I am in a new relationship. Been seeing BF for 3 months. We are both over 40. It is my first relationship since leaving XH over a year ago. I was with XH since being a teenager so the concept of dating and starting relationships as a 'proper' adult is totally new to me.
At the start, BF was very attentive, intense, passionate, and didn't hold back telling me and showing me how much he was falling for me. I was surprised at how quickly it became serious but I was also bowled over by him and my feelings were just as intense.
Being inexperienced, I let him set the pace of things as I really was clueless about how these things are usually done. Within a few weeks we were spending 3 evenings a week together minimum, staying overnight usually. We've had a weekend away together, I have met most of his friends and family and it is seemingly pretty full on. I am happy about this. I like him a lot and I can see a future with him. He is genuine and lovely.
But. I don't know if it's down to my lack of self esteem or if his feelings are cooling off, but I think things have changed. At the beginning our texts were often explicit with desire. I sometimes attempt to start a text exchange like that again but he doesn't really seem to do that any more.
It feels to me like he is becoming a little colder and more distant. Not just in his texting style but sometimes when we are together too or when we talk on the phone. He isn't trying to spend less time with me, he is doing all the right things, its just that he feels less connected than he was. It feels like he is less into me than he was. I am sure he is telling me less how into me he is.
It's probably just me and my fucked up self esteem.
But I can't even talk to him about it. I feel paralysed by the need to be the perfect girlfriend. I don't want to ask questions that make me seem paranoid or demanding. When he spends time at my house (which is the majority of the time we spend together) I worry constantly about whether he is bored, what he thinks of me / my house / my books etc. and I feel constantly on edge whilst trying to hide it. I know I shouldn't feel like this. I actually do feel much more relaxed around him when I get to spend time at his house. But logistically it's easier if he comes to me.
Sex is becoming a little less frequent already. He seems to enjoy it, as do I, but he has stopped trying to make me orgasm after some early attempts didn't quite hit the mark and I said I felt under too much pressure to perform. I do occasionally orgasm with him but only if I do it myself, and often if it's midweek and he is tired, there isn't enough time for even that to happen because, fun as it is, it's all over in ten minutes.
I want the early days back again. The ones when we walked arm in arm everywhere, stopping in the street often just to kiss. When we would spend an hour or more over sex. When the text messages were often explicit. When he left me in no doubt that I was everything he wanted. When he thought I was interesting to talk to.
I realise that the early hedonism of new relationships can't last forever but does it really start to fade by 3 months?
And how do I get over my crippling silence and tell him what I really want and how I really feel?
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Relationships
Feeling lost and so uncertain.
20 replies
Quatrefoil · 17/11/2015 00:15
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