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Xmas & birthdays for ex h....

(9 Posts)
Eey0reandp00bear2 Sun 15-Nov-15 08:00:23

What do you do about birthdays and Christmas cards/presents for ex h when there are dcs?? For the last two years my ex has bought a card and presents for me, as if we are still togetherhmm he doesn't mean well and isn't being nice - I left him for good reason, he was a bully and emotionally and physically abusive. I have previously bought a card for the dcs to write but this year I don't feel inclined to, I know that sounds mean but he isn't part of my life anymore, my mum takes dcs out to choose a card for my birthday. Am I being mean? The dcs aren't bothered - I think he has moaned at them suggesting they have forgotten his birthday, but it's not worried them. Any advice appreciated please smile

PennyHasNoSurname Sun 15-Nov-15 08:04:17

If they are old enough to go to the shop and buy their own then encourage them to do so. If they are too small for that then have them make one each?

I do think that the dcs should be encouraged to acknowledge their parents birthdays. It is a basic courtesy.

TooSassy Sun 15-Nov-15 08:05:56

By some arts and crafts stuff and have them make a card. It's what I am doing this Xmas.
Regarding presents, I've told the DC's that I will take them shopping (once) to buy him a joint present for Xmas from their pocket money.
I don't expect the same from him so my best friend is going to take my DC's to buy a little something for me.

Rivercam Sun 15-Nov-15 08:11:17

If he is still in your children's lives, I think you should buy a card and a token present (box of chocolates?).

Eey0reandp00bear2 Sun 15-Nov-15 08:15:55

Thank you - I am going to get dcs to do something and drop it off in time, one day after schoolsmile

BlissfullyUnknown Sun 15-Nov-15 08:21:10

You're kind. It isn't really your responsibility anymore but if nobody is willing to take on that responsibility from his side then for your children rather than him I'd get a card or get them to make one.

As for a present - no. I personally wouldn't unless the children are old enough to pay for one (and want to)

shouldwestayorshouldwego Sun 15-Nov-15 08:29:44

I send the dc into poundland with a pound each to choose things for dh not his only presents . They enjoy choosing and it is funny seeing their choices. Would that be a compromise?

Eey0reandp00bear2 Sun 15-Nov-15 08:33:13

I am going to ask dcs what they would like to dosmile there is a pound land nearby!

mintoil Sun 15-Nov-15 13:00:20

XH and I got around this by buying ourselves gifts for the DC to give us grin Now they are sodding great teens they can cough up and organise it themselves.

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