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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

my partner will not leave

(22 Posts)
woody56 Sat 14-Nov-15 16:00:12

My partner of 7/8 years will not leave my flat.
He's abuse and long periods of silence have
not ceased for any length of time over the last
3 years.
He treats me, like he owns my flat and all decsisions
are he's to make.
He has only ever contributed by buying the cheapest food
and renting he's beloved Sky tv.
I HAVE ASKED HIM TO LEAVE AND ALL HE'S SAY'S IS CALL THE POLICE THEN.
WHAT CAN I DO.?

He is 74 and has family up north.
I AM 66 but feel 80.

how do I legally remove him or can the police tell him to go.

tsonlyme Sat 14-Nov-15 16:04:30

If the flat is in your name then I'd call his bluff and go ahead with calling the police if he refuses to budge.

RaspberryOverload Sat 14-Nov-15 16:06:57

If the flat is in your name, he doesn't have any right to remain.

dodobookends Sat 14-Nov-15 16:10:10

Do you own the flat, or is it rented?

magoria Sat 14-Nov-15 16:11:03

Write him a letter giving him 28 days notice to leave.

If the flat is yours in your name and he has not claim on it change the locks when he is out.

Pack all his stuff up and have it ready to hand over.

Don't let him back in.

gallicgirl Sat 14-Nov-15 16:13:20

I'm not sure which will be best placed to help you but the phone number for Shelter is 0808 231 5165

Shelter's helpline is open 8am – 8pm on weekdays and 8am – 5pm on weekends, 365 days a year.

Alternatively, you could try Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247.

Do you own or rent the flat and is it solely in your name or joint names?

Best of luck.

FeckTheMagicDragon Sat 14-Nov-15 16:15:01

28 days is too long. A week, at most. He has no more right to remain than a lodger - except a lodger would pay rent.

Contact cab. Contact women's aid for advice (he's emotionally and financially abusive)
Do not tell him you are seeking help.

EliGold Sat 14-Nov-15 16:18:33

Call a housing solicitor to check the position. Initial call should be free. Police won't do anything I wouldn't have thought if you've lived together for years. They have no powers to.

woody56 Sat 14-Nov-15 16:21:14

Flat is owned by me outright. Thanks.

Arfarfanarf Sat 14-Nov-15 16:27:15

I am not a lawyer but i think that what you can do depends on whether he has his name on the flat.
If it is in your name only then yes. Get the police to help you if you give him notice and he won't go. If he isn't a joint tenant / on the mortgage then he has no right to live there. It's more a question of what is considered reasonable I believe. Re notice etc. But you do not have to let him live in your property If you don't want to. You have every right to tell him to leave.
If it is in joint names then I think it's a lengthier process.
Do you have a family member who can help you get him out?

TaintForTheLikesOfWe Sat 14-Nov-15 21:17:04

Wait until he goes out and change the locks. It really is that simple.

woody56 Sun 15-Nov-15 10:51:52

Thanks for all your answers ..

mintoil Sun 15-Nov-15 11:29:27

Yes, if flat is solely in your name, you have repeatedly asked him to leave and he refuses, you are not married, then you simply change the locks and leave his stuff outside.

If you want to be really nice I wouldn't then you can warn him that he has to leave by Wednesday.

If he starts thumping on the door causing a fuss, you call the police. You will have to make it very clear that you do not want him in your home and consider him an intruder. He has no more right to love there than I do OP.

I wish you luck flowers

mintoil Sun 15-Nov-15 11:29:56

live there not love there. Doesn't sound like there's much loving going on!

NettleTea Sun 15-Nov-15 11:31:39

yes, agree, you CAN call the police if he wont go, and if he causes any trouble then that will be his responsibility for whatever action they may take - dont let him try to pass that blame or guilt onto you.

NettleTea Sun 15-Nov-15 11:32:06

you could always call 101, the non emergency number, and ask for their advice

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 15-Nov-15 13:49:35

You might feel like you have no recourse because of his long-standing abuse, but you do.

The property is in your sole name. You are not married. Therefore he only has the right to live there on your say-so. He has no legal right to live in you home, any more than a lodger would. And a lodger can be asked to leave with "reasonable" notice, and they have to go, no question.

You need to make it clear that he is no longer welcome in YOUR HOME and after X date if he hasn't gone you will pack his stuff up and leave it on the doorstep, and the locks will be changed. And if he won't go you'll ask the police to remove him.

If you need moral support to get this louse out of your home and out of your life give Womans Aid a call. Do not rely on the police to understand your position as they are experts in criminal law and this is a civil matter.

Aliceinwonderlust Sun 15-Nov-15 13:54:20

The only thing you should do
Is change the locks. Legal letters and so on are a waste of time. Change the locks (get a Chubb) and call the police if he turns nasty. Is there an opportunity when he goes out? Would he maybe even go out for the day?

I would think a little about where he is going to go, because they more impossible that is for him the harder he'll make It for you. So if it's late at night can you book him a travel lodge or arrange for his family to collect him?

BaronessSamedi Sun 15-Nov-15 16:34:52

call the police.

GastonsChestHair Sun 15-Nov-15 16:38:47

His shit would be out the window faster than he could blink if it was me Op. He has no right to remain in your house. Don't be afraid of him anymore. Call his bluff.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Sun 15-Nov-15 17:16:21

Personally,

1) Speak to the Police, they will assist you.

2) Does he ever go out? Wait for him to go out, change the locks (or at least put the chain on and call a locksmith if you don't feel you can do it yourself) and don't let him back in.

3) Cancel Sky.

4) Sprinkle chilli powder on his underpants

He has no legal right to remain OP, it is up to you whether to give notice or not.

timelytess Sun 15-Nov-15 21:41:56

Do speak to the Police for advice before trying again to throw him out. This is because some men turn very nasty. It would be much better if the police could send a community support person round to be there when you tell him its time to go.

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