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A step too far.. Or not?

(13 Posts)
Traveller104 Tue 10-Nov-15 12:38:40

I'm just looking for a bit advice....

I am in a relationship with a divorced man, we've been together for about 5 years. He has 2 older teenage DS. During the start of the relationship he was very clear that he wanted to maintain a good relationship with his ex wife so the children would not suffer and I agreed that was fine with me and that it was sensible.

As the relationship has developed I have learnt that keeping a 'good relationship' involves constant texting, sending of photos of places we go, sudden children events that he goes to with her without telling me etc. As an example we went on holiday recently, the first thing he did was text her to say he'd arrived and to say that the location brought back memories of their time there... He also sent endless photos to show the changes...

Is this normal and I'm just being overly jealous.. Or is it a step too far?

Guiltypleasures001 Tue 10-Nov-15 12:52:52

Sorry op it sounds like he's divorced on paper only, there's 3 people in your relationship

ScribblerOnTheRoof Tue 10-Nov-15 12:53:08

Does seem a little over the top but you have been together 5 years, thats a long time. Perhaps they have simply remained friends? Anything else? How did they end things? I mean, why did they break up

Justmuddlingalong Tue 10-Nov-15 12:54:49

It is a step too far. 5 years? And he's messaging her, reminiscing about their holiday to the same place? Sounds like he hasn't moved on from her yet. How can you tolerate this?

AnyFucker Tue 10-Nov-15 12:57:24

Whaaaat ?

FredaMayor Tue 10-Nov-15 13:10:14

You may have heard of 'Divorced Husband Syndrome', or if not it's easily googleable. Unless you fancy being a de facto co-wife, it's far from normal.
I also think it will be very difficult for you to stamp out this behaviour.

GloriousGoosebumps Tue 10-Nov-15 13:13:38

What's happening in the ex-wife's life? Has she remarried or had further children? If she's "available," I'd see his behaviour as someone who wanted to get back with his ex-wife particularly if he doesn't actually live with you. I'd also like to know what her response is to these "do you remember..." type texts that have absolutely nothing to do with joint parenting. Much as he might want to get back with her, it's highly likely that she has either moved on or knows that nothing would have changed. How would he respond if you were this friendly with an ex?

FredaMayor Tue 10-Nov-15 13:13:51

pocketsaviour Tue 10-Nov-15 14:03:54

Let alone a step too far, this is more like a walking holiday in the Lake District too far. He sounds completely enmeshed with her still.

Joysmum Tue 10-Nov-15 15:08:01

My mum and dad and step mum are best friends. We all spend Christmas together and birthdays and they are all each other's support network.

However, to text from a holdiday and say that'll remind them of their time together shock

Jan45 Tue 10-Nov-15 17:25:24

Nope, not normal.

RiceCrispieTreats Tue 10-Nov-15 17:35:19

Inappropriate. But you're the one who will be cast as jealous and the bad guy for trying to break up a beautiful friendship...

He's unlikely to be willing to question his behaviour so long as it suits him (and it does), so possibly the only successful strategy here could be to use his selfishness as a tool: get him to imagine how he would feel if he were the one being dissed.

Try to get him to step into your shoes and see things from your pov. Would he be happy if it was you texting romantic reminiscing to an ex while on holiday with him?

Traveller104 Wed 11-Nov-15 00:02:26

Thank you all for your comments... As a background, I believe divorce was mutual... She has a partner at the moment but apparently not serious... And she seems disinterested in his texting etc. all of that gives me added clarity... So thank you.

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