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Not sure if I should challenge friend about odd comment.

(10 Posts)
Mandatorymongoose Sun 15-Nov-15 16:43:56

An old friend has recently moved to where I live, I was excited to have her close by again and have been trying to include her in my social circle.

We were very close as teenagers and shared some very turbulent times with both of us suffering some difficult experiences. Over the intervening years we've always stayed in contact although haven't been particularly close.

There has been the odd drunken phone / text conversation usually initiated by her when she's been upset about something, which has referenced our shared past - usually along the lines of how great she thinks I am for coping so well and how things were worse for me (neither of those is necessarily true) and I know she's had some counselling. - So that's background.

Last night we were out with some of my friends and she made a comment to one of them that I was to blame for all her problems. I think it was said in a half joking way but not entirely. There was a bit of an awkward silence and then some laughter and a subject change.

Now I feel really bloody awkward, I'm not sure if I should try and speak to her about this? I don't really want to be held responsible for all of someone's problems! She contacts me and arranges things so she wants to be friends I think? Or maybe just leave it and forget it? But I'd rather she didn't say things like that to other people. And actually I also kind of want to check if she's ok!

I am a worrier and I always over analyse so please tell me if that's what I'm doing and I'll try and stop it.

Blodss Sun 15-Nov-15 16:46:28

Depends upon why she said it, as in what was the context of the conversation. You said she said it in a jokey way?

ImperialBlether Sun 15-Nov-15 16:46:39

Send her a text asking what she was on about.

lazycoo Sun 15-Nov-15 16:46:43

Id have a chat face to face to test her reaction when you bring up the comment and want to check a) what she meant by that and b) whether she is ok.

mum2mum99 Sun 15-Nov-15 16:52:35

If you don't raise it you will probably get all sorts of wrong ideas. Defo raise it something like: Could you please clarify what you meant when you said...
Then you can decide what to do. Good luck!

FoxesSitOnBoxes Sun 15-Nov-15 16:55:09

Is there background that you haven't mentioned? If I'd overheard a friend saying that if assume it was a joking comment unless I could think of a way that she could possibly think I'd caused any problems for her. I wouldn't give it a second thought.
Are you feeling uncomfortable because there could be something she was referring to?
For what it's worth, if there is something you think you may have done in the past and she was alluding to this then I think she's behaved v badly here.

Mandatorymongoose Sun 15-Nov-15 17:07:32

I don't know if I have done something or not.

I think that while I haven't done anything specific she might genuinely attach some blame to me? Or harbour some resentment maybe? Because she believes that I came out of our childhood unscathed despite suffering more and this makes her difficulty coping with it (it can't think of a word but not acceptable? ) but that's sort of guessing from bits and pieces she's said over the years.

The context of the conversation was about how we'd known each other for a long time. So it could have been a joke but it felt like there was an edge to it and it left an bit of atmosphere so I don't think that was just me.

dodobookends Sun 15-Nov-15 17:08:12

If the remark was a bit of a conversation-stopper and all your other friends were there too, then you probably do need to talk to her about it, and find out why she said it.

FoxesSitOnBoxes Sun 15-Nov-15 17:13:56

I agree, sounds like there is something there.. She needs to talk to you about it and not make odd comments like that in front of your friends. Sounds like she has some issues and that you have been a better friend to her than she has been to you.
Talk to her about it.

amarmai Sun 15-Nov-15 18:27:27

so you are integrating her into your friendship group and she is throwing a bomb into your relationships with your friends? Either find out what she meant by it by confronting her in front of select friends who were there and get them onside first = she may come up with utter bs or slink off backwards . Or do it one on one with your phone on record OR drop her like the stink bomb she is.She is not your friend any longer. She is jealous and envious and wants to pull you down.

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