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7 year itch...

(17 Posts)
goteam Mon 16-Nov-15 18:02:36

...an actual thing? Been with DH 7 years, married for 5 and I'm struggling to be attracted to him. We have small children but I feel he's too comfortable around me and it's ruining our romantic life. He farts all the time and leaves the door open on the loo and I just feel myself recoiling in bed.

He's a brilliant dad though and I love watching him with my kids and do love him and his family and our life is very comfortable. Do people do this in their 30s? Just settle. I'm not sure if that's what I'm doing. Maybe life is just relentless with work and childcare and no time as a couple.

VagueIdeas Mon 16-Nov-15 18:03:32

I would definitely have issues with the farting and leaving the toilet door open as well. I don't care if that makes me prissy.

Joysmum Mon 16-Nov-15 18:04:17

An itch is bound to appear if couples neglect their relationship and life and other relationships take over.

goteam Mon 16-Nov-15 18:45:05

I think it is the toilet / farting that is distancing me physically. Just really off putting and I'm far from prissy either. I think that is making us more distant in other ways. Argh!

Hillfarmer Mon 16-Nov-15 18:50:27

Have you told him about the farting etc? Does he take you seriously? Is he bothered that you recoil from him? He needs to know how you feel. If he respected you a bit more, and refrained from farting at you out of consideration for your feelings... who knows, he might get more action.

If he dismisses your feelings, then I would be concerned.

pocketsaviour Mon 16-Nov-15 19:03:00

"Watching you curl one out on the toilet is really making me not fancy you."

It's very hard to feel sexual about someone when you've just smelled their curry-tinged effluence.

goteam Mon 16-Nov-15 19:08:53

That's just it! With small children and sleepless nights, we are both getting irritable but feeling close would help with that but the farting, open door toilet policy etc are just putting me right off and I'm feeling despondent about the future. I have a high sex drive but it's frustrating not wanting to dtd with your partner. I feel that I need to confront it or it will just drive a bigger wedge....

You're right, hill it does point to a lack of respect.

NewLife4Me Mon 16-Nov-15 19:17:38

I think it does exist and was set at 7 years because the norm was to have a couple of kids 7 years in.
The honeymoon is over and this is the time you both need to work at it, to grow closer not more distant.
during our 7 year itch we spiced things up a bit, spent more time together and put everything else on hold to concentrate on us.
We make sure we spend lots of time together now and have been married for 23 years.

gamerchick Mon 16-Nov-15 19:26:23

Well how much bonding time do you get? I get grumpy and irritable with the none stop LIFE thing and those minor things that briefly irritate become amplified until you bristle when it happens. Even an hour of naked cuddles can help if you can't get a 'date' night or just time to have a laugh together.

It's so easy to neglect your bond when you're busy with life but it's so important to do.

goteam Mon 16-Nov-15 19:27:42

newlife that's good to hear. I want to work through it as I'm basically happy with my home life although things seem a bit stale. I had always been ready to end relationships after 3 years before DH but as I wanted children and security, I have to stick things out. I want to too! I love him, it isn't just security. I do find myself looking back to passionate flings etc though and planning exciting futures with a dishy colleague who always makes a beeline for me....I feel like we're in a crucial point. A few friends' marriages have broken down in the last few years due to affairs and I really don't want that but argh! DH, shut the fuckng bathroom door!

gamerchick Mon 16-Nov-15 19:27:34

And have a word with the pure lazy bollocks he's doing.

goteam Mon 16-Nov-15 19:29:33

gamer I do feel that we are losing the bond and don't have opportunities to do the very things that bought us together (love of films and theatre).

RiceCrispieTreats Mon 16-Nov-15 19:33:51

Have you spoken to him about the toilet door and farting? If not, do so forthwith! It's a simple enough matter. Add in a couple suggestions for a date night.

gamerchick Mon 16-Nov-15 19:35:26

Then you need to have a chat, it's not hard to keep that bond but it has to be acknowledged by both as important.

Next time you have a hug give it a good 20 seconds minimum to get the oxytocin going and have a heart to heart at some point soon.

As for the door thing, I think I would be inclined to stand in front of the door and peer at him until he's finished if telling him doesn't work. I'll bet he shuts it after that.

NewLife4Me Mon 16-Nov-15 19:40:47

In defense of your dh after being together for a while it is easy to let standards slip and not realise.
You feel more at ease with one another and in a way it's good that you can be relaxed and you don't have the same worries as when you first meet. I wouldn't be happy about the bathroom door either.

However, if there are things you don't like that really put you off, you must say so that resentment doesn't build up.

Find new things to do together, I know this is easier than it sounds but work around your restrictions rather than being restricted if that makes sense.

goteam Mon 16-Nov-15 19:43:44

Yeah, I do need to raise it. Thanks for the tips gamer, I'll try your suggestions.

goteam Mon 16-Nov-15 19:47:52

Thanks new. I know what you mean and I do things that I wouldn't do n a new relationship like sit around in jogging bottoms on my iPad! Probably not that attractive either.

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