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Mum trying to make me feel guilty about xmas

(8 Posts)
Tigermama1 Tue 10-Nov-15 21:53:52

My mum is trying to make me feel guilty about wanting to spend Christmas with my dad for the first time in my life. I have always spent Christmas with my mum, her partner and his parents. Now that I am an adult I feel like I have free choice to spend it with who I want.

I finally had to tell her my plans earlier as I'd been holding back as didn't want to cause an argument. Low and behold both my dad and I are apparently selfish because I'm going to spend Christmas morning with my mum and the rest of it at my dad's. It's not like she'll be alone and she will be able to spend some time with me on the day. I don't feel this is normal behaviour for a parent of an adult child. What are others views?

CocktailQueen Tue 10-Nov-15 21:55:33

She 's cross because you're going against her wishes and doing what you want! Go for it, op. Your dad will enjoy spending the day with you.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Tue 10-Nov-15 21:55:39

No it is not normal and she is being rude and selfish. One Christmas with your dad after years at here is hardly a lot to ask.

I hope you told her you're going to alternate every year from now on.

Tigermama1 Tue 10-Nov-15 21:59:57

It's hard to balance between two parents when they're split but I have grown out of trying to keep my mum happy so will do what I want for a change. This is my last Christmas without a child, I imagine my mum will get more difficult next Christmas when she'll want my daughter to spend all of it with her and no one else. I can't wait for that guilt trip wink

This is all very selfish of her. For the first time, Christmas isn't centred around her, & she doesn't like it. She's going to need to get used to the idea that sometimes other people want different things, & her wishes won't automatically come first every time.

TendonQueen Tue 10-Nov-15 22:05:20

Sadly, this is more common than people think - but it's still not fair of her and you should stick to your guns or it'll be even worse in future years.

TopOfTheCliff Tue 10-Nov-15 22:11:34

I had this with my MIL. You just tell her there will be a rota for every year and this year it is Dad's turn to host you. We managed 9 years of travelling round then put our feet down and stayed home with the DC. She doesn't get to dictate your life!

timeisnotaline Tue 10-Nov-15 22:14:23

Excellent idea doing this if for no other reason than you will have a child next Christmas and need to negotiate that with her, I'm sure you will want your own family moment with your baby at some point in the day smile Don't back down, you are an adult not an extension of her.

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