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Help me understand my friend.

(4 Posts)
Solongtoshort Tue 17-Nov-15 08:57:21

My friend, my very best friend in all sense of the word, who I have been there for and she for me is allowing a man to be so disrespectful to her in real life and on Facebook it's really upsetting me. I have tried to talk to her about it but she changes the subject. She is worth ten of this stupid man I am fumming.

Not only can I see he has commented on a singles club post but her mum and daughter will see this aswell. There has just been issues about how he doesn't get along with her daughter but I am not supprised.

Her fiancé died 3 1/2 years ago and she quickly got with this muppet. Who I liked at first, even though I it was too soon, but now I want to tell her to have nothing to do with him.

My dh has told me not to get involved, but I crying inside for her. She is worth so so much more.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 17-Nov-15 09:03:58

I would keep the lines of communication open with her as this man may well try to isolate her further. Meet up with her in town as and when you can. Apart from that and trying to get her to think about how she has changed since she has been with him, there is not a lot more you can yourself do.

She likely knows some of the extent of his true nature but she may well love him and still hopes that he will change/she can fix or rescue him.

(It sounds like she was targeted by this man too; she met him when she was still feeling low and vulnerable. He has taken full advantage of that).

Jhm9rhs Tue 17-Nov-15 09:06:24

I am in a similar position. My friend is in a relationship with an emotionally abusive man, incredibly selfish and probably a narcissist I think.
She gets upset, dumps him, comes here and pours out her heart....then she's back with him the next day.
There's a limit to what you can do...it's her life. Last time, I said 'look, my personal opinion is that x has a, b and c personality traits that mean that, without significant personal development which, if it happens at all, will no doubt be prolonged and painful, nothing is going to change in terms of his behaviour. I know you know this too, because you have told me you do. I will support you whatever you decide, but I think you need to think seriously about how you want this to work out and if you think it's feasible '. She was fine with it...but I only said it once. Otherwise I'm just there for her.

Preciousxbane Tue 17-Nov-15 09:15:45

I told a friend that her new live in BF was not great when she said she wasn't allowed the heating on if he was not at home. Contact declined, she ended up turning on me horribly and I lost a good friendship. Apparently I had never supported her previously. Bearing in mind I had lived through her OD nightmares and been the one she had text to say she was home ok etc for the previous year, helped her write her profile and taken her photo for the profile.

You risk friendship loss, I miss my friend but I did the correct thing.

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