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Invited to stay over near my male friend

(11 Posts)
bridie69 Fri 13-Nov-15 13:07:51

Hi-hope you are all having a good day. I posted a few times about a new male friend whom I met abroad who I probably would be going out with now were it not for the fact he lives in Ireland and I here. We've got to know each other pretty well now and had a few mutual visits, although we've never stayed over in the same house iyswim. We are always talking about everything on the phone (he loves to talk) and of course discuss where we want our friendship to go, whether we could or should live closer to each other in the future. In some ways it is the slowest developing relationship/friendship I have ever known, in a good way. I really enjoy visiting Ireland and have by now got quite a few friends there, that I met in different ways. My next visit is imminent. I kind of get the feeling he would like me to stay over in his house (separate rooms would be fine by him and he is a total gent, but he has "arranged" for me to stay in his friend's house locally which is vacant. He probably thinks that I would be scared or something if he suggested staying with him, which I wouldn't. I want to in fact. But I don't really feel comfortable saying so myself. Not much of a dilemma I know compared to some peoples, but thought Id see what you all thought.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 13-Nov-15 13:14:59

Has he just offered you the house, or did he invite you to stay with him but offer the house if you weren't comfortable?

If the former, I'd stay in the house and perhaps invite him to stay the night when you're there if you want too.

FelicityGubbins Fri 13-Nov-15 13:23:43

Just say that you wouldn't feel right staying in a friend of a friend's vacant house and would it be possible for you to use his spare room instead?

Northernnights Fri 13-Nov-15 13:27:43

Felicity has it!

Cabrinha Fri 13-Nov-15 16:05:36

Why don't you feel comfortable suggesting it?
If you can work out why, maybe you can have the conversation that you need to move past it.
Personally if I went overseas to visit someone in a dating situation, we'd be in the same bed that night - but that's me, and whilst I'm not saying you should do that, it does concern me that you don't feel comfortable suggesting what you want.

lalalonglegs Fri 13-Nov-15 16:13:28

It all sounds a bit odd - why wouldn't he assume that you would be scared to stay in his house? The friendships sounds very intense not to have a romantic/sexual element but neither of you seem to want/be able to move it on. Are you from very religious backgrounds? Has he visited you? Do you each have similar friendships with other people?

kerbs Fri 13-Nov-15 16:16:23

Hello bridie I'd go along with his arrangements. You can sleep wherever the evenings take you as things progress or not. It might be nice to have a bolt hole.

Any news on the nice neighbour? Not a dull moment with you. wink

lalalonglegs Fri 13-Nov-15 16:16:33

Why would he assume...

bridie69 Fri 13-Nov-15 21:10:01

Ok thanks for the posts. He did train as a priest in his 20s. He is not observant now. I am thinking go for the separate house option then bring it up maybe one day we can kind of sleep in the same house....I will in no way make it clear I very much want to have my womanly way with him ASAP. ..

CalleighDoodle Fri 13-Nov-15 21:18:23

Ah a failed priest! Ive 'known' a couole of those wink.

Cabrinha Fri 13-Nov-15 21:28:34

Why won't you make that clear to him?
I think you should be honest.
And if he says that's too fast for him, fine, you don't act on it. But you should be able to SAY it.

I suppose it may be culturally different in a Catholic country, but tbh I'd be suspicious about a young man and the priesthood. It's not common to decide you can live without sex. Could he be asexual? And keeping you at arm's (house!) length to cover for that?

It's perfectly normal not to rush a sexual relationship but I think it's pretty odd to not offer you the spare room.

And if you want a good long term relationship you should feel able to be honest. The world shouldn't fall apart if one knows the other is keen to have sex, but as a couple the pace is being kept slow.

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