of thing you can do when you're not a parent - go out with his mates, etc.

I think the best thing you can do is sit him down with him and have a serious talk about where he sees things going, and where he wants to be. Whatever happens, you want to make sure he is still in your DS's life as his dad.

Katieemilyxo Wed 18-Nov-15 16:57:28

I know 17 is very young to have a baby I don't need to be told that :/ thank you for all the comments reading them has helped me alot iv tried so hard to keep are relationship together but maybe he's just staying in it as he feels he has to sad

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