DH and I haven't been good for ages. I have a long line of grivences, am sure he does too. If we didn't have DS who is 6, I would have left ages ago.
At the moment I am furious because he's run up 7 grand worth of debt on a credit card and not told me. I meanwhile have 6,500 in savings which I was really excited on spending on furniture which we need, and getting nice things as well. We need sofas, carpet, new curtains, all sorts (and we do need them, we're half way through renovating, we have no furniture at all in the living room!) I've saved up for the last year to get this money - I'm a relatively high earner but haven't been buying big treats. He meanwhile put his travel season ticket and left it on a credit card with no attempt to pay it off, just left it there for a year. He's also put two football season tickets (at over 1000 each) on it, and made no attempt to pay it off. I knew he had put the travel on a credit card but it never occured to me he wasn't paying it off. We have a joint bank account which we pay into to cover bills - I pay £1500 and he pays in £550. Other than that his finances and mine are seperate, I put money into savings on top of that plus cover DS school fees and other bits and pieces. I paid the deposit on our house in its entirety and paid off another one of his debts from before we got together of about 10 grand. He earns 30,000 a year, his travel is 5000 a year, so it didn't occur to me he wasn't paying it off, but if he'd talked to me I could have upped my contribution to the joint finances and saved less, but I didn't know. Sorry to go so much in depth into amounts but trying to give the whole picture.
He's been absolutely vile about helping me pick the furniture, really stroppy and obnoxious. He now says it's because he's stressed about the debt and having no money and I'm wasting money on sofas. And I'm just so angry and it's stupid because it's only stuff, but I was really excited about them and now I have to spend my savings paying off his stupid credit cards because it's ridiculous to have debt hanging over us when I have it in savings. I feel very childish about it but I can't help being frustrated.
This is not the only issue, we have a rubbish sex life, I don't think fancy him and I haven't for years really. It comes and goes.
Anyway, am sure he could list many things about me, I'm not perfect! I'm just trying to set the scene.
Tonight he's running late coming home from work. He's told me he's going to get the later train, be back about 11.
But he's left Facebook messenger on DS's iPad, and I went to look at it. And he's arranged to meet a girl, an old school friend. It's the second time he will have met her and not told me. I know this from reading his messages, not my finest hour! I don't think it's an affair, or at least not yet. But I do think that it's leaning that way, his past messages say "was so good to see you, sorry if I talked to much. I had a great time lets do it again soon."
And now they're doing it again. He's facetimed me and DS and didn't mention that he was off to meet her, just said he was on his way home but next train wasn't for an hour, two minutes later he messaged her to say he was on his way, there in a minute.
And worryingly I'm not that bothered. There is a little voice in my head which says it would be great because then he would be the bad guy, I would be blameless and I can just get on and finish the marriage. Does that make me a bad person?
Then i realise how it would devestate DS and realise I am a bad person.
What should I do?
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Relationships
DH appears to be flirting with an affair
CinderellaSometimes · 17/11/2015 21:22
It sounds like you aren't happy in your marriage, regardless of what he may or may not be doing. Either talk it through (possibly with a mediator or therapist), or make your plans to get out.
As you're married it doesn't matter who paid more deposit or who's name the savings are in, they are all counted as marital assets (unless you got a pre-nup). As are the debts. I think you need to think this through in detail.
Good luck 
What Anyfucker said. That.
for you OP. Make a new life, you both sound like you need it.
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