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My life is sinking fast

(7 Posts)
mrsrabbitsays Thu 12-Nov-15 07:18:06

Going through very messy separation. I have 3 children aged 8,7 and 10. Husband didn't want to leave, I said I was fed up with controlling behaviour about money and cleaning combined with having feelings for somebody I work with.
He's now moving out on Monday but things have gone crazy. He has called the police saying I hit him. I did lash out in an argument but only touched his head. This was after a scuffle with a mobile phone in which he grabbed my wrists. It happened in front of my daughter. Yesterday I spent an hour talking to social services who say that I am a victim of emotional abuse. I am frightened about the future as I can't see happiness. I am worried about having 3 very hyper children, working full time and being in an area where I know hardly anyone. My alternative is to stay with husband but we continually argue and I can't really get over the fact that he reported me to the police.
Any advice?

TheGirlFromIpanema Thu 12-Nov-15 07:22:20

Carry on with plans to leave. That way your life will improve in time, whereas staying with him won't.
flowers and hugs.

It's hard and lonely at times, but you will be free and happy again before long.

anotherbloomingusername Thu 12-Nov-15 07:25:25

Only to hang in there. It seems scary, but I actually found dealing with the kids on my own was easier than trying to share care in a dysfunctional relationship. They calmed down quite quickly, although not without a few hiccups.

I know it's not the main focus of your post, but you mentioned having feelings for a co-worker. Just be careful there and take things slow. The problem with being in a dysfunctional relationship is that it makes you vulnerable to anybody who says the right things...

Lweji Thu 12-Nov-15 07:28:28

You're doing well in leaving him.

And your "hyper" children will probably also hugely benefit from a calmer and happier environment.

Having said that, and although I understand and know how an abusive partner can drive you to distraction, don't wrestle him, don't hit him, and don't resent him from calling the police if you do hit him.
You do call the police if he takes your phone or grabs your wrists, though.
Don't engage until he moves out. As he is abusive, this is the most dangerous time for you. Be careful.
If he doesn't, consider moving out yourself or force him to leave. You can get urgent residency/restraining orders from the court.

TheEnemy123 Thu 12-Nov-15 11:15:06

You've done so well OP. Don't change your mind at this point because it sounds like there's a lot more to it that's caused you to arrive at this point in the first place.

Best of luck.

ImperialBlether Thu 12-Nov-15 12:32:26

Don't jump into another relationship, though. Take some time away from men for a while, otherwise your children will be really confused.

Threefishys Thu 12-Nov-15 13:15:50

What happened to the guy at work?

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