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next chapter

(8 Posts)
Lovelilies2 Sun 15-Nov-15 21:08:03

Namechanged in case 'he' has been following my threads (knows other username)

Just back from holiday from hell. Told him while we were away that I'm leaving once were home.

Been back a day, all jet lagged and I have morning sickness (9 weeks- yes I do realise now that we shouldn't have planned another baby but what's done is done).
I said we need to talk but he said he needs a day or 2 to get over het lag as he can't think straight.

I'm hoping to buy a house a few doors down from my mums, only saw it this morning. I'm going to get the ball rolling with that tomorrow even thought I've not officially 'left' yet.
Just come here for moral support really ... It's taken 2 and a half years for me to really see the light.

I'm scared but also excited

Lovelilies2 Sun 15-Nov-15 21:08:54

I have dd who's 10 from a previous relationship and ds who's nearly 2 with stb ex dp.

The holiday was for his brother's wedding and honeymoon (I know- weird they'd want us and the PILs on honeymoon)
The lot of them were just vile.
Sealed the deal really! True colours and all that.
I'm worried about our financial situation though.. We currently own a house in joint names.. He pays 80% of household costs as he earns a lot more than me. I'm borrowing the deposit for the new house from my DM in the hope that either he'll buy me out or we'll sell this house.
Currently sitting next to him on the sofa watching TV.. It feels surreal

Lovelilies2 Mon 16-Nov-15 07:56:08

Thanks for all the moral support!
When I've posted before about the problems I e been having I've been inundated with advice and lectures
And now I'm doing something about it... Nothing!
Very odd hmmsad

Inexperiencedchick Mon 16-Nov-15 08:11:56

Maybe people are busy.
I had threads where no one had posted.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Hopefully all practicalities will be sorted out.

Why have you decided to split up? How is he reacting to your decision?

Congratulations with your pregnancy

Stay strong flowers

Lovelilies2 Mon 16-Nov-15 10:49:04

Thank you In
I have to leave because he's not nice to DD and also can be abusive to me when drunk, and despite numerous promises to change, counselling etc etc and apparently was doing well but slipped up while we were away.

Inexperiencedchick Mon 16-Nov-15 11:55:03

You must be great mum to know that child always comes first. And I support you wholeheartedly on this occasion just due to fact he is not good to your DD.
There are mostly two choices people have:

1. Treat others with love and respect

2. Don't treat them well at all.

He knew when he was getting to know you at the beginning that you have a daughter from the previous rel., but still decided to treat your child as nonsense (don't get me wrong I don't know what he has done, but if you have decided to leave him it means you have evaluated and weighted out all +/-).

And drink problem is not a great place to raise kids...

I'm really sorry you are going through this...

Hope you will face everything bravely.

Good luck with everything. flowers

hellsbellsmelons Mon 16-Nov-15 13:44:39

Well done for getting a plan in place.
Get that exit sorted and get your DD away from this arsehole.
Your life will improve so much.
I hope you get the house near your mum, the support will be great.

MarkRuffaloCrumble Mon 16-Nov-15 13:51:41

Well done for making the leap. I know it takes a lot to get to the point where the fear of the unknown is still better than what you have!

Fwiw I tend to search on threads from the last 15 mins so if nobody answers your thread straight away it can get lost. No need to get snarky! wink

Will you definitely get a mortgage? I know your dm is helping with the deposit but have you checked that you'll be considered eligible if you're not a high earner? I take home £3k a month, but as part of it is child maintenance and part tax credits, as well as my wages, I can't get a mortgage alone and had to keep XH on mine.

Might renting work better as you might also get housing benefit to help you pay it? Or could you stay in the house you're in now and get stbxh to move out?

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