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Can't move on

(18 Posts)
Finallyputtherubbishout Mon 16-Nov-15 21:33:46

its been a few months since the break up but I just can't seem to move on. I try NC and then he keeps popping up happy to have me around but then says he doesn't want to be back together. Just feels like he's playing games , but tells he still loves me etc. Neither of us seem to be able to break away completely but we can't work out our differences. Not even sure why I'm posting really no one to talk to in RL it's all wearing me down.

hawleybits Mon 16-Nov-15 22:46:04

Poor you. I've been there and ultimately, it only really ends properly when one or the other of you decides they cannot stand the sight of the other - or finds someone else. NC is all well and good if you can stand your ground.

Finallyputtherubbishout Tue 17-Nov-15 08:25:28

I have the occasional angry moment which helps with NC but it seems to fade after a few days

ALaughAMinute Tue 17-Nov-15 08:59:51

Why are you angry? If the relationship is making you unhappy, then you are better off without him. Get rid.

rhirhi89 Tue 17-Nov-15 09:43:30

This is the story of my life. I very rarely post but I wanted to let you know I am in the same position as you. He always finds some reason to contact. We spend a bit of time together then he tells me it just doesn't work even though he loves me. I don't think even he knows what he wants. I have now blocked his number. I am the only person that gets hurt. As far as he's concerned he has his cake and eats it and I'm the only person that can break the cycle, like you.

It really hurts but I find blocking his number is the easiest way, you aren't then waiting for him to contact, getting upset/angry when he doesn't or ultimately getting hurt when they do.

Like you the anger fades and you start thinking more about the good than the bad. Take it from me nothing will change. I think the less we make ourselves available the better. That way if he really does want to be with you he will have to prove it and if he doesn't you will already be used to NC and have started to move on.

ILoveNiceGunas Tue 17-Nov-15 09:46:09

Block him. How can you move on if you keep going back for another serving of torment.

Finallyputtherubbishout Tue 17-Nov-15 09:58:11

Rhirhi89 I couldn't have put it better! Each time I feel a little stronger he gets in touch makes me think about the good times and question what I poss did wrong in the relationship. He acts as though we are still together then says he doesn't want it. its just a headf@*k. Yes def "cake and eat it" the relationship always seems to be his way taking all that he wants and not giving all that he knows I need/what. I can't understand why cutting him off is so hard? It's almost as if I were punishing myself at times confused.

Fintan Tue 17-Nov-15 10:25:16

The rollercoaster of emotions you experience when you go NC to renewed contact back to NC is fuelling your inability to move on. It's sparking brain chemistry that just increases your feeling of addiction to the person.

It sounds harsh, but NC has to be absolute NC.
When you do it properly I promise eventually it will get easier.
Read baggage reclaim website, especially the sections on going NC. There used to be a free pdf version of the NC Guide, I'm not sure if it's still offered.
And do get angry. Being jerked around like his puppet isn't exactly good for your self-esteem and definitely doesn't help you to move on.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 17-Nov-15 11:22:11

And please do the Freedom Programme.

Finallyputtherubbishout Tue 17-Nov-15 20:28:45

Thanks fintan I'm reading the Baggie reclaim now shock where have I been! Surely this is foundation reading for all MN's on the relationship board. I wish I had read this months ago.

Wibhay Tue 17-Nov-15 21:33:45

I'm in exactly the same position as you. For a day I'll be angry and think of all the bad times and then that wears off and all I can do is see the good things. It hurts like hell sad

CharlotteCollins Tue 17-Nov-15 21:39:14

Think of the bad things you have left behind and write yourself a no-nonsense letter to read when you waver.

Then when you're on the verge of getting in touch (you can't if you've blocked properly anyway, surely?) post here instead.

What's the longest you've gone NC for? Aim to double it in the first place.

Wibhay Tue 17-Nov-15 22:20:01

Good advice CharlotteCollins I will also try that myself X

Finallyputtherubbishout Tue 17-Nov-15 22:32:22

I've written the letter to self and endless lists of pros n cons. I think I just need to get stronger and look after myself. I'm realising how debilitated I've become it's ridiculous. I'm thinking new hobbies /volunteering something else to focus on. Charlotte it's silly but I haven't been able to block his number completely yet. I know I have to it's just so hard. Gosh listen to me I sound like such A sap sad

CharlotteCollins Tue 17-Nov-15 23:24:46

I think I would be the same. Not wanting to trivialise things, but I can restrict my DC's junk food intake, no problem. Once they're in bed it's a different matter. I don't have the willpower because I love chocolate and no matter what I tell myself about being healthy, sleeping better, part of me shrugs and thinks "not listening for now". It's only when I feel sick of my lack of self-control that I do something about it.

You may get sick of the backwards and forwards of it all. The trick is not to get hurt in the mean time.

Do you have a friend who could do the blocking? So that you pass the responsibility to someone else who is less likely to cave?

Finallyputtherubbishout Sat 21-Nov-15 21:18:56

It's been a few days NC but I'm feeling weak again. I miss him sad posting to distract from calling him.

Wibhay Sat 21-Nov-15 21:41:45

Don't do it post some messages on here instead xx

Finallyputtherubbishout Sat 21-Nov-15 21:49:20

Aww thanks wibhay, feeling Lonely and lost. Suddenly remembering all the good times.

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