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Wasted my life on a arsehole!

(24 Posts)
Confused2015xxx Thu 12-Nov-15 17:04:14

Basically dated someone who was bad news and wasted years on him.
I'm now 29 and no kids and desperately want them but I think I've left it too late :-(
I'm scared all the years I've wasted.
People say early 20s are best years to have kids and here I am 29.
Have I left it too late for a baby.
I mean I'm single ..been on a couple of dates with someone but not exactly in a position to ask him to have a baby wink

AliceInUnderpants Thu 12-Nov-15 17:08:15

Providing your fertility is good, you could still easily have 15 years to have a baby.

Confused2015xxx Thu 12-Nov-15 17:13:53

That scares me as well.
What if my fertility isn't good.
You don't know till you try.
I read stories of women having problems.

LucySnow12 Thu 12-Nov-15 17:29:05

Don't stress yourself. I had my first at 37 and second at 40. No problem conceiving. I think 30's are a great time to have kids. Kids take an emotional toll on you. I can't imagine having had the wherewithal to be a parent when I was in my twenties. I was still sorting myself out. Enjoy your life and make the most of not having the responsibility of children. I love my kids but I would say 80% of raising kids is drudgery.

badtime Thu 12-Nov-15 17:31:00

I know almost nobody who had children before their mid-thirties, and absolutely nobody who had children more than a year younger than you. I really don't think you need to worry about having left it too late!

Salene Thu 12-Nov-15 17:32:37

I didn't meet my husband till my early 30's I'm 36 now with a 1 year old talking about trying for no 2.

Don't worry your shelf isn't dusty yet. You still have time smile

Joysmum Thu 12-Nov-15 17:34:47

The average age for a first child is 30 so I'm not sure how many people think early 20's is best. Most of my friends hadn't even got together by their early 20's confused

Fairylea Thu 12-Nov-15 17:41:30

You've still got time.

I was divorced by 29 with a dd and I then met my now dh online and we have been married years now and have a son together.

Don't give up hope, just make sure you meet lots of people!

Pipestheghost Thu 12-Nov-15 17:45:07

I had my last dc at 40, you've got plenty of time smile

EverythingsShinyCaptnNotToFret Thu 12-Nov-15 17:46:53

Started dating my lovely DH at 29, married at 32, DC1 at 37, DC2 at 40 and DC3 at 43. So don't write yourself off yet.

Mishaps Thu 12-Nov-15 17:52:32

Not a total waste - you will have learned lots and that acquired wisdom will help you in the next stage of your life.

I did not have a babe till I was 26 - and that was in the days when anyone over about 20 having a babe was considered old! Two of my DDs did not start their families till long after your very young age.

Chin up - the future is yours now you have ditched the nitwit. You are just readjusting and getting in a fret. The world is now your oyster.

Confused2015xxx Thu 12-Nov-15 18:11:51

That makes me feel so much better.
All my friends have kids and when friends of friends ask there response is "awwww really I'm so sorry"
As if it's a crime that I haven't got any yet.

SerenityReynolds Thu 12-Nov-15 18:17:54

I got married at 31, had DD at just turned 33 and will be having DC2 a few weeks before my 36th birthday. You probably have a slightly skewed view of things as it sounds like most if your friends have had kids in their twenties, but far better for you to wait a bit than have had children with a guy who turned out to be an arse!

Confused2015xxx Thu 12-Nov-15 18:22:40

My best friends child is 12 she had Him when she was 16 and I think that's why I feel my time has been and gone.
Feeling more positive now tho.

AliceInUnderpants Thu 12-Nov-15 18:34:30

I'm sure there are private tests you can done to check on your fertility levels if that would help you with your concern.

Wibhay Thu 12-Nov-15 18:40:04

Hey I'm 33 and desperate to have children. I have just broken up with OH and feel I have wasted years and am getting too old but you have to be positive. You are still young and have plenty of years left.

Honey, you need a better class of friends. And do the Freedom Programme. Whilst we all admire your ability to spot a loser, and applaud you for shedding him (yay you!!! fgrin ), your pressure (internal monologue and the afore-mentioned class of friends) to have a child puts you at risk of the next loser looking better than being childless at the decrepit age of - gasp! - 30.

BTW, I conceived my DC1&only when I was 7 days shy of 45 (45!!! I win! fgrin ) and had a perfectly fine pregnancy and a lovely, healthy baby.

wannabestressfree Thu 12-Nov-15 18:53:21

'Better class of friend' nice....hmm

puglife Thu 12-Nov-15 18:53:33

I was single on my 30th birthday after a string of really bad relationships. Met someone... A year later we were married and I'm now pregnant. I'll be 32 when I give birth. It'll happen.. Though I do know how you feel!

Chottie Thu 12-Nov-15 19:15:29

You're still young, you have years ahead of you. Look ahead and have the life you deserve smile

AmnesiaSocks Fri 13-Nov-15 09:49:27

OP, currently pregnant with my first baby at 37. Happened first bang too , pun intended :-). It is more likely that you have time than not.

Purpleboa Fri 13-Nov-15 09:52:51

Found myself single at 28, was convinced I was too old to start again. Wasted three years on an emotionally toxic relationship with a loser. Met my now DH at 32, first baby at 35 and hoping to have another. Time is most definitely on your side!

Purpleboa Fri 13-Nov-15 09:54:33

Also, Preemptive makes an excellent point - if you're stressing about settling down, you open yourself up to attracting another bad relationship. That happened to me, and I regret it.

RaisedByWolves Fri 13-Nov-15 10:07:44

Definitely not too late

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Instead of thinking you've wasted that time on a useless man, (which will make you bitter and achieve nothing of benefit to you) try to think what you may have learned from this. What good things came to you in your 20's because of your ling relationship? Life's lessons are invaluable!

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