Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

MIL and photo's of our children.

(19 Posts)
Pollyputthekettleon45 Mon 16-Nov-15 12:17:51

I don't know if I may be being a bit unreasonable here so I need a bit of help and somewhere to let this out as I have no one really to talk to in real life who isnt on a 'side'

We have been NC with MIL for over 2 years. Get the random text here and there. She is blocked from contacting me and DH on social media after she decided to vent on there to me and threaten me.

Found our last week from a family member that she's been on another family members profile, who she doesnt know, taken pictures of my children with her phone and have been showing people pictures of them. These pictures was a display picture.

It's just really weirded (is that a word?) me out? How on earth does she introduce them? confused she's boasted about how she's managed to do it as she's blocked by her son and myself. She must of really done some investigating.

My family member knows what happens and has offered to upload the emails from MIL to her Facebook so everyone can see how little she thought of them when we did see her! grin Of course that was a joke and she's blocked her now.

It's just a bit weird confused

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 16-Nov-15 12:23:29

My mother did similar and has pictures of me and my dc up in her living room.

I was furious to begin with, but then I realised that it is all she has.

I have the laughter, fun, cuddles and all the rest of it, and she has a couple of photos and a story to tell with so many holes in it it looks like a slice of leerdammer.

Let her have the grainy photo of your dc on her phone, you have the real thing.

PirateSmile Mon 16-Nov-15 12:25:13

There's nothing you can do and I really wouldn't give it a moment's thought. if your MIL wants to pretend to people she has a healthy relationship withe her GC then that's up to her. You know the truth and that's all that's important.

GastonsChestHair Mon 16-Nov-15 12:25:32

It is weird. And something I've experienced myself. My father (haven't seen him since I was 12) had a friend of his print out pictures of my children from my husband's Facebook profile for him. The friend is a woman who he knows from the pub he drinks at, that's also how my husband knows her. It used to be his local before he moved in with me.

It left me outraged. And I told him and her exactly how odd they are. But then I thought about it and realised how bloody sad and pathetic the man is. I pity him. It must be a shit life that he has no children and grandchildren because of his own actions. He'll die a very lonely old man. Good.

Minniemagoo Mon 16-Nov-15 12:27:30

We are NC with my mother and she is similar. It's all about the appearances to neighbours/friends etc. My DB and his wife had a baby last year and she has tried very hard to get a pic, no real interest in actually meeting baby. Similar with my kids, one is a national champion in their sport and she has never been to an event but was dying to get a pic and stands at her gate telling all the neighbours how proud she is etc. My childhood friend keeps me updated but tbh I don't care.
It just shows me what a sad person she really is. Most people see through it.
Don't give her the head space, let her at it.

Pollyputthekettleon45 Mon 16-Nov-15 12:36:09

People know she doesn't see them or us. The family member who let us know, knows someone who has seen the pictures and they informed my family member, and said she doesn't deserve any pictures of them.

That's was made me feel, tbh embarrassed for her. She's shown these grainy photos of her grandchildren from a social media profile, off a women she doesn't know, to people who know she doesn't see them and then boasted where she's got them from because her son and his wife have blocked her. That's just weird!! She's TOLD people that.

SelfLoathing Mon 16-Nov-15 12:38:31

If you have pictures of your children on face book, anyone could be looking at them. If you don't want people you can't control looking at pictures of your children don't put them on Facebook. Your MIL is the least of the problem.

It doesn't matter what your privacy settings are; wn the hat matters is your FB "friends" privacy setttings and how reliable your FB "friends" are.

EG.Your "friends'" new bf who you have never met turns out to have paedophile inclinations and was wanking over the photos of your kids semi-naked on the beach - as her FB password is stored on her phone/PC.

It amazes me how lax people are about online privacy and how indignant they become when there is some use/access they don't consent to.

Pollyputthekettleon45 Mon 16-Nov-15 12:43:35

Minnie that's exactly like my MIL!

She made a massive song and dance about not getting to see the DC over Christmas and birthday. Didn't even send her a card, or even text to wish her happy birthday. She instead aired how upset she was over Facebook so everyone could see how hard done by she is.

Ooh if they only knew. I have YEARS of emails from her that proves exactly where the DCs came in her list of priorities.

Pollyputthekettleon45 Mon 16-Nov-15 12:48:51

None of my photos are public. I don't upload pictures of my children. These were from a family wedding so had a few 'group'ones with of course my DCS in them.

NoMilkNoSugar Mon 16-Nov-15 12:50:52

I understand where you are coming from. We had a family member who we were NC with, admit to us, whilst we were in the midst of building bridges, that she has photos of our children for her family bible. I had never met her before and was furious that she thought this was ok. But it was DPs side of he family and we needed to be on friendly terms, so nothing was ever said. However it has all but destroyed the relationship we have with the person who gave them the photographs. They had gone to the effort of going to the shop and getting them printed before presenting them to our NC relative, whilst knowing fully well we weren't in contact.

NoMilkNoSugar Mon 16-Nov-15 12:53:40

I suppose it depends on your relationship with MIL, you are NC for good reason. You have every right to demand the photos back of your children, or you can leave it knowing that people can see through her caring grandmother façade.

Baconyum Mon 16-Nov-15 12:57:58

Totally weird!

Imagine what the people she's telling are thinking! Chances are they're thinking she's a loon who they're going to avoid as much as possible so her actions are going to leave her even more alone!

CaoNiMao Mon 16-Nov-15 12:58:25

Is it just me, or was the world better before Facebook?

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Mon 16-Nov-15 13:03:53

It's weird, but it isn't doing you or your children any harm.

Some of your family members sound like shit-stirrers. In future, tell them you're not interested in talking about or hearing about your MIL.

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 16-Nov-15 13:04:22

" She's shown these grainy photos of her grandchildren from a social media profile, off a women she doesn't know, to people who know she doesn't see them and then boasted where she's got them from because her son and his wife have blocked her. That's just weird!! She's TOLD people that."
You can just imagine the people she's boasting to looking around furtively for the nearest exit.

It is weird, OP. Very weird. On the plus side, everyone she shows the photos too will think so too.

Pollyputthekettleon45 Mon 16-Nov-15 13:06:59

If she was a lovely grandma who adored the children I would of happily printed them all off and put them in a frame, however she really does just deserve the grainy group photos she's got.

I think the thing that has wound me up is the slyness of it all. She texted DH a few days ago about about how much she misses him and she bets the girls are growing up into beautiful children..when she knows damn well how gorgeous they are because she's seen photos!

CactusAnnie Mon 16-Nov-15 13:57:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 16-Nov-15 14:13:47


I would consider further blocking her from your mobile phone numbers as well. If she can still make contact albeit via text message then that needs to be stopped as of today.

The type of behaviour that she is doing here is called hoovering; many dysfunctional people do this to try and draw their intended victims back into their web. They are often attempts to regain control over your behaviour. The message was certainly not sent out of any real concern for their wellbeing.

I sincerely hope your DH does not respond at all to his mother because contact to her is the reward. She is angling for a response.

Pollyputthekettleon45 Mon 16-Nov-15 20:57:08

Dh is a lot stronger than me, he can read the text and ignore it. He can let things go and move on. It's a relief for him that he doesn't have to deal with her.

I, on the other hand over think and worry. I have anxiety so it plays on my mind over and over, I go over different scinerios, if I said this, if we did that. It always happens this time of year..Christmas, Mothers day..whenever they're is a chance to play the vulnerable victim she swoops in. I give her way too much head space, she doesn't care or like me. The feeling is mutual. She has treated me like crap and it's the Un said things that play on my mind.

Now this with the pictures sad

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: