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I'm 28, he's 52. I'm in love and don't know what to do

(330 Posts)
Hellobearbear Wed 11-Nov-15 21:29:42

Just that really.

I've never felt so connected to someone or so attracted.

I want kids, he is prepared to do this, and he already has two of his own.

My heart literally aches for him when I'm not with him.

Is it naive to think I wouldn't find this again with someone younger? I feel like he is my soulmate. But I don't want to look back in ten years and wonder if I made the wrong choice. I don't know what to do.

BloodontheTracks Wed 11-Nov-15 21:35:41

Honestly? Unless he's married now, maybe do it a bit then get out. If you don't and hold back you're going to fool yourself this is the great love of your life and you'll actually waste years pining, when the truth is this is a love affair with an older man that a lot of people need to go through, realise the problems, then move on from.

But if he's married and this is an affair you're thinking of taking seriously, run, seriously, run. Take it from one who knows. It will fuck your life. No no go go. You'd be mad.

you're already posting on a forum so you're clearly not that sure. You're 28, I deeply regret not being with someone my own age back then. It was such a waste of youth.

NorthernLurker Wed 11-Nov-15 21:36:05

Well do you want to marry a man 24 years older than you?

You love him, he wants kids which are two big things people normally consider. You need to consider as well that when you are 40 he will be 64 - which is probably no big deal but when you are 50 he will be 74 which may be. But there are always things to weigh up.

The bottom line is you could spend another 5-10 years looking for someone you love like this and still not find them. Or you could spend those years having babies and living with a man you adore.

Hellobearbear Wed 11-Nov-15 21:38:15

It's an affair at the moment. Never done anything like this in my life but feel so deeply in love with him.

Thanks for feedback

BloodontheTracks Wed 11-Nov-15 21:39:24

Nope nope nope get out seriously nope.

Getit Wed 11-Nov-15 21:41:02

So being the other woman isn't something to be proud of angry
You sound immature
Grow up and get a bloke that isn't attached

christmasmum Wed 11-Nov-15 21:41:17

My father in law married a woman 25 years younger. They had a son together and all seemed well - right up until he retired and she realised she was now married to an OAP while she was still young. They wanted utterly different things socially (right for both of them, but not as a couple). They went through a hideous divorce and she told me that if it wasn't for her son she would hugely regret ever getting with him and missing out on the chance to meet someone she could grow old with.

LynetteScavo Wed 11-Nov-15 21:41:56

If he thought you were his soul mate it wouldn't be an affair.

Does he really want to have more kids at his age? He'll be in his 70's when they start uni.

It's not the age difference that's the problem here....

whirlybird42 Wed 11-Nov-15 21:42:16

Oh yuck, don't enable some bloke's mid life crisis.
See this for the grubby affair that it is.

Hellobearbear Wed 11-Nov-15 21:42:18

I never said I was proud of it?

Jo4040 Wed 11-Nov-15 21:42:56


PragmaticWench Wed 11-Nov-15 21:43:40

My uncle was 50 when he met his 25 year old girlfriend. They were soulmates, married and were happy. A veye large age gap has challenges, as do many relationships. Perhaps you could have some counselling, to give you a calm place to explore your thoughts? I don't mean that in a negative way, but it could be a place to think it through away from the excitement of him.

WitchWay Wed 11-Nov-15 21:43:54

He is someone else's man. This is not your decision angry

Have you any idea what you're actually doing?

He will shag around & leave you too in the end

PacificDogwod Wed 11-Nov-15 21:44:20

Tell him he is the love of you life.

Tell him you want to be with him forever.

Tell him you can only be with him if he leaves his wife.
And then stop seeing him until he does.

He won't.

Don't waste your life on a cheater.

Justmuddlingalong Wed 11-Nov-15 21:45:10

I've never found lying, deceiving, sneaky behaviour particularly attractive. Call me fussy...

Getit Wed 11-Nov-15 21:45:18

Well said!! pacific

PragmaticWench Wed 11-Nov-15 21:45:45

Just seen that you're having an affair. Seriously, just stop it, he has children.

fastdaytears Wed 11-Nov-15 21:46:39

Not going to have a go at you.

But this won't make you happy. The absolute, complete and utter opposite. Please, please run.

Someone will make you happy but it's not going to be this man. You will be ok when you can get some distance between you and him. wine

Ladywithababy1 Wed 11-Nov-15 21:47:19

Totally agree with Pacific - it sounds like he is saying what you want to hear in order for the affair to continue on his terms. Has he said he will leave his wife and kids (sad) for you?

Muckogy Wed 11-Nov-15 21:47:25

Oh dear. Prepare youself for deep and profound unhappiness if you proceed with this. I can imagine how you feel but you should walk away. You know you should.

Hellobearbear Wed 11-Nov-15 21:47:32

Thanks fastday.

It's so hard, love him so much.

ZenNudist Wed 11-Nov-15 21:48:18

You will get a lot of flak because if this is real you just don't know what you're getting into. Other posters with a lot more life experience than you will understand what is really happening and how it could easily fuck up the lives of everyone involved, especially yours.

Plus if he's still with his wife, presumably teenage kids you've got a long way to go before you get your 'happy ending'... Good luck with that.

Waltermittythesequel Wed 11-Nov-15 21:48:26

Did you deliberately start it as a different type of thread so you wouldn't get shit for it?

PacificDogwod Wed 11-Nov-15 21:48:57

Helio, I would love to be wrong, but seriously, stop seeing him until he leaves his wife.
If he does, good luck to you.

It is not fair or right, but as he is not able to do the right thing here, you have to to protect yourself thanks

janethegirl2 Wed 11-Nov-15 21:49:01

A 24 year age gap is a bit too much.

If you have children they could be in their teens when he is in his 70s.

He could be your dad.

However as a short term relationship I don't think there's an issue but long term I think you could have many problems.

I have a dd in her mid 20s and I'd give her the same advice.

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