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I can't see a future at all.

(47 Posts)
wynkenblinkennod Wed 11-Nov-15 22:43:27

Hello there

Am going through a divorce, after being with my ex for 32 years. Am now 49 years old, we have been separated for 2 1/2 years, no contact at all. Sometimes I am ok but sometimes I am really not and I am not sure how I can go on because sometimes just sometimes I hear something about him or a memory hits me and tbh its like a punch in the chest. I have felt like my right arm has been missing. He left me for a wealthy ow. And now he is getting a dog with her, they have been getting a rabbit and a cat too but somehow hearing about the dog has upset me? Laughable really how I am upset about it, as I am not sure myself why I am?
Sorry, this probably is not making sense but am feeling very low tonight.

TinyDancer69 Wed 11-Nov-15 23:18:47

Oh OP I didn't want to read and run. I can only imagine how painful that must be for you. Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to? Life can be so horribly unfair sometimes. Happy times will lie ahead - it's still early days for you so be kind and gentle to yourself. flowers

wynkenblinkennod Wed 11-Nov-15 23:19:46

Loneliness is a killer

SuckingEggs Wed 11-Nov-15 23:21:32

Is there any way you can prevent this kind of news coming your way? Blocking FB, telling people you'd rather not hear about him, etc?

I'm sorry to hear your pain. It must be a dreadful shock after such a long marriage. ODAAT.

SuckingEggs Wed 11-Nov-15 23:22:22

And, sounds silly but can you put talk radio on for a bit? It might ease the silence?

DioneTheDiabolist Wed 11-Nov-15 23:22:29

OP, nothing you have said is "laughable".sad

Are you still in touch?

SuckingEggs Wed 11-Nov-15 23:23:03

(That's not meant to sound trite; I apologise if it does!)

Epilepsyhelp Wed 11-Nov-15 23:23:36

Since you were 15! I can't imagine how that must feel OP, I'm so sorry.

You sound like you're being so brave, that's such a difficult thing to hear about. Maybe it's the level of commitment that suggests, a dog is a big thing to do. Not helpful I know, I just mean I can see why you're upset.

wynkenblinkennod Wed 11-Nov-15 23:25:27

Ooops sorry cross post TinyDancer.
Yes I do but feel I cant now keep talking about it as that is all I did in the beginning. Have had counselling, am on ad's and like I said sometimes I am ok but sometimes I am not and sometimes when I am not I just want to end this life. I dont want to live it anymore. And that scares me too. I honestly cannot see a future.

Ledkr Wed 11-Nov-15 23:27:21

How do you know about his life with ow?
Unless you have kids or finances tied up with him then the best way to get over him is to cut yourself off from all knowledge of him. I used to stop people in mid sentence if they started to tell me about my xh and the ow.
You should make plans to do something nice so that you can look forward to it when u feel fed up.

SuckingEggs Wed 11-Nov-15 23:27:47

Have you had good cbt?

wynkenblinkennod Wed 11-Nov-15 23:27:54

Yes getting a dog is a big commitment, and yes I was with him from 15 years old. It still hurts and I think I am turning into a bitter old hag.

MyMoneyIsAllSpent Wed 11-Nov-15 23:28:22

I divorced at about 58. I know my ex has someone else, whereas I have no intention of getting into another relationship whatsoever!

So they are getting a dog! Well, what is stopping you from getting a dog, or a cat or a rabbit? Would you want to do that? What is it that you would like to do?

I got rid of my ex and got two cats and I have to say that I am so much happier smile Although I admit I am sometimes lonely, but truthfully, I would rather feel lonely than have to go through all the negative and painful feelings that I went through when in that relationship.

I radically changed career and regularly do courses to improve my skills. Stop thinking about him, about the past. Live your own life smile flowers

wynkenblinkennod Wed 11-Nov-15 23:31:30

I have grown up children and I have asked them not to tell me anything but sometimes it slips out.
I have a lovely grandaughter, my daughter was pregnant when all this happened. All the devastation. And I look after my grandaughter on my own. There is no other grandparents, its hard and lonely at times.

TinyDancer69 Wed 11-Nov-15 23:34:05

OP - you really must tell your Dr how you are feeling. Or even call Samaritans? This hideous time WILL pass and the sun will shine for you again. Your ex is really not worthy of your pain or your life. Keep talking to us

wynkenblinkennod Wed 11-Nov-15 23:34:56

I got a dog myself when he left, mainly to help my youngest daughter as she was studying for exams at that time and she was a mess too.
I have tried so hard to live my life, but am feeling very dragged down right now.

wynkenblinkennod Wed 11-Nov-15 23:41:01

Samaritans dont help but thank you anyway.
I have tried really hard to live my life. I am doing something now that I never imagined myself doing, and I am passionate about it but I miss him. I do not think my heart will ever heal. It is so badly broken and scarred. It has literally shattered. Next year I would have been married 30 years, I just dont know how to get by this. I dont think I can take any more pain.

Handywoman Wed 11-Nov-15 23:44:18

It's ok to feel this way. You will of course feel sad and lonely at times. Other times you won't. That's ok.

Imagine Wonder Dog peeing on the sofa or chewing up an expensive pair of his shoes. Laugh. Let the feelings come - and then let them go.

What can you do to look after you - run a bath? I just had a g&t

My ex is the biggest twat and I'm delighted to bit be with him. But for a spell I felt lonely tonight too.

Allow yourself to feel it X

ChristinaParsons Wed 11-Nov-15 23:46:03

I know how you feel. It is hard. Did you have children together?

wynkenblinkennod Wed 11-Nov-15 23:47:59

Yes I know he is a twat Handy, so many people have told me I am better off without him after how he has treated me but the mind and heart dont match unfortunately.

wynkenblinkennod Wed 11-Nov-15 23:50:15

Yes 2 grown up children and a 2 year old grandaughter. He sees them for a few hours every 4 - 6 weeks. He moved away without telling them where he was going.

wynkenblinkennod Wed 11-Nov-15 23:56:51

I actually think you can die of a broken heart, and I dont want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me crumble again, I really dont and I have fought and fought to live but am tired of fighting. I am tired, lonely and all I see us black.

ChristinaParsons Thu 12-Nov-15 00:19:01

I have felt like you many times. If it hadn't been for my children, family and friends I would have been laid on the train tracks. I got sick of people telling me I would get over it and I don't think I ever will 100%. I will always mourn what we had together but it's gone. Please look to the future tell your children how you feel I'm sure they would love to help you. You can't be strong all the time

Epilepsyhelp Thu 12-Nov-15 00:19:58

My mum lost my dad the year before their 30th wedding anniversary and she felt the same blackness. You can come out the other side OP and you really will, just hang on. Just keep taking a few steps at a time.

You only get one life and you have so much of it left and it still has so much happiness to come. Your kids need you too, they've suffered so much from their dad.

wynkenblinkennod Thu 12-Nov-15 01:00:16

I was a mess when he left. Broken, desperate. And I dont want my children to see that again. I do not want to go back there, I promised them I wouldnt. It was shock, hurt, betrayal, trauma. But I dont know how to go forward. My children couldnt do this again with me. I think they would walk away.
I am so sorry Christina and Epilepsy for your pain too. I would never wish this on anyone.

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