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Help with social services and my partner

(147 Posts)
Leannecarpenter Mon 16-Nov-15 21:40:34

Hi I have been with my partner for around 7 months. My previous partner died in my arms and that knocked me for 6 and effected my parenting which meant social services got involved. I am okay now and doing great but social services have said I cannot see my current partner.

My partner had a bitter break up with his ex partner and though no violence was involved he did get a restraining order and was charged for harrassment which was mainly due to begging to see his child and granted some messages to her were a bit offensive but he was angry and hurting.

We have had one incident at the begining where police were called as we were arguing but nothing come of that and we have since got on great but social services have said because of that we cannot be together. Social services are in the process of taking me to court due to my slip up when my last partber died but I am not too concerned about that as lots of professionals are singing my prayers and I am currently on a parenting programme to etter myself and lifes great its just them not allowing me to see my partner.

I had a plo meeting and they said there I am not to have him at the house or around my children but for months they were fine with him being around and it wasnt until the small incident where police got called due to us shouting but it has only been one occasion and nothing come off it so with my partners charge of harrassment and one police visit can they really stop us being together or take my children if we are caught?

I had a short hiccup and suffered a bad patch of my life and things are great now. Kids are happy im happy and me and my partner want to get married but I need advice as social are saying im not allowed to see him. I have seen his criminal record myself and its just a harrassment charge without violence and one police visit for us both at the start. Is that really enough to stop us being a family?

Hope this makes sense, I ramble on a bit lol

Minime85 Mon 16-Nov-15 22:20:29

I'm really sorry but i think you need to concentrate on your kids and getting social services out of your lives. If it is meant to be with your partner he will wait. It sounds like you and your likes have been on a bit of a rollercoaster and I would think that you and them need to be the priority. I would be very wary of a partner blaming an ex for his behaviour and not taking responsibility. Police don't charge or get involved unless they need to. Sorry but I expect it's not what you are looking for as an answer.

Floggingmolly Mon 16-Nov-15 22:24:41

Social services are taking you to court? Is there a chance your children could be taken into care? hmm If the police had to be called to one of your bust ups it's fairly obvious why SS are against you all "being a family".

LineyReborn Mon 16-Nov-15 22:24:59

You want to marry him after 7 months, with all this going on with your children's lives? A man who has temper issues?

I think you need to listen very carefully to what social workers are telling you.

Handywoman Mon 16-Nov-15 22:32:38

If you are in PLO your children may end up being removed.

I think you need to prioritise.

This is very unlikely to be a 'hiccup'

Twinklestein Mon 16-Nov-15 22:34:52

I think you know that if you stay with this man you'll lose your children.

What are SS taking you to court for?

Cleansheetsandbedding Mon 16-Nov-15 22:38:50

Move heaven and hell to ensure you don't lose your children. If that means splitting up with your BF so be it. My friend lost her two boys because she wouldn't leave her husband. she sees them fortnightly.

Children really are everything and always need to come first. They sound like they have been through a lot too.


sonnyson12 Mon 16-Nov-15 22:42:03

With respect, I think you are attempting to minimise a lot of what is going in your situation.

7 months a 'partner' doesn't make and reading between the lines, you have introduced him into your children's lives with haste.

Yes, Non-molestation orders can be given rather too easily, especially when one parent is actively denying children a relationship with the other parent but, a charge for harassment something else and I'm not surprised the SS have acted upon their concerns after the police have been called to a domestic incident, this is safeguarding in action.

Please do the same for your children, you run the risk of losing your relationship with them.

Is it worth it for someone you have known for a mere 7 months?

redexpat Mon 16-Nov-15 22:42:40

This man has a history of being abusive. Due to previous circumstances you are vunerable. That means by extension that your children are vunerable. SS are there to protect them from harm. Do you think it is in your childrens best interests for their mother to make a new family after a short time, with a man who is likely to abuse their mother, and possibly them?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 16-Nov-15 22:45:03

Just a harassment charge and one police visit. Oh that's fine then. Not.

Your standards are exceptionally low.

Yes, that's enough to stop you being a family. More than enough. It is worrying that you have to ask.

Dump him. Keep the children. That's what I'd do. I wouldn't find it a particularly hard decision actually.

Are you really seeing him in secret even though SS have said you'll lose your children? This is worth risking your children. Really?

Rhinosaurus Mon 16-Nov-15 22:47:39

Social services do not go to public law outline for nothing.... You are minimising, and not prioritising your children. If this comes across in your one post I am sure it does in real life.

I know if my children were being taken to PLO I would be doing anything social care asked me to, as once it's gone to PLO it's a short step to your children being removed if things don't change.

AnyFucker Mon 16-Nov-15 22:52:01

If this man is more important to you than keeping your children with you, then carry on as you are.

It really is as simple as that.

JeffsanArsehole Mon 16-Nov-15 22:52:28

It doesn't sound as if you are sticking to not seeing him

Are you?

Because if you carry on seeing him you will lose your children.

AnyFucker Mon 16-Nov-15 22:53:45

have you got a solicitor ?

what are they advising that you do ?

GingerIvy Mon 16-Nov-15 22:54:54

Your post is filled with minimising his behaviour. Dump him. He's bad news.

Noeuf Mon 16-Nov-15 22:55:22

What was the slip up when your partner died and why are social services taking you to court? You say they got involved but everything's great now - that doesn't really add up?

And that's before you consider the new bloke - please just ditch him

Minime85 Mon 16-Nov-15 22:58:36

Sorry I can't stop thinking about this. I can't believe if there is a prospect of having your children taken away how can you even be asking these questions? How can you risk that?

LimitedSedition Mon 16-Nov-15 22:58:57

In my experience, there is enough there from what you've said that has the potential to get a care order granted.

If SS say stop seeing him, you need to stop seeing him.

goddessofsmallthings Mon 16-Nov-15 23:06:57

When did your late partner die and how old are your dc?

Have you been charged with child neglect or other offence(s) in connection with your dc, or are you required to appear in the family courts as part of childcare proceedings initiated by SS? When is the case due to be heard?

The man you rapidly became involved with to the extent that you have let him into your home and into the lives of your dc has a criminal record for harassment, but you appear to have minimised the fact that he committed a series of abusive/threatening acts before being charged and convicted.

It would seem that grief has skewed your judgement and obscured your vision othewise you would see that, no matter how many others are singing your praises, you are at risk of having your dc taken into care and possibly adopted if you continue your relationship with a man who is viewed by SS as posing a risk to them.

The stark reality is that, if you persist in seeing this man and your dc are taken into care, any subsequent dc you may have with him could be removed at birth.

Is any man worth risking your dc and your mental health for?

DixieNormas Mon 16-Nov-15 23:09:31

I'm with you need to stop seeing him

anothernumberone Mon 16-Nov-15 23:12:03

Sorry about your partner flowers it sounds very tough. I think I would be taking social services very seriously if they are this concerned about your children's welfare. Have social services explained their concerns about your partner, perhaps you are not party to the whole story.

sonnyson12 Mon 16-Nov-15 23:14:08


from what you have written, a care order is a very real possibility.

If it is ordered, you will not only lose having your children live with you but you will face a long hard fight to have them back living with you, even if you are no longer in a relationship with this person.

If this is already going to court, you need to put a stop to this relationship right now without any hesitation. Do you have any family/friend support?

You will need to demonstrate that the relationship has ended as simply stating that you are no longer together may not, at this stage, be enough to convince the court that your children are no longer at risk.

Please, take the advice, end the relationship, find support, be honest and I wish you all the very best.

No person is worth the risk of losing your children for,

Leannecarpenter Mon 16-Nov-15 23:17:11

You have all got him so wrong. He was charged with harrassment due to condtant demands to see his child. He is not a bad man and all charges against him stated without violence. He was just hurt that his previous partner cheated then stopped him seeing hus child for no reason. Why should we be punished because his ex choose to stop contact because her new partner didnt like ex boyfriend coming round weekly. He is never a violebt or agressive person and yes he persued his ex to see his child, what parent wouldnt? We had one arguement as I have mental illness and he was struggling with the way I can get at times at the begining as I kept it from him but now he knows and we really see a future together. So what right do social have to deny us this.

Offred Mon 16-Nov-15 23:18:21

You need to do exactly what SS are telling you.

You aren't taking much responsibility for whatever lead to SS becoming involved in the beginning and you aren't recognising the danger posed to all of you by this man that you surely barely know.

It is not normal for the police to be called during an argument.

I agree if you have been invited to a PLO that means SS believe your DC are at risk and are taking steps towards possibly removing them from your care. It is not just a storm in a teacup.

Offred Mon 16-Nov-15 23:19:07

He is being punished because he committed the criminal offence of harassment. hmm

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