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Pregnant and dreading what OH's parents are going to throw at me

(28 Posts)
Tomboyinatutu Mon 09-Nov-15 22:47:47

Ok, so we have recently found out i am pregnant and my dp wants to tell his parents face to face so he can witness their reaction, which I think is a good idea. The only thing is I'm dreading the crap that's going to be thrown my way. They are not nice people (to put it politely) and have made my life hell before. I don't know how I'm going to cope if they start again!
Background: they were nice as pie until I fell pregnant with our first child, then his mother refused to buy anything for the baby during my pregnancy because I might lose it, her words and she was off with me (not me being hormonal, it was clear to the rest of the family). So when our DS was a few weeks old he had to have a major operation and nearly died, stopped breathing before and after his operation and it was me that managed to calm him and get him to breath again. When he was in the hospital they were very rude to me and his mum was trying to get us to support her through this bad time (how dare she?!). DS pulled through and we were able to take him home. A couple of days later they come round and she is holding him with his head right back so I politely asked her to hold him properly and that's when the shit storm started. She refused to speak or look at him from that point on. Told her family that I had called her a bad mum, that I told her off, that I said she can't see our DS and so on so I cut all ties. I gave her a chance to talk about it a few months down the line but she reffused and said that I had taken her son away from her and that whatever she has done is in the past....seriously?! So I gave up and told her to stay away from us. I haven't stopped dp from seeing them, he chose not to when she rejected his son when he was still in recovery after major surgery. She has no respect for me even though I have made dp happy and am the mother to her grandchild. Oh and I bit my tongue and didn't say anything to her about the lies she was spreading, I only said something when she rejected our baby.
I'm sorry this is long. Im just worried that she is going to make things up about me again and try to push me and dp apart.
Thank you for reading

tableanadchairs Mon 09-Nov-15 22:51:25

If your DP is not seeing his Dm and DF why bother telling them at all?

Arfarfanarf Mon 09-Nov-15 22:53:15

Why do they need to know?

Floggingmolly Mon 09-Nov-15 22:54:57

Why is it so important to "witness their reaction"? hmm Totally needless drama...

Tomboyinatutu Mon 09-Nov-15 22:55:20

Because if he doesn't tell them other family members will and that would be an even worse scenario

Joysmum Mon 09-Nov-15 22:57:50

Why would that be worse?

Tomboyinatutu Mon 09-Nov-15 22:58:11

Because we want to know if they will react bad or finally see the light and realise that none of it was worth them missing out on their only grandchildren's lives.

VimFuego101 Mon 09-Nov-15 22:59:02

Why? If you feel they have to know, then just send them an email.

Tomboyinatutu Mon 09-Nov-15 22:59:19

Because they will make sure the crap is full on aimed at me, it will be my fault that he didn't tell them and yet again I will be the worst person in the world

tableanadchairs Mon 09-Nov-15 22:59:45

Let the rest of the family do the telling. You know their reaction will not be positive and you will be opening yourself to more hurt and abuse. Why put yourself through that. If your DP wants to tell his parents an email or phone call will do,
Who cares about their reaction, it is not important.

Arfarfanarf Mon 09-Nov-15 23:00:15

You don't see them. What can they do to you?
If they threaten or assault you, call the police.
If they phone you, put the phone down.
If they come round, don't let them in.
What is it that you are afraid of? Maybe if you plan for that it will help you.

Do you think they'll even care anyway?

Tomboyinatutu Mon 09-Nov-15 23:00:42

This was pd's idea and to be honest I think he is hoping they will change their ways.

Arfarfanarf Mon 09-Nov-15 23:01:42

X post.
Why would you want people who treat you like that involved in your children's lives? I wouldn't. A grandparent at any cost is not worth it. They'll only spew bile at the kids in the end.

DoreenLethal Mon 09-Nov-15 23:01:44

If you are going to get crap anyway, just dont tell them.

Arfarfanarf Mon 09-Nov-15 23:02:58

Well, if he wants to tell them, he has that right but he should think carefully about what could happen and whether he is prepared for it.

Tomboyinatutu Mon 09-Nov-15 23:03:08

I'm afraid because I don't want people turning against me because of lies.

ouryve Mon 09-Nov-15 23:04:55

Is your DP on board with the idea that, if they react as you predict, he needs to back off and not draw them into your life any further?

Arfarfanarf Mon 09-Nov-15 23:05:16

Anyone who would believe lies and turn against you is a shit anyway andtherefore no loss
They may tell lies no matter what you do. You can't control that.
People who deserve a place in your life will treat you well.

Tomboyinatutu Mon 09-Nov-15 23:05:54

Not all grandparents are bad, my grandparents never said a bad word about my parents and my parents have and wouldn't do it to mine. I'm starting to think we shouldn't bother or at least tell him I don't want to know what they say

MooseAndSquirrel Mon 09-Nov-15 23:06:39

But your already the worse person on the world to them, so why would this be any different?
I think your setting yourselves up for agro and drama to be honest - send an email if they need telling. Don't understand why you would give them the power to upset you on your pregnancy. Avoid them & their dramas like the plague and enjoy ur son & pregnancy!
Congrats btw smile

Tomboyinatutu Mon 09-Nov-15 23:07:26

I don't know what do plans on doing. Honestly if I never have to see them again it would be too soon but I think he misses having them in his life

Tomboyinatutu Mon 09-Nov-15 23:07:40

Dp*

Tomboyinatutu Mon 09-Nov-15 23:08:51

Thank you moose.

Tomboyinatutu Mon 09-Nov-15 23:14:50

From what you all have said, I think it's best I just stay out of it. you're right, I don't need the stress. If dp does want to tell them I'm not having any part of it.

VimFuego101 Tue 10-Nov-15 15:00:03

I think you're right. If he wants to tell them, let him. But there's no need for you to involve yourself in it.

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