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do people use twitter to show their interest in someone yet manage not to look like a stalker?

(63 Posts)
noclueses Tue 10-Nov-15 20:46:00

I'm not a twitter user, but the only way I could get in contact with a guy I've briefly met, is via twitter, so thinking is it worth signing up and trying it out - or would I look unhinged and stalkery if I've just joined with no followers yet and not many people I'm friendly with ar personally on twitter but I can follow things I'm interested in to create some 'picture' of me. Anyway, is there some kind of etiquette?

So am thinking of tweeting him about an event we've just both been to and had a brief chat there, so in a way it's a good start, but has to be public as he hasn't got direct messages enabled for just anyone. I can see that he couldn't directly message me unless he follows.

So if I send the tweet, what to expect after that if he is a)remembers me and likes me, and is pleased, or b) wants to be polite but not knowing me may be careful - or just not single (no idea if he is single but nothing on his twitter about a partner recently, and I only read recent pages), I don't want to dig on internet too much as if he is not interested, I don't care what's the reason. I have to add that he is a slightly public figure which makes it a bit more awkward, i.e. would he feel he ought to reply with a polite tweet? He sounds informal on there though, and from what I could see, a nice guy. But who knows??
I'd much prefer to send a private message but I can't unless he follows me - and if he does, should I then send a PM? I find the format so restrictive whereas PMs can be long.

Oh and he is younger than me - so I have to be brave if I do this, but at least want to know if it works for others hmm.

SwedishEdith Tue 10-Nov-15 20:49:22

In what way is he slightly public figure?

noclueses Tue 10-Nov-15 20:55:11

well I don't want to give details here, I don't mean in politics or anything so serious, but he is known in his field of work/own website and has a few thousand followers on Tw.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 10-Nov-15 20:55:39

If he's a semi-public figure then he may get a lot of tweets, which could mean your message hey big boy fancy a shag? gets lost among them.

Twitter is quite fun and you can follow all sorts of people and groups from the minute you join - usually there are some people who will follow you back once you follow them. So sign up, give it a couple of days to build yourself a basic profile, and then tweet a hello of some sort at this man. Retweet and like a few of his tweets (and do the same to other people.) You never know.

For the record, my current... er... friend is someone I knew slightly (same hobby and friends in common) and we followed each other on Twitter for a bit and then started getting a bit flirty and it sort of followed on from there. Just spent last Sunday afternoon shagging him senseless

SolidGoldBrass Tue 10-Nov-15 20:56:26

Xpost. A few thousand? Well, you will need to take a bit of time over this and build up otherwise it will just pass him by.

noclueses Tue 10-Nov-15 21:02:00

haha SGB, that did follow on from there, straight into bed!
I'm curious why didn't you flirt/asked each other out when meeting at a hobby? I'd much prefer to see someone regularly and build up from there, but no opportunity here.
Ok, sounds a bit of chore building up, also I WILL look unpopular as I never used it and many of my friends are older and don't use it. In a way I though best to contact him quickly so that he thinks I had no chance yet to do that. Whatdo yo think re Direct Mail? I'm really keen to use that as I can say what I think without it being public and embarassing? I don't mean 'big boy etc' no, but just to be more obviously flirty. Or is it abs normal to flirt publicly on there and everyone is doing it?

SwedishEdith Tue 10-Nov-15 21:02:56

Can't you contact him through his website?

noclueses Tue 10-Nov-15 21:03:24

but that was built up over the years as he's not new. Lookin at last pages, not many people reply/tweet, and when some do, he replies. Or would you not see all replies unless he follows them? i'm confused!

noclueses Tue 10-Nov-15 21:04:05

Swedish - I wanted to but no, no email address for him directly, it's communal for several people there.

noclueses Tue 10-Nov-15 21:05:45

SGB, ah I wanted to say, I do haev a chance to be noticed as at the event he didn't talk to many people at all, so in a way I stood out and his other followers wouldn't have there (well maybe a few), it was out of the way a bit location wise.

SolidGoldBrass Wed 11-Nov-15 01:03:36

There's a thread active at the moment about a man who tracked down the OP of the thread's address and turned up on her doorstep with flowers. She'd met him once briefly three months previously and it really freaked her out. If you want to contact someone you don't no very well but are attracted to, you have to do it in a way that they can ignore or fob you off if they don't want to know. Twitter is useful for this sort of thing - an out of the blue direct email is a bit more intrusive if it's unwanted. If he's a bit famous, he may get a lot of women pursuing himand he may not be that thrilled by yet another one doing so. Twitter does provide you with a way of making contact with him that can be friendly and non-creepy.

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Wed 11-Nov-15 07:04:37

Twitter is a hotbed of lust and flirting.

You will only be able to DM him if he follows you back. Maybe follow him, send a tweet (eg good to meet you at x the other night - interesting talk) and see if he follows you back? If he doesn't then he's probably not that interested or doesn't remember you.

noclueses Wed 11-Nov-15 12:45:51

thanks, SGB. Yes, needless to say I'm very anxious not to appear stalkery and am shocked at that thread which I read too re a man turning up! I wouldn't have opened the door at all! Exactly, though twitter is a good way, but I still want to know what's normal on there, maybe some things aer 'no-no'. I don't think lots of women chase him, he's not some 'typical hunk' but I am worried that he may well not be single.

and FedUp - really a hotbed?! well, great. Your advice is pretty much what I've already done as I can't be bothered with building my account for weeks, I've decided to go for it as nothing to lose - also the fact that if I invested in all this build up, and would THEN find out he's not single or not interested, then I'd feel very foolish and disappointed, though I admit twitter is useful for other things sometimes (opinions on TV shows etc!) but I doubt I'll use it much.

So had sent a first tweet just saying I enjoyed the event but without explaining who I was. Didn't get a reply to that (though maybe if I was patient he'd reply eventually but he's put other tweets in since so thought, hmm maybe not). Then I've sent another one but mentioning our brief chat, and asked him something instead of just making comments.
He replied! (Squeee!), he has also followed me [double blush as I have no followers apart from some random bloke promoting his stuff - God isn't that hugely embarassing?) But of course I'm thrilled, and not quite sure WHAT NOW?

I want to send a proper message privately as now I can, but should I? too much? or is following a hint that they'd be happy to hear? Btw I did reply to his reply just once, but no questions there and he hasn't replied to that. So it;s not like his jumping into or prolonging conversation but then again I'm not keen to keep having public chats. Thought maybe he was just polite answering my first q and wants to stop at that, but him following encourages me - should I go for the DM today ? Or..should I wait for him to make some kind of next step?

noclueses Wed 11-Nov-15 12:56:21

also maybe he thinks that as I'm a bit older than him, it doesn't cross his mind that I may be leading to anything and has followed me just in purely friendly way? in which case DM maybe too intrusive?
Would you stay with the general talk but more lengthy in DM, or would you just ask someone out - just wonder what others tend to do? I'll go with my gut if I message, but am interested to know wwyd?

SolidGoldBrass Wed 11-Nov-15 13:04:36

PLEASE calm down. Bear in mind that Twitter is fun and can be a good way to make new friends - it's not just for pursuing some sleb you fancy.
Follow some more people. look at what's trending, join in some conversations, and send this bloke a few tweets - or retweet and like what he posts. Asking him out straight away is likely to make you look a bit desperate and stalky.
Am I right that you have only met him once and had a brief chat about your shared interest? It's quite possible that, while he doesn't hate you or anything, he considers you 'pleasant member of the audience' and no more. Asking for a date straight away could put you in the category of 'crazed groupie' - people can be nice to you and enjoy a conversation with you but not find you remotely sexually interesting, and if you act as though even 'good afternoon' is a potential come-on, you might get yourself into a right mess.

Actually, key question - when you met him, was the event one with an atmosphere where people might flirt and date? If not, then going straight from 'interesting chat' to 'my knickers have just fallen down' is going to freak him out.

molyholy Wed 11-Nov-15 13:13:54

You may not want to come across as stalkery, but you do sound a bit OTT about it all IMHO. Sorry, but as PP said, calm down a bit. Join Twitter, follow him after you have followed a few people - maybe to do with the same interest and see what happens from there.

noclueses Wed 11-Nov-15 13:19:13

SGB, please appreciate that I'm letting it al lout on here, but I'm a very too cautoius in rl which really isn't doing me any favours in personal life. I need to live a little again (used to be braver when younger).

I wasn't saying I was about to ask him out directly and right now - I was asking if people do that on twitter through DMs. I'm of course much more inclined to build up a friendly chat even if private - to be fair I like him but I'm not sure yet that I'd actually sleep with him, I need to get to know a man first! When I said 'ask out' EVEN if I do, it would not be an invite to come over to mine, ha! I don't do quick jumping into bed, too sensitive.

I meant sending a friendly dm, but the other option is, do nothing and wait for a step from him? He is not such a sleb, SGB, not in the sense that he's known to everyone, in his somewhat narrow field only.

But don't you think he could have replied without following me, if he thought I was annoying but trying to be polite? yes, I've talked to him just once, and it was just a chance that I could do, wasn't planned as such.

noclueses Wed 11-Nov-15 13:22:42

moly, have you read my update? I've done htat already and he replied and followed me back. Just let me be excited in private here - I'm very reserved in rl. Surely we all feel a bit ott when excited about someone new we met? I would never blab like this in RL, just don't want to share with anyone in rl yet as nothing happened so far - I think talking on here does help to keep calmer than if I was keeping it to myself. I know that it's unlikely something will actually happen with him, but it's all just nice so far.

noclueses Wed 11-Nov-15 13:23:39

meant 'cautious person'.

molyholy Wed 11-Nov-15 13:32:55

Apols noclueses, I didn't read your update. I have been with my husband for 13 years, so forgot the initial turmoil excitement of meeting a new man.

everythingsgoingsouth Wed 11-Nov-15 13:36:18

did he have a question in his reply?
If so, I'd send private reply answering the question, then go on to say how you enjoyed talking to him, it was the best bit of the day, and you would love to meet up again sometime.
leave it at that- he will know you like him, ball's in his court-but remember-
DO NOT MESSAGE HIM AGAIN IF HE DOESN'T REPLY TO THAT!! or you will look stalker-y

someone upthread hit the nail on the head- using social media to ask someone out is good because they can just ignore you rather than saying no to your facesmile
good luck.

tribpot Wed 11-Nov-15 13:47:10

I would definitely calm down, follow a few other accounts (you can follow some of the same ones as he does but find your own too, Twitter will recommend some for you). Retweet him a few times and generally keep it light, I would probably use Twitter more to know when he was next going to be in the area and use it as a way to facilitate a face to face chat again. Then again I am completely unaware of Twitter as a hotbed of lust and flirting as I use it to retweet Historic Royal Palaces and the British Museum and things like that. Clearly doing it all wrong!

I have had some nice 'chats' with authors and the like - Steve Cole was kind enough to reply when I wrote to tell him the end of Magic Ink made my ds cry (to reassure ds that the character who leaves to seek his fortune in the world does regularly come back to visit the family at home, which is what had upset him). However, my most famous moment was when Rosie O'Donnell retweeted me quoting a line of hers from A League of Their Own. This is a tragic early 90s moment you Twitter-flirter types are too young to understand but it was fantastic.

FedUpWithJudgementalPeople Wed 11-Nov-15 15:06:06

I have dated via twitter - it was after a bit of timeline banter / flirting - over several months. Was asked out via DM.

However I was asked out a couple of times out of the blue via DM. I did go on dates but was much less interested in them than the guy i'd built up flirting with over several months.

That said I also asked someone I hardly knew out via FB and he's now my BF smile - but I did know him loosely first.

Seeing as you don't really know this guy at all why not try using twitter and see where you get to - be sure to mix it up a bit and not just tweet him tho!

Also wouldn't read a massive amount into him following you. Twitter is like that - most people you follow are strangers you will never meet.

noclueses Wed 11-Nov-15 17:58:33

FedUp, when you say you knew him loosely - you mean from a distance or did you talk in rl first? I knew of this guy for about a month as I'm interested in what he does, but not personally. Still, well done for asking your bf out and getting a result! what was his reaction to it?

Yeah, I'll tweet a few people to do with my interests (I don't know them vut they tweet their articles etc).

I just meant at least it's not a 'go away' which I'd feel like if he didn't follow or reply, I know it doesn't mean much, but is sending a DM too much (light hearted one) or do people allow/invite this by following you?

molyholy, thanks for understanding! I'm sure reading MN you can remind yourself of all the excitement. Tbh even as a single I don't get excited often at all about new people..I like some or they try and show interest in me, but either it lacks a real spark, or the excitement is short lived! It may well be here too, I know if he ignores from now on.

everything yes, absolutely I would not write again if he doesn't respond to DM. But no, there was no question in his reply - but he sounded pleased/'laughed' at my comment. Do you think I could still say something on those lines as you suggest (though I wouldn't be quite a gushy), or not? I could wait for a move from him, but not sure what the best thing to do!

tripbot, I'm the kind of person who'd follow the BM too! I do have a new follower now who I showed interest in, but it does take an effort to build up. You've done well with the authors! I'm surprised how informal/approachable these people become when on twitter actually. I can't have another face to face chat as he doesn't live in my area (event was elsewhere) unless it's arranged. The nature of tese events is, that they are not frequent but also he will not be by himself again.

SwedishEdith Wed 11-Nov-15 18:36:12

I wouldn't contact him again until you've actually got something to say. If he does something in his field that you can comment on or tweets something you could reply to. It might not be, but it sounds a bit like infatuation atm.

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