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I want to run away

(9 Posts)
Towelonthedoor Wed 11-Nov-15 18:12:57

Ok I won't run away as such but I feel like this. Me and dh married 12 years. Past year or so I have felt nothing from him. Dh has high stress job. He doesn't show me affection, won't even sit on same sofa at night. No sexual contact for past year, I've tried to encourage him but I've failed.
I feel so trapped! I work 20 hours a week in a school and earn terrible money. Checked on turn2us and I wld end up with a total of £12k a year including my wages.
I grew up with just dm and we we're really poor. I don't think I can swop one hell for another. Is there anything I'm missing?
I've suggested therapy but he refuses to go. He has a comfortable life and wants me to just go along with it. Sorry for whiny post, no one to talk to.

Hurr1cane Wed 11-Nov-15 18:18:44

I'm rubbish at this sort of advice but didn't want to read and run. Hoping to bump for you so someone
More useful might come along

MidnightVelvetthe4th Wed 11-Nov-15 18:22:37

Sorry to hear this OP, a life without intimacy must be shitty!

Bottom line, if money wasn't a problem then would you leave? I have no experience of turn2us but are there any benefits you would be eligible for? Are you sure the situation is as bleak as you think?

Money is not everything, its certainly not a substitute for a loving relationship. He's refusing to change & he's telling you very clearly that he's happy as he is & you just have to go along with it. Regardless of money do you still want to be in this position in 20 years?

ALaughAMinute Wed 11-Nov-15 18:46:29

It sound an intolerable situation. Do you want to leave him? Do you have any DC's to consider?

PurplePoppy17 Wed 11-Nov-15 18:52:47

Sorry to hear this. It can't be a nice situation. You need to get some answers out of him... Does he still love you and want to be with you? If he says yes then you need to tell him that if it's only going to work if he makes an effort. Do you still love him and want to be with him? Are you willing to try? There is no point beating around the bush when it comes to a situation like this otherwise it just gets dragged out and isn't fair on anyone. Hope you can get some answers out of him

Towelonthedoor Wed 11-Nov-15 19:07:26

We have 2dc, yes he says he loves me. He wants to reset and make an effort. I've been hearing this for past year or so tho. He is very over weight and I don't think this helps him. He doesn't want to get intimate because of his body. Yet will sit there all night eating shite! I do love him but not the person he has become. I just don't want to be sad any more. However I think whatever I do I shall be sad.

pocketsaviour Wed 11-Nov-15 19:30:07

Is the 12k including housing benefit and child maintenance payable by him?

Towelonthedoor Wed 11-Nov-15 19:39:59

No. I know he wld want 50/50. Which I don't think is ideal for dc. I also know he wld make my life hell! I don't know what I'm wanting to hear, I just feel so down

PurplePoppy17 Wed 11-Nov-15 23:08:50

Is he maybe depressed (sensitive subject I know) but there could be something underlying that he is too embarrassed/ashamed to talk about ect.
If your not happy and you don't feel that he is making the effort then for your sake you should leave. If you genuinely think you will be happier apart then it's the best thing to do. There is no point dragging yourself through staying together if he isn't going to change and make the effort. Obviously it's entirely up to yourself. I can't be easy, especially with DC.

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