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How do I gently tell my friend I'm annoyed and don't want to socialise with her again?

(123 Posts)
Shameandregret Sun 15-Nov-15 16:37:55

I typed out a long thread and it went kaput so here's a shorter version. My friend has let me down on nights out a few times recently. She has this habit of throwing herself at any man who pays me even the slightest but of attention. I haven't been bothered because I'm getting over my abusive marriage and I pretty much dislike and distrust all men so I just think fair play to her if that is what floats her boat. She gets off with said men and completely ignores me so I end up just going home. Again fine, have had other things to deal with.

Last night was different though, I've been bumping into this guy for a while. He's nice and last night made it clear (I think??) that he was interested. He was putting his arm round me, talking to me, putting his head on my shoulder etc. We moved to another pub and he and his friends followed us and sat with us, I went to the toilet. I came back and my friend was sat on his knee.

I got my coat and left because I'm not going to get into competition for a man with my friend and walked home alone. I was upset but thought I was being petty and silly. Then I got a text this morning off her that said 'I have a man sleeping in my bed haha'.

I don't know why but this has really pissed me off. I'm not willing to engage in this anymore and don't want to socialise with her again. I've been ignoring her today and I've had voicemails and texts from her so I feel like I should say something. Any ideas how I could word it without sounding like a complete moron? sad

GloriaHotcakes Sun 15-Nov-15 16:40:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iwantavuvezela Sun 15-Nov-15 16:42:39

That is not a good friend to do that to you. I am sorry, that would have pissed me off. I am sure someone else will pop in this thread and give you the perfect response.
But you need to let her know this behaviour is not what friends do to each other.
flowers

MovemberSucks Sun 15-Nov-15 16:42:48

"Sorry, I don't want to socialise with you any more because I'm a grown woman and you're a 15 yr old." grin

She didn't have him in her bed BTW, otherwise she wouldn't have phrased it that way.

TheCarpenter Sun 15-Nov-15 16:43:26

Just ignore. She's not worth the cost of a text message. Must be some crippling insecurity she has to need to do that.

He isn't either. Spent a night given you attention then ended up in bed with someone because they sat on his knee. All in the time it took you to use the toilet and wash your hand. Bugger him. They sound suited.

Good on you for walking off and knowing you're better than that. flowers

Shameandregret Sun 15-Nov-15 16:43:32

Yes I'd told her I thought he was nice. Obviously wasn't that nice!

lazycoo Sun 15-Nov-15 16:43:33

If she's a good friend, perhaps take a few days and see how you feel. Sometimes the words come more clearly once I've calmed down, I find. She sounds really awful to go out with. If you need to speak up, focus on how her throwing at men makes you feel but do expect to be called a spoilsport or worse.

lexigrey Sun 15-Nov-15 16:45:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 15-Nov-15 16:46:02

Why be gentle? She's behaved like an arsehole. Just tell her that you're viewing your friendship in a different light, and it's not a flattering one where she is concerned. And then don't see her again. She views your friendship as some kind of competition where you get to be the loser every time. You don't need to take part in that

YakTriangle Sun 15-Nov-15 16:47:47

Next time she asks if you want to go out, tell her you'd rather go with someone who doesn't deliberately throw herself at any man who looks in your direction because she's so desperate for attention. What a crappy friend.

pocketsaviour Sun 15-Nov-15 16:50:37

If I was you I'd just block her number from your phone. Unless you feel like sending one final text that says "God you really are a pathetic needy child. Your parents must have been AWFUL."

louisejxxx Sun 15-Nov-15 16:51:36

I would just say "sounds like you saved me if he was showing interest in me all night and then ended up going off with you" or something to that extent but with a bit more snap in it. I would then add "but on a serious note...I was actually interested in the guy!"

expatinscotland Sun 15-Nov-15 16:52:22

She's not a good friend. I would completely ignore her. If you feel compelled to say anything it would be, 'I don't care to socialise with you anymore. You throw yourself at any man who looks in my direction. Only an arsehole would do that. Goodbye.'

expatinscotland Sun 15-Nov-15 16:53:07

But I would just delete her from my life. She knows damn well what she is doing. It doesn't need pointed out to her. She's one of life's turds.

BertrandRussell Sun 15-Nov-15 16:53:38

He and she are both arseholes and you're better off without them.

MovemberSucks Sun 15-Nov-15 16:53:42

By the sound of her, if she had the man that you were interested in sleeping in her bed she would have sent you a photo of him sleeping. What she has texted is intended to make you think that it's a particular man, but if you call her on it in the future she can claim not to have lied because she only said 'a man'.

From his point of view, he has no reason to know what your traitorous friend is really like. If she plonked herself in his lap just in time for you to see it then he doesn't know that she's only doing it to wind you up. He probably thought it was just a meaningless bit of fun.

DraenorQueen Sun 15-Nov-15 16:54:21

I had a friend like this... it very quickly became less than amusing watching her fling herself at any man who showed her attention. Then one night a man paid me a rare bit of attention and made it clear he'd like to get to know me. When my friend clocked this she took me off to one side and asked me not to do anything with him because she "really liked him."

I kissed him and she went absolutely ballistic at me for being a shit friend. It was worth it though! grin

BolshierAryaStark Sun 15-Nov-15 16:54:36

I also don't understand the need to be gentle?
Simply tell her that kind of behaviour isn't something you're looking for in a friend so she can fuck off.
Please don't take her word for it that she slept with him, she may be talking absolute bollocks or it might be someone different, in which case you may blow something potentially good before it's had chance to start?

specialsubject Sun 15-Nov-15 16:55:34

in some ways she did you a favour; this guy was clearly not bothered whose knickers he got into, so now you know that he's the local bike and you can steer well clear.

good riddance to both of them.

mum2mum99 Sun 15-Nov-15 16:55:31

A friend? No way! She defo has a problem. I would confront her and let justify her shity behaviour. And you would be better off going our without her seriously!

Fairenuff Sun 15-Nov-15 16:56:10

I would text back 'which man?' as his friend was obviously there too.

Buttercup443 Sun 15-Nov-15 16:56:29

Sorry to hear this has happened to you OP.

I get the feeling she is doing this to hurt you and rile you.

Write back something innocuous like "Good for you. Glad you had fun xx"

Then block her from all social media and spam list her phone number and ignore her.

If she manages to get through to you or "bumps" into you just say to her: Look I just feel that we both want different things in life and I don't want to socialise with you anymore. I have made my decision please do not speak to me again.

Do not let her see that you were upset by her actions. Protect yourself

She is not a friend but highly toxic and she is clearly jealous of you hence the potential mate poaching.

FWIW, the right man wouldn't have sagged the bitch but there you go. Good luck!!

KeepOnMoving1 Sun 15-Nov-15 16:56:19

Did she even care that you left the pub alone? She's not a friend, dump her.

SuperFlyHigh Sun 15-Nov-15 16:56:59

This friend is no friend. Let her go.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe Sun 15-Nov-15 16:57:27

You should say 'Well I thought he quite liked me, he was certainly paying me loads of attention all evening, but it just goes to show that if he ended up with you after the second my back was turned left then he was clearly just out to for a shag and didn't really care who with, so I think I dodged a bullet there.'

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